I don't think I can do it.

I've completed 7 marathons, 5 half marathons and some shorter races but I cannot manage to finish reading "Atlas Shrugged"

I'm past the long John Galt speech. The only time I've yelled at a book character was while reading that speech. A guy blathers on for 3 hours and nobody thinks to cut the power.

I'm down to the last 300 or so pages. I've flipped ahead a few times. I know a bridge gets blown up, Cuffy Meigs and Dr. Statler die, Jim Taggart loses his mind, John Galt is tortured and rescued; and Hank, Francisco, Dagny, John, Ragnar and all the rest of the producers go to Galt's Gulch and live happily ever after doing their circle jerk while the rest of the world burns all around them blissfully unaware that unless they build a spaceship they too will get burned.

I could be mistaken about the above since I can only bring my self to skim at this point. Actually, I haven't picked up the book again since February, so my memory could be a bit sketchy.

In context of the BP oil gusher, I find my desire to finish decreasing ever more. I wonder in the context of this reality how any adult can take Objectivism seriously? Okay, Rand's dire vision is happening in North Korea but that is an aberration. Maybe Zimbabwe, too, with the white farmers.

Maybe I'm too old to read Atlas Shrugged. I tried to read The Fountainhead in high school but I couldn't stand it for very long. Enjoyed Anthem. Maybe "Objectivism/ Ayn Rand phase" should be incorporated into the American life cycle chart. An interesting question to study - why some people don't grow out of it?

I have a few of Rand's philosophical writings in my library. They are quaintly amusing. Stalinism sucked; thankfully no country has tried to fully implement Objectivism because that would suck just as hard. That won't happen because this world is populated by humans rather than the ideas with human-like characteristics that populate the world of Atlas Shrugged.

I should finish this book or at least get it off my nightstand. Maybe try composting it or using its pages to line the bird cage.

The idea for another project: documenting uses for a slightly worn copy of Atlas Shrugged.

Did learn that carrying a copy into a UU church will cause a greater reaction than carrying a Bible.

Icky Female Content

This post contains icky female content. If you're squeamish go away now. Here is a nice place: http://ihasahotdog.com/

I await menopause with great anticipation. Please get here soon. I'm tired of this monthly bullshit. 27 fucking years so far. Maybe I shouldn't be so angry and bitchy about a natural process but the copious amounts of Midol I've taken so far don't seem to be working. I'm in pain and I want it to stop. Please don't justify it with Old Testament theology. Adam & Eve ate the damn fruit and I get punished with this pain.

Wonder why women get so damn bitchy once a month? Guys, imagine this: starting around age 13, every month, someone visits your home, work or school and hits your nads with a baseball bat. After a while you might get a little pissed off at this and maybe give a hearty fuck you to anyone who says that this is natural and part of God's plan or punishment. Maybe get a little peeved when medical people and others don't take your pain seriously.

The over the counter meds suck. But because of some stupid crackers that lack self control I can't access more effective medicine without visiting a doctor who will probably say it's just female problems and not that bad compared to others. I am stronger and have better self-control - give me something effective.

At the moment I don't give a shit about the magnitude of others' pain. I just want mine to stop. 1,500 milligrams of acetaminophen and I still feel like someone is slicing my abdomen from the inside. I'm just pissed off that I've endured this crap for 27 years and there is no one I can blame, punch or shout at. At least the there is an entity in the bat analogy written above.

I don't know how or why I've endured this shit for 27 years. If I person did this to me I would have done something long ago. The pain will pass and I will forget about it until next month.

In about 5 minutes the office holiday luncheon will start. I have to make nice even though I don't feel nice. The annoying part is that this crap is joked about, trivialized and women are taunted if they express a bit of irritation because of this. Men injuring their nads is considered comedy gold but no one expects a man to be nice & polite while enduring the pain.

I'm in pain and I don't want to be nice. I just want it to go away and some space to be grumpy until it does.

Santa, I want menopause this year and an Evel Knievel stunt bike set.

No Television Weekend

Too busy over the weekend to even think about turning on the TV. Found that I have gained an extra hour of sleep by not watching television while eating breakfast. I hope Joe and Mika (hosts of MSNBC's Morning Joe) don't mind. The extra hour of sleep is quite an enticement to make a ban on morning television permanent.

