Drivel that cannot fit in a single panel comic.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Open Letter

Dear lady at the gym,

I was not giving you the dirty looks because of your body shape. As a former not so lean person I applaud the fact that you are taking action regarding the size of your ass. It will be a long and fulfilling journey as you find yourself fitting into smaller clothes, the numbers on the scale moving downward, being able to do things you have never been able to do before and muscles appearing. Again, I salute you.

No, ma'am it was not your big fat ass causing the dirty looks. It was your rudeness. Your complete unawareness of how to behave in a communal setting. Your ability to make it to adulthood and to a point of having approximately $30 per month of extra income to spend on a Gold's Gym membership while failing to grasp the basics of sharing. Sharing, most of us got the hang of it by kindergarten. Somehow, you missed this.

You hogged two benches, four sets of dumbbells, and a barbell. 5, 7.5, 10, and 12.5 pound pairs of dumbbells and a 30 pound barbell. 100 pounds! Which is twice the amount of weight you probably want to lose. That amount of hoarding exceeded my pounds lost by 20.

I know the exercise book that you were reading from probably said something about not resting between sets, minimizing transition time between exercises but considering that you were 2 feet from the racks which hold the dumbbells, your transition time would have increased by 2 seconds - 3 tops. Consider it a bit of extra cardio. Hopefully, you will lose some of the fat that is blocking the part of your brain that considers that others could have used those other dumbbells while you were doing reps with a different set. Luckily, today was not as crowded and I and others did not have to wait for a set of dumbbells.

For the benefit of others reading this letter, no the woman was not so large that she had a gravitational pull. Nope, I saw her grab each of these sets of weights and stack them in an area she designated as hers. Sort like dogs urinating.

Gym etiquette: There is no "fixin' to use" in a communal setting. Nothing wrong with taking a minute of rest between sets with the same weights but hoarding is wrong.

The two benches, that you, rude lady, hogged, I wanted to use one of them. But thanks to you, I got a bit of extra cardio by walking to a free bench. That wouldn't have bothered me so much if either of the benches marking "your territory" was supporting any part of your body. Nope you chose to use one bench as a purse and book holder and the other to rest the 30 pound barbell against and place a set of dumbbells that you were not using upon. Oh, by the way, I managed to do 2 sets of one arm dumbbell rows and dumbbell dead-lifts, which included walks to and from the rack to get different weights, before you even lifted the 30 pound barbell for exercise. I hope nobody wanted to use that barbell.

You may not be aware of all the amenities that you get for $30/ month at Gold's. One of those includes a nice rubber floor upon which you can rest a purse, a book and 100 pounds of hoarded weights. It is a great floor. Over the years, I've placed towels, books, work out logs, cell phones, body parts and weights upon it without damage. Nobody has ever stepped on any of my stuff or dropped anything on it. Your purse and book are safe on the floor. If you need to read some fine print in the book, do what I do, bend at the hips and stretch the hamstrings. Everybody has tight hamstrings that could use a good stretch. The benches are great too, for supporting a body. The benches at Gold's are capable of supporting bodies much bigger than yours. Too bad, your rudeness prevented two benches from being put to the test.

Gold's also has fabulous racks. They are a handy resting place for dumbbells and barbells you are not using at the moment and there is always a set available for use when needed unless some ignorant hoarder screws up the informal system. I know that there is nothing in writing that says you can't hoard weights but I believe it is covered under the "be courteous to other members" rule. The same rule that keeps me from saying to you, "No, don't do this shit! It's rude! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Please don't get the wrong impression that my irritation at your rudeness was exacerbated by your apple-shaped, at higher risk for heart disease, fat ass. No, I would have been just as irritated by a skinny woman displaying the same behavior. I sincerely hope that you transform from a fat rude person to a skinny rude person. Your body transformation will take a long and dedicated effort and a lifetime commitment to maintain and I wish you all the luck in the world. On the other hand, changing your rude behavior only takes a minute of thinking about the other members of the gym or how you would feel if someone else behaved like you.

Next time, I will bring you to the attention of management and allow them the privilege of diplomatically training you on gym etiquette or decide whose $30/ month they lose.

Good luck on your efforts.