You will confide in the Mary Worth

No thoughts? The closest I've come is, "Hey, I'm not thinking! Damn."

Resistance is futile. You will confide in the Mary Worth, especially now that she has an object you desire. You will not get the photo back until you confide. Confide, Lynn, confide!!!

Maybe Lynn is made of sterner stuff. She skates away knowing that she has several copies of the photo and print up more any time.

I hate having my mind messed with by Family Circus. What the hell is happening here? What's the gag?

The drool brings you back to the breath.

Good save, Jesus!

I like the WTF? expression on the other girl. Dolly does not realize that using every moment, no matter how trivial, as an opportunity for proselytizing is the root cause of her lack of friends.

I knew people like Dolly. They steered every conversation toward God, Jesus, and salvation.

During a casual volleyball game:
"Good save, Bob!"
"Thanks, but it was not as good as the save Jesus performed when he died for our sins!"
"uh, yeah ...praise Jesus."

The New Testament refers to a variety of "gifts of the spirit". I wonder if the ability to make every interaction slightly awkward counts as a gift?

Slowly killing me

It's slowly killing me too, but in a good way.

Dolly said the same thing on stage during poetry reading night at the coffee house but she did so in a whiskey fueled rage. The manager threw her out after she threw the half empty bottle at a heckler. Her parents sent her to her room. The stuffed animals appreciate the poetry in her spare prose even if her brother, Billy, with his narrow-minded concepts about poetry does not. The goldfish does not care.

Young Mary is so overwhelmed by an actual act of kindness that she vows never to engage in those sorts of acts herself. Just spout platitudes and meddle and pretend that this is kindness. Action only leads to pain. Pain is bad.

Here's a quote that Mary should consider adding to her repertoire:
"If only I could throw away the urge to trace my patterns in your heart, I could really see you." - David Brandon (Zen in the Art of Helping). Following that advice would cause Mary's reason for being to cease.

Mary Worth's story is slowly killing me, but not in a good way.

Snow

That is snow on my car. Snow fell in huge flakes but it was not cold enough for it to accumulate on the ground. Walter took some pictures of the snowflakes coming down. Now the sun is out and any traces of snow is gone. Should have saved some in the freezer.

The dogs were not impressed with the snow. They looked out the door and then resumed playing in the living room. They have short coats, they were not designed for this weather.


Seems that Jake does not find Ballard Street to be the nirvana that I envision. I like artist's ability to capture the Ballard Street style, down to the lighter ink.

Thank you Jeff and Bil Keane for not drawing that.

The wise person that Mary quotes is the Dalai Lama. He was not mentioned by name because he would probably be annoyed at Mary Worth for twisting the spirit of his philosophy. Silly Toby, you don't need religion in order to be a meddling biddy that mistakes platitudes and unwanted advice for kindness.

Mary has lived in Charterstone for years and no one knows about her background?

This could foreshadow some interesting back story but since this is Mary Worth probably not.

I posted a poll about Mary Worth's possible religion. Likely, a very white bread protestant religion. I included Rastafarianism for fun.

Happiness through lower standards

The poll has closed. The poll should have closed a few days ago, since Mary Worth actually appeared in her comic strip. Began my 39th year and the sun has not gone supernova. One person called it correctly. Karen Moy, maybe? A second person voted after Mary's appearence.

I woke up this morning and did not find dead bodies in the street. A good day. I stay happy by keeping my standards for a good day low. I learned that technique from Walter.

Poor Bailey is 10 years old and already balding.

Alice the maid and Carol Brady says, "Get the hell out of our kitchen!"

Wow, I cannot think of Alice's last name. This makes me happy. I will not rush the demise of this moment by looking it up.

Pepperoni is a nice topping, it doesn't fly south for the winter

When I feel bad about my drawing skills, I read the Quigmans and feel much better.

Cartoonists on acid:

Exhibit A
Exhibit B
God did not @#$%! put the light in the fridge, a human being at the fridge factory put the light in the fridge! That human being does not give a rat's ass about your snacking habits, Billy! Another thing, the common usage is midnight SNACK not treat.

Better to abuse the Family Circus children than real children.

The flame thrower is more fun but not quite as environmentally friendly.