Skipping Adult Swim on Sunday allowed me to enjoy other activities. I made it to bed at a decent hour and even managed to write a couple of gags.

Still transitioning to the laptop. I need to get my contacts and some e-mails from the old computer. I updated my cartoon using Dreamweaver and managed to set up a site with FTP successfully on the first attempt. I have been using Notepad with a little help from FrontPage. I really like auto thumbnail.

Skipping the gym tonight to rest after the Armadillo Dash. My quads are a little sore. If it is not too cold I will take Loki for a walk.

Lent experiment

I've never been a Catholic and did not understand this whole Ash Wednesday (just a funny name on the calendar for a day that sometimes fell on my birthday. Also found Palm Sunday rather mysterious as a kid)/ Lent thing until adulthood.

I find the whole giving up something for a period of time an interesting spiritual practice. I'm giving it a try this season for personal growth reasons. See what happens in my life.

I'm giving up television for Lent. Not for the reasons Catholics celebrate but to satisfy my own curiosity and possible growth. I suppose I should call it something else since I'm not Catholic. This seemed like a good a time as any to try this and the idea of Lent is what prompted my desire to do this. This would certainly cause me to evaluate my habits and lifestyle.

I believe I don't watch much TV anyway but it will be interesting to see what happens.

As a Unitarian-Universalist, I'm free to make caveats. (Just the sort of attitude that turns some people off our religion. Makes us sort of a religious Borg Collective.) I have to make an exception for the last episodes of Battlestar Galactica. I could record them then watch them after April 11 but there's only 4 episodes left.

I've told Walter about this and posted on Twitter. Stating my intent in public should improve my chances since the fear of public humiliation is a powerful motivator.

Join my army of hope starved sycophants

At age 14 I aspired to become a cult leader. Not a scary, Jim Jones sort of cult leader, but more of a Bajwan Shree Rajneesh (sp?) type. People give me money and stuff in exchange for a bit of happiness and hope. One avenue for achieving my ultimate objective - getting as much money as possible in exchange for as little work as possible.

Several factors redirected my aspirations:

1. Lack of resources on how to become a cult leader. Nothing in the library at Spring High School or in the Harris County Public Library System. Too shy to ask the librarian. Allegedly, I checked out a book from my high school library on brain washing techniques and never returned it. I convinced the librarian someone else put my name on the check out card. I never dotted my i's with little hearts. That and I did not remember checking that book out or even seeing it on the shelves. The loss of that book did not become too much of a roadblock in my life.
2. Very high scores on the introvert scale. Cults require people - lots of them.
3. A lack of charisma, public speaking skills or the ability to exert a lot of control over my own life much less the lives of others.
4. Can't fake it forever. Consequences of exposure too great.
5. Lots of potential, not so much ambition.
6. I actually care and have a conscience.
7. Realized it was kind of a weird ambition and that I can affect the world in a positive way without minions. Minions would be nice once in a while. Maybe I can rent some.

About time

About time that I wrote a post. I'm enjoying extended time off. Visited family. Gave and received.

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A joy since my last entry:
My aunt and uncle moved back into their house, the damage from Hurricane Ike finally repaired.

Sorrows:
Too many deaths. Always too many deaths.

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I did manage something that I thought too overwhelming - cleaning out the bedroom closet. I let go of a lot of things. Discovered that a substantial portion of my wardrobe was acquired through either blood or sweat (race t-shirts and blood donation t-shirts). I did place two race shirts in a place for later use - they had holes that should have placed them in the toss pile but they are marathon t-shirts. There is a company that will make a quilt out of your race t-shirts. I'm saving those two for a day that I have enough old shirts to make a decent sized quilt. I violated a major rule in organizing by keeping those two shirts but maybe one of those organizing book authors might amend that rule after running a marathon.

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Today, I discovered that I can wear a size 6 jean. While Walter returned something to electronics, I took some time to shop for some jeans. I needed some help in finding something that was not boot cut. I don't like boot cut.

