Drivel that cannot fit in a single panel comic.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

I'm ringing in the New Year with a cold. Thank God for Zicam, Nyquil and Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus.

This week I ran 21.14 miles, burned 2,569.1 calories and weigh 164.3 pounds.

Monday: 5K in 52:38 (walked this one because of a sore knee)
Wednesday: 5 miles in 53:50
Thursday: 5K in 36:15
Friday: 9 miles in 1:48:00

In 2005 I ran 916.31 miles and burned 110,972.4 calories.

Goofy spam subject lines. Yes, actual subject lines from my deleted items folder:
I beg, save our daughter
your private invitation Boris
Save hard working money (Lazy money can fend for itself)
This one will go crazy on Tuesday (Received this one 5 times. I wish I had the courage or stupidity to actually open these e-mails. I would like to know exactly who or what is going to go crazy on Tuesday so that I can make other plans. It is nice to have a warning about craziness. Too often it just appears unexpectantly.)
emeritus Get the favor with our fashion goods. pitman
Your woman wants a replica
Replica for you
Accept no inferiors. Our accessories are the best in in their field
Or want a hedgehog drub
your private invitation Darius
blutwurst Give the impression of being your greatest ans accessorize with our precious fashion must-haves. clasp
Linda The Comparison Is Eerie
Have you ever noticed (Why yes, I have noticed. I notice a lot)
(((((( CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE WORN )))))) (Wow! I'm a worner!)
decorate avenue
The human pheromone exists, its a fact
Ranger Rick magazine: A roaring good time for kids (That doesn't describe the Ranger Rick magazine I remember)
Is someone on the phone
need a break from the rink as much
Unexampled futility for public 320 pewdom
slugabed doughy
the time fo your life is waiting for you (as seen on Dr phil)
hacienda cloudlet
negationist kerb
Ball C. Dibble
tom Paddy

Friday, December 30, 2005

I have a cold. I ran this morning, anyway.

I'm too wired to sleep and too physically tired to do something productive. I have just enough energy to type.

I can type but I have nothing to say.

I hate this state of being.

Temporary, but it still sucks.

Why do they make the pill packs so difficult to open?

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you come near?

Thursday, December 29, 2005

I got a hair cut yesterday. The lady cutting my hair asked me four times if I was sure if I wanted it so short. I told her I would sign papers releasing her from any responsibility. My roots are gray and there was an obvious line and that was bothering me so I asked to have my hair cut at the gray line.

It is short and I have a lot more gray than I thought.

I spent the day reinstalling software on the church computer. Thanks to a boneheaded mistake, I have to open up the computer to correct the mistake. I hope that it works. Then I get to take the computer back and try to reinstall the DSL software. The stupid DSL software will not install if the monitor resolution is too low and since I did not have the monitor drivers I could not change the settings. It makes no sense that the DSL software is concerned about monitor resolution.

I hope God is forgiving and flexible in regards to certain sins. Otherwise, there will be several people who work on computers burning along with murderers, rapists and others. The concept of hell and God giving the same punishment to everyone I cannot accept. Man does not give the death penalty for every offense. I believe in God but not the conception that several ministers preach. It is an insult to God to say that he does things that man does not. God is greater than man.

Judaism says God is too big to name. God is too great for me to understand.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

A few days ago I needed a good name for a school for the deaf, so I searched the web for patron saints. Thanks to Google, I hit pay dirt. The Catholics have a patron saint for just about everything. I find Catholicism fascinating - the saints, the rituals, the costumes. I understand why that religion is such a rich mine for comedy. Unitarian-Universalism does allow one to find their own truth and meaning and upholds the inherent worth and dignity of all people but when it comes to comedy, the mine does not yield much. Just some jokes about coffee.

Jokes about silly movements and chants in R.E. do not compare with jokes about scary nuns. UUs do not grow up to become comedians. It takes repressive dogma and stupid creeds and senseless rituals to mold a comedian.

Why does a cardinal upon becoming pope have to change his name? Joseph is a perfectly popey*(?) name. Why did he change it to Benedict? Is there an approved list? What if a cardinal's name is already on the approved list of pope names? Would he have to change it anyway?

There are funny things about Unitarian-Universalism but only to Unitarian-Universalists.

For the love of God, god, goddess, deity, non-deity, spirit, humanity, light, earth, cosmos, universe, wisdom, love, prophets, great teachers, soul and the undefinable thing, can't Unitarian-Universalists agree upon a shorter name for their religion!?!

Unitarian-Universalists agree - now that's funny.

*Trademark - Linda Causey 2005

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I have the complete Monty Python's Flying Circus on DVD. Freakonomics arrived in the mail. All I need now is Walter back home and things will be perfect. Walter is taking care of some important business. He will be back soon.

I'm temp fostering a Deerhound mix named Madison. She is a very active dog like Masey. They have been playing together. I'm surprised Masey has not drawn blood with the way that she grabs and tugs Maddy's ears and neck. One can learn a lot about wrestling from observing dogs at play, especially dogs unevenly matched in size.

Maddy snores very loudly.

I'm enjoying my week off.

Time to eat and watch some Monty Python.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

This week I ran 21.16 miles, burned 2,570.6 calories and weigh 163.3 pounds.