Guy Williams plays the role of Drew Cory in panel one. If a simple break-up leaves Dr. Drew reeling, I wonder what the sight of real suffering would do to him? Throw him into some kind of catatonic state? How does he practice medicine? Drew, you do need to get away from Santa Royale. Take your dad with you. Take me with you. Plenty of poverty in the Caribbean.

A funny blog that I added to my feeds: Stuff White People Like A funny look at "white culture" or at least the somewhat progressive, privileged, hipster aspects of whiteness.

12 Hair Dryers!

Forget about a fuse or the electric bill, shouldn't you be more concerned that a household with 5 people has 12 hair dryers? I consider a hair dryer one of the more annoying sounds on earth. I know too many people whose voices remind me of a hair dryer. None of these people are the quiet type. A just God would silence these people.

Dolly, you suck. That felt good. On rare occasions I start a drawing of a person with the feet but I can plan a bit better. Dolly, you suck. That still feels good. Try it, next time you're feeling down, unless your name is Dolly then pick a different Family Circus kid.

The readers are clamoring for Vera to dump Dr. Drew or at least drop a bombshell such as pregnancy or coming out. All the dialogue written so far appears to lead to it but remember who writes this comic. Karen Moy has done this before - dangle the prospect of something interesting then not deliver the goods. Note: those donuts or bagels are gentle caressing huge!

Walt had time to get dressed but Jeremy's mom did not? What the gentle caress?

Like, engage, dude.

An image for the cooler temperatures: I got this from some one's Flickr photostream but I don't remember the user name or the location. Good Photoshop work. The image made me laugh.

Curtis' younger brother makes a cameo appearance in Family Circus.

I don't get the joke. I want to get it. Somebody help me, please.

Loki woke me up last night so that I would let him out. He grabbed one of the legs of my pajama pants and pulled in an effort to make me go to the back door faster. This only resulted in a half-asleep Linda attempting to walk off balance. I walked into the hallway wall. When Loki, 75 pounds of Bullmastiff/ Pit Bull mix with the head the size of a regulation volleyball, has to go out at night he has to carry something outside with him. A stuffed animal, a toy or in the case of last night, a towel that was on the kitchen floor. He has attempted to drag his bed outside if he could not find anything else. I draw the line there. He has to drag this stuff out but does not feel the need to take anything back inside. At 6:30 this morning, I traipsed barefooted across a cold, wet backyard to retrieve the towel he dragged out. I don't understand the reason for Loki's behavior but I find it sort of amusing.

During the winter break, I will make a trip in the backyard and pick up all the stuff Loki has dragged out and wash what I can. It will all end up in the backyard eventually.

My teacher says STFU a lot

... because you are a loud mouth that doesn't know when to shut the hell up and your teacher is not allowed to say "shut your f*ck!ng pie hole for once this millennium" on school grounds or at a school function.

Some people yell at the TV, I yell at the funnies. I also realize my life is quite easy if I can expend energy getting worked up about the funnies.

Then out of nowhere comes laugh out loud funny from Tumbleweeds. Tumbleweeds!?! One of the primary components of humor is the unexpected and the unexpected can shake a person up that the only reaction is to laugh.

A funny thing to put in my obituary: She died while laughing at a Marmaduke comic.

What's more fun?

Two slide presentation themed comics. These appeared back to back on my Chron.com comics page.


Granny gets all Zen on Billy's ass.
What's more fun than watching a bunch of little kids stuttering off-key through the holiday classics? Wrist slashing, fingernail removal, water boarding, watching a PowerPoint presentation presented by someone who just reads the damn slides, bikini waxing, listening to Mannheim Steamroller's non-Christmas music,

reading Mary Worth comics, writing little critiques of Mary Worth comics on an obscure blog, reading other blogs that skewer Mary Worth, making YouTube videos of Mary Worth, watching live action productions of Mary Worth comics, trying to figure out the floor plan of spaces in Mary Worth comics, and this list could go on.

One of several Christmas annoyances: Sleigh only has one syllable. Remember that when singing, Jingle Bells. It is even more annoying when children sing sleigh as a two syllable word.