I was told that the brand I tried on ran large but I never expected a 6 to be the size that would fit. I bought two pairs. So now all the pants I own range from sizes 6 to 14. There is something seriously wrong with women's apparel sizing.

I am more than my pants size (especially since that number varies) but damn, saying I wear a size 6 feels good.

An American Gothic in the Snow

American Gothic sculpted in snow.

Yesterday, snow fell in Bryan - College Station. This brought out lots of cameras, snowball fights, short snowmen and a sense of wonder and play. It was magical. It looked like a snow globe outside my office window.

Most of the snow has melted today. Just remnants of larger snowmen remain. Some students managed to get enough snow together to build a few human-sized snow persons.

This weekend the temperatures will reach 70 degrees F. Several seasons in the space of a week. I love Texas.


Rarely anyone says a single thing worth $2,000 but maybe 2,000 people will say something worth $1.00.

I'm Alive!

I finally emerge from the time warp that is Radio MASH. 4,887 children in the Brazos Valley will receive at least one gift for Christmas this year. Again, the Brazos Valley came through generously.

I spent most of Monday resting and my rhythms got thrown out of whack from all the sleeping and anxiety about Loki. I finally went to bed at 1:00 am, got up at 6:00 am to go to work.

I'm taking a week off from the gym and running to rest. I will walk and stretch. I probably the the equivalent amount of pounding pavement over 4 days of the toy drive as a single marathon plus lifting, twisting and bending. My lower back is a bit stiff.

Lessons from Radio MASH, ideas for improvement and random thoughts (I'm putting this on the blog so that a record will exist):

1. The separate tents for incoming toys/ repair and order filling were a godsend. Thank you, National Guard. Please do that again next year.
2. No child wants a stuffed animal for Christmas. I know some animals were quite nice and expensive but we had a list with some requests and stuffed animal did not appear. Specific characters that have plush versions were requested but no generic stuffed animals.
3. Signs under each box on the age group tables. Things get misfiled on the edges. Candyland is a game for 5 - 7 year olds. 8 - 10 year olds don't play Candyland unless they have a younger sibling.
4. A poster with examples of the types of things each age group likes over each table. This will take some advanced planning, glue, scissors and pictures. I started the project by printing pictures but did not get any further this year.
5. As many sets of dominoes that went out this year, I expect several dominoes champions to emerge from the Brazos Valley in a few years.
6. Found out what a Barkyardigan is. Have to remember that not all the volunteers are up to date on the interests of children and teens. Add logos to the posters in number 4.
7. I don't want to give another Uno Card Game ever again. There is a budget, otherwise I would never pick up an Uno Card Game ever.
8. A separate area for taping batteries on to new toys. We have a great toy doctor who would rather concentrate on the various interpretations of gently used electronic toys. Any volunteer can tape batteries on to boxes.
9. Knot tying demonstration for volunteers.
10. Pallets and tarps for boxes of loose toys. A more organized filing system for loose toys.
11. A check list of things that need to be done in case some volunteers show up or there is a lull.
12. A sign saying where bikes, trikes and big backyard toys go.
13. Good idea from this year: tubs for toys ready-to-go.
14. How did we end up with so many 8 - 10 year old girls?
15. Underprivileged kids: wait and you will receive that fad toy from four years ago! That and a stuffed animal. The first used Nintendo Wii should show up at Radio MASH 2011.
16. There is a very special place in the afterlife for the toy designer that made toys without off switches.
17. I'm sure it is a fine toy but I doubt that little toy train will give you infinite pleasure. The Engrish on the Chinese toys was entertaining and had a poetic quality to it. the eden of the movement. the aquatic animals of the movement.

What I've Done in My Life

What have you done in your life? -- A meme I found on another blog. What I've done is in bold.

To play, copy the following list. Bold the things you've done. Post on your own blog...

Started my own blog
Slept under the stars
Played in a band
Visited Hawaii
Watched a meteor shower
Given more than I can afford to charity
Been to Disneyland/world
Climbed a mountain
Held a praying mantis
Sung a solo
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched lightning at sea
Taught myself an art from scratch
Adopted a child
Had food poisoning
Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Grown my own vegetables
Seen the Mona Lisa in France
Slept on an overnight train
Had a pillow fight
Hitchhiked
Taken a sick day when not ill
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Run a marathon
Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Seen a total eclipse
Watched a sunrise or sunset
Hit a home run
Been on a cruise
Seen Niagara Falls in person
Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
Seen an Amish community
Taught myself a new language
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
Gone rock climbing
Seen Michelangelo's David
Sung karaoke
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visited Africa
Walked on a beach by moonlight
Been transported in an ambulance
Had my portrait painted
Gone deep sea fishing
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Gone to a drive-in theater
Been in a movie
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Taken a martial arts class
Visited Russia
Served at a soup kitchen
Sold Girl Scout Cookies
Gone whale watching
Gotten flowers for no reason
Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Gone sky diving
Visited a Nazi concentration camp
Bounced a check
Flown in a helicopter
Saved a favorite childhood toy
Visited the Lincoln Memorial
Eaten caviar
Pieced a quilt
Stood in Times Square
Toured the Everglades
Been fired from a job
Seen the Changing of the Guard in London
Broken a bone
Been on a speeding motorcycle
Seen the Grand Canyon in person
Published a book
Visited the Vatican
Bought a brand new car
Walked in Jerusalem
Had my picture in the newspaper
Read the entire Bible
Visited the White House
Killed and prepared an animal for eating
Had chickenpox
Saved someone's life
Sat on a jury
Met someone famous
Joined a book club
Lost a loved one
Had a baby
Seen the Alamo in person
Swam in the Great Salt Lake
Been involved in a law suit
Owned a cell phone
Been stung by a bee
Ridden an elephant

31 out of 100 activities.

New record!

Mary Worth has been Mary Worthless for 33 days in a row. A new record.

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One of my gag writing techniques is to write down a bit of a conversation and then depict only the last statement. I think this is funny because I know the whole conversation but the reader is left wondering what lead up to this moment. The whole conversation is usually quite absurd. Yes, I have some weird conversations play out in my head. None of this weirdness happens under the influence of mind altering substances.

Single panel comics that depict only a slice of a larger story are my favorite kind of gags. These work best when done sparingly. If I had weird conversations playing out in my head on a daily basis, I would question my sanity.

I think name Ethel is an inherently funny name. Couple that with the silliness of naming body parts (after a famous Ethel, no less) and sharing that information with another person, the result is Linda laughing out loud and unable to adequately explain what is so funny to those around her.

Answering, "Nothing" to the question, "What is so funny?" really means you don't want to know and would only lead to more questions that I cannot answer.

I don't know how these absurd thoughts end up in my head but I appreciate the gift.

Exercise Log: June 28 - August 2

This week I ran, biked and rowed 20.27 miles, burned 1842.9 calories and weigh 144 pounds.

Monday: ran 2.31 miles in 31:06
Tuesday: biked 1.9 miles in 9:21
Wednesday: ran 5.70 miles in 1:05:00
Thursday: rowed 1.27 miles in 10:00
Friday: biked 3.05 miles in 14:27
Saturday: ran 6.04 miles in 1:14:22

Gold Gym Games training:
Tuesday: 16 Push Ups; 6 Assisted Pull Ups @ 130 pounds; 10 Pull Downs @ 80 pounds; 21 Leaning Pull Ups on Smith Machine; 57 Sit Ups; 1 minute 15 seconds Jump Rope (I cut this workout short to attend vigil at church)

Thursday: 18 Push Ups; 4 Assisted Pull Ups @ 120 pounds; 4 Pull Downs @ 90 pounds; 20 Leaning Pull Ups on Smith Machine; 47 Sit Ups; 3 minutes Jump Rope; 19 Leg Press @ 165 pounds; 10 Bench Press @ 65 pounds; 125 seconds Wrestler's Bridge

Friday: 12 Push Ups; 2 Assisted Pull Ups @ 110 pounds; 3 Pull Downs @ 100 pounds; 23 Leaning Pull Ups on Smith Machine; 61 Sit Ups; 3.5 minutes Jump Rope; 18 Leg Press @ 170 pounds; 6 Bench Press @ 70 pounds; 180 seconds Wrestler's Bridge

The Wrestler's Bridge is not part of the Gold's Gym Games, I do this as part of my regular strength training.