Back to Mary Worth - only one fish on the wall but bigger. Are the fish eating each other? Maybe the fish triggers a secret door in the wall. The couple from yesterday knew about it and now the waiter heads for the wall.

New word to add to my vocabulary

Whoa, Billy! Turn the arrogance down a notch!

Thank you Bucky Catt for the new word - annoypid. Annoypid: annoying and stupid. I love it! Annoypid is such a perfect word for what my work week has been like so far. The annoypid students have attempted to turn their lack of planning into my emergency this week. I refuse to deny students the wisdom gained from experience. Consider it part of the "other education."

I can now update my regular website. Cannot do it in the most efficient way but I can do it. This is a huge relief. I will try FTP tonight but at least there is a working method as a back up.

I will not update on Sunday because of Radio M*A*S*H and the minister's installation. That day I will work at the toy drive, go home, clean up, attend installation and then go back to the toy drive, finish up and then go home and go to bed - hopefully at a reasonable hour.

I love lead!

Robert Lovely did not have access to an actual Barbie doll so he used the female figure from one of the anatomy books that most artists have around the house. I think Lovely did what I often do - draw the picture then come up with a gag.

I haven't looked at a Barbie doll in over a year and do not pay attention too closely to the commercials when ever I watch SpongeBob Squarepants so I could be unaware of Mattel's efforts to reproportion Barbie. I will find out later this week at Radio M*A*S*H.

I could recreate the above cartoon with one of the many less than gently used Barbies that get donated every year.

This year, the toy drive will have a poster depicting all the recalled toys. We could have a Barbie shortage.

The question that I have whenever another toy recall makes the news: There is an acceptable level of lead?

...because most of the lead is in the flakes.

Slow School

Mary cannot simply say that she now has a dog. No, this little misunderstanding will go on for three weeks just because Mary cannot say, "I have a dog." like a normal human. I wonder how poor Chester will deal with the constant dimensional shifting of his surroundings?

No, Dolly the slow is not a command but an adjective describing the type of school you attend. Thel could get rid of two of her children by speeding up and then hitting the brakes. She has an airbag, the children do not. The seat belts in the back seats are useless and go right across the little children's necks. Part of my psyche would take great joy in the sound of the Family Circus children's necks snapping and that kind of scares me. Perhaps observing this closely during meditation could yield some insights. Then again, it could serve as a reminder to stop putting so much psychic energy into trivial matters.

Desire is a cause of suffering and may I be free of the desire to see the Family Circus children die bloody, violent deaths - the comic strip children not the real people which the fictional children are based upon. [Holy crap! I really need to read more carefully before I publish! I do not desire the death of the real people either.] An unfulfilled desire can cause has much suffering as a fulfilled one. Satisfaction is fleeting but keeping that in mind I could enjoy the killing as long as I do not become attached to the joy and understand that the joy will only last that moment. I could be completely in that moment and then move to the next.

Hey, that's the other fat, orange cat's gag!

Lisa's Legacy

I believe a term exists for newborn doggies. Puppies, you little giant headed retard!


You on the far right of the second panel! You are not smirking correctly! If you wish to remain in Funky Winkerbean you must learn to smirk. Who let this guy on the set!?

Family Circus gets a bit dark

Beetle, beware of the wrath of a jealous Sarge!

I thought it was a dog but I think it's the weird ass cat alien thing in profile.

Sorry, couldn't resist rewriting dialogue for Family Circus. The original appears first. The original is rather menacing for Family Circus.

Vera and Drew ride horses and wrist wrestle at the same time. I smell oncoming train wreck in the second panel.

Love is...

I missed it! One of the two days a week that I don't read Mary Worth and I miss the big kiss. I found it on Comics Curmudgeon. Walter and I attempted to recreate the pose but failed. We concluded it was only possible if Walter's nose had some kind of niche that my nose could fit into. Love is a willingness to recreate poses from Mary Worth comics just for my gratification. A little something that was not in the marriage vows but Walter did it anyway.



Today's comics:

Thel goes retro today.

This is one of the great comics that newspaper editors could have selected but instead they choose to run crap. Little Dee will continue to run at Littledee.net. Bookmark it. Add it to your daily reading list. This comic deserves a huge readership.

But can you still smoke anywhere?