I earned my grilling merit badge today. Grilled a pair of chicken breast kabobs. I will try some fish on Sunday or Monday.

Canoeing and littering

Walter and I went canoeing yesterday. We planned on the Brazos River but could not access it with the canoe. Instead, we paddled on the Navasota River about 4.5 miles worth. We had to get out and drag the canoe in a couple of places. We found a few anglers on our trip and too much litter.

People go to nature to get away from it all but end up trashing the place.

We ran into a Brazos County Constable walking around trying to find an address among the trash at the river access point. He advised us of another access point to the Navasota.

I have trouble wrapping my mind around littering. Is this some kind of class thing that my middle class upbringing will never understand? I never see bottles or cans from a micro brew or regional beer company laying around (might have a different picture if I lived in Austin or Portland). See plenty of Bud, Keystone, and Milwaukee's Best cans and bottles but never Shiner or Guinness (or a malt liquor)*. I know people who drink Miller and Bud while fishing but they dispose of their empties properly. These folks have had the same middle class upbringing that I had. Every week I spend some time picking up beer cans that were thrown in my side yard (I live on a corner lot). I would think that everyone in the neighborhood is in pretty much the same economic class so why do I have to pick up beer cans and other litter out of my yard? Where is the transition point from it's okay to leave the empties to putting the empties into a container for pick up? Can anyone explain why some people litter?

*I would still find the litter annoying even if it was a better beer.

Paddling

The look on Mary Worth's face is icon/avatar worthy and scary. Hopefully, Jeff has invited her over in order to trap her. The sound of her voice has weakened him, can he handle her full presence? Can Dr. Sansabelt handle that 1980's Ocean Pacific tee?

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We bought a canoe yesterday and took it out on Lake Bryan. I enjoyed paddling with Walter. I'm glad he has found something active that we can do together. He found some paddling trails on the Texas Parks and Wildlife website. Both of us need to get in better paddling shape before tackling the trails.

Google maps is a great thing for scouting out the water way before setting off.


We will try a trip with Loki in the canoe to see how he likes it. He does enjoy laying in water and he likes going on trips with us.

I need to work on my paddling technique.

Procrastination Chart

I never use cleaning as a procrastination tool. I'll read, nap, blog, play games, watch TV or work on a more interesting project but never clean.

Planning is my favorite procrastination tool because it looks like action. Research comes a close second.

Hopeline Video

Did not update the website last night because of a thunderstorm. The rain was needed. Saw Wall-E last night. Cute movie.

I was a bit of a slug this weekend. A time for work and a time for rest.

I decided I will open the church for meditation this summer. If someone shows up, we will sit. If no one shows then I will go through the items in the back room. Several books, tapes, magazines and other items were added to the Sangha collection. This past Sunday I reorganized the cushions and went through the books currently in the library and changed their labels. I would like to get the tapes on to CD or DVD (whichever is appropriate). I have the tools for a video tape to DVD transfer but not a cassette tape to CD.

I plan to put together a list of the books in the library. I took a snap shot of each book in the current library and will incorporate the newly added books in the coming weeks. Who would have thought that a cell-phone camera could be so useful?

As long as I'm fully present this work can serve as a meditation tool.

Below is a special video about Hopeline. Feel free to add it to your website or blog.

A Quest for a Pair of Pants that Fit

I will go back to work tomorrow. Yesterday, I went on a quest for a pair of pants that fit. I failed with that but did buy some new underwear and shoes.

I feel like skulking around like Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon when I wear the shoes. He wore Pumas; mine are Asics but the general design is the same.

The new underwear look and feel great. I could have lived without the saleslady at Macy's crowding me while I was shopping. I've changed bra size again so Walter will take the bra and the receipt back to Macy's. He works at the mall so it is more convenient for him to do this. I measured again and gave him the correct size. Hopefully, this will just be an exchange. Assuming my size is in stock.

Taking a bra back to the store - another thing that should be added to the vows.

Does anyone make pants for a tall woman without a big belly? I tried several pants - most of them fit well around the legs but left a lot of room in the waist and hips. Enough room that I could remove the pants without unfastening or place both arms inside and still have space to spare. I found one pair that fit well in the waist but added material for curves in a place that I do not have curves. I hate clothes shopping so I probably gave up too soon. Three trips to the fitting room is my limit.

I just want a pair of pants.

I wonder what the people who make pants think of American women?

Embracing the gray

I want to apply Karen Moy's writing technique to my own cartoon writing; conceive an interesting plot and then write the opposite. In my case, think of something really sad and then write the opposite.

There is still a glimmer of interesting. Jeff goes to Mary's apartment that afternoon and she is not there. But that would be interesting so Jeff will show up and find Mary there.

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My hair is now 75% gray, maybe more, but it is hard to tell because my non-gray color is sandy blond with a touch of red. The gray has intensified in the past few months. I've embraced the gray in reality (having thick, wavy hair helps take away the sting of pre-mature gray - thanks, Dad.) but I'm not ready to change my cartoon self-portraits. When I've drawn cartoon self-portraits I've used the current hair length but I just can't bring myself to use the 10% gray to color my cartoon alter-ego's hair. I used a light brown for my cartoon alter-ego so I was not completely accurate there either. This change has happened somewhat gradually (starting at age 25) in reality whereas it would be a sudden change for the cartoon alter-ego.

Unless, I write something about it very few people would know when I choose to inject myself into my cartoons. I guess the alter-ego can keep the light brown hair.

Holding my breath in the middle of the ice cream aisle

I'll dispense the advice, thank you very much. Mary does have a problem - she can give it but cannot take it. If Karen Moy does not get on with it then I will lose interest. I suspect the same thing happens to Karen Moy as she writes these things. Sad, that the author loses interest in the middle of a story. I predict the gap between potential and execution will be huge.

For the first time in several months, I wrote gags. The "You've Been Warned" project is coming to a close so now I need to write and draw new material. I bought a new mini composition book to write all my ideas down. I have a pretty decent head start. I bought a new planner case to hold my stuff. Transferring things gave me a chance to remove some clutter from my life.

I've added to my Sparkpeople.com tracker the goal of removing 10 items of clutter 5 days a week. So far I've not completed a full week but the tracker serves as a reminder and I would like to start a streak.

Since the West Virginia primary, I've found aspects of Hillary Clinton's campaign a bit troubling. I get the impression that part of her case for the nomination is her ability to appeal to ugly America. Can we leave ugly America out of this one? Their numbers can't be that huge.

I hope this is over by Wednesday morning. Hillary Clinton still has the options of holding her breath or throwing a huge temper tantrum in the middle of the ice cream aisle.

Apathitis

I experienced a small bout of "I don't give a damn." Had it since Friday and I think I finally got over it today. I was able to function enough to do important things like visiting family but I just did not give a damn about routine stuff - updating my website, this blog, exercise, drawing and scanning. I let several things slide so now I play catch up. I needed some rest. As to whether or not I earned it - I don't care. Who decides whether or not I deserve a bit of rest or blow off a few little tasks for a day or two anyway?

I bought the elements for sandwich wraps and lunchables and ate my first self-made wrap for lunch today. I even added spinach. Take that South Beach!

On the work front, last week, I answered the question, "Do you need my name and phone number" several times without an ounce of sarcasm.

I warned my fellow church board members that all that repressed sarcasm might leak out during the meeting last week.

I need to vent some more sarcasm before the congregational meeting. There is a proposed policy on the agenda and some anxiety about it has already floated up. Rev. Eric and some of the Board members hopefully dealt with it this past Sunday. I was out of town visiting family so I missed the forum.

After this congregational meeting, Walter and I will become common members. No more titles for either of us.

Lunch for today - 4.23.2008

Kashi Chicken Pasta Pomodoro, the package:
The reality after microwaving:

I received some cookies, lotion, shower gel and a Chick-fil-A gift card for Administrative Professionals Day. All of this came in a purple metal pail.

The shower gel is pineapple scented and Walter bought coconut scented conditioner and ocean breeze scented shampoo. I now have everything I need to smell like a great vacation.