Tuesday: 5K - 30:54
Wednesday: 5 miles - 51:06
Thursday: 5K - 29:55
Friday: 9 miles - 1:48:00

I visited the Freescale Austin Marathon website and found this question and answer:

Q: What are Clydesdale and Filly divisions?
A: Clydesdale and filly divisions are based on a runner's weight. To be eligible for the clydesdale division, men must weigh 190lbs. or more. To be eligible for the filly division, women must weigh 140lbs. or more. All runners are placed in the open division at the time of registration. If you would like to be placed in the filly or clydesdale division, you must weigh in at the Expo on race weekend.

140 pounds! Holy crap! That is a low weight. I may have weighed 150 when I reached my full adult height at age 16. White Rock has their weights at 160 (women) - 200 (men). 140!

Granted, 140 pounds is within the "healthy" range for someone of my height (129 - 169 at 69 inches) but the idea of it being the minimum to compete in a "heavy" runner class boggles my mind. I think having the Clydesdale division is a great thing because it encourages people with different body types to participate but setting the mark so low for women, I think, sends a mixed message. I was under the impression that the weights were standard across all marathons with a Clydesdale/ Filly division.

When the picture I have on this blog was taken, I weighed 160 pounds. Yeah, that is what 160 looks like. I weighed 220 pounds when I decided to do something - that was in 1999. I've been in the "healthy" range since Feb. 2004. I've kept records since 2002 - my top weight was 204.3 pounds according to records.

How did I do it? 75% vigorous exercise - 25% controlling food portions. The Body for Life program kicked started things for me. It helped me get strong enough to run 5 miles and that led to me being strong enough to train for a marathon. I'm now training to run my third marathon. I would encourage you to participate a 12 week challenge (Body for Life or Lee Labrada's challenge or one at a local gym). These build a good foundation for a long term commitment to improving one's health. The results advertised on the websites are unusually dramatic but for most people there is an improvement after 12 weeks and more importantly these challenges lead to permanent lifestyle changes. We all have to start somewhere - just start.

I'll check out last year's results and see how many ran in the Filly division. I suspect more than the 29 that ran in the 2004 White Rock. Yeah, I know, I'm complaining about the weight standards but placement looks more impressive in a smaller division. I still qualify for Filly division regardless of the minimum for Austin.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

According to my files, I've drawn 1,239 comics. One thousand, two hundred and thirty-nine comics. Most funny, others baffling and a fair number of stinkers but I've never drawn a comic about fruitcake. Not a single comic. It just isn't Christmas without fruitcake gags in the funny pages.

I've never been able to write a fresh variation on fruitcake's long shelf life. I rarely think about fruitcake. It has appeared on my personal radar because of all the comic strips that I read. This made me realize that I've never drawn a fruitcake gag. Thousands of cartoonists have tread a path that I have managed to avoid.

I like fruitcake but if you are deciding on something to send me, I would prefer a greeting card with a heartfelt message, a gift card or cash.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Doing some random Blogger surfing before lunch and thought I would share some of the gems:

Life In Three Hills:
Includes a misplaced apostrophe in the profile name and writing in third person. This blog is new. It will grow and improve or someone will lose interest.

Something to Chew On: Interesting thoughts on a variety of topics.

Uhm, second time. Mostly mundane stuff, like my blog. Also has sleep issues. What is with all the Ford Explorer ads on the Google network?

First Priority - English A Merry Christmas from Singapore. Also a glimpse into the future. Entry date: Thursday, December 22. Date here in my part of the world: Wednesday, December 21.

Masonic Traveler Oo, Oo, Freemason fight! Freemason fight!

Finglish! A King Kong movie review and some Finnish.

Noble Cat Kitty pictures! The text is in Spanish but who cares, there are kitty pictures.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Check out I learned about this from Gutterboy Live, a Live Journal. It is a great tool for streaming music. You type in an artist that you like and Pandora builds a station based on that artist and introduces you to new artists with similar music. You can have multiple stations. So far I have Petula Clark Radio (with Burt Bacharach added), Ray Charles Radio, Willie Nelson Radio (with Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton added) and John Coletrane Radio.

The Willie Nelson Radio station has been most interesting because country is not the only genre that Pandora draws upon in choosing songs to play. I've heard Chris Isaak, Tonic, Train, Kelly Clarkson and other non-country musicians.

Pandora is part of the music genome project so it picks songs based on beats per minute, production qualities and other criteria. There is a rating system so if you do not like something that song will not be heard again. If you like something Pandora finds other songs like it.

Unfortunately, it does not do classical or world music. Only available to U.S. listeners.

Go check it out. I'm going to attempt to build a Ravi Shankar station.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

This week I ran 39.9 miles, burned 4,638 calories and weigh 165.3 pounds.

Monday: 5 miles - 52:14
Wednesday: 9 miles - 1:43:39
Thursday: 5 miles - 56:00
Sunday: 20 miles - 4:00:00

Walter gave me a MP3 player for Christmas. I test drove it on my 20 mile run. The beat affects my speed. I sailed through mile 18 because of "Tank!" from the Cowboy BeBop soundtrack. Fortunately, KC and the Sunshine Band's, "Boogie Man" slowed me down enough to avoid a heart attack, then Perry Como's, "Papa Loves Mambo" brought me back to a non-heart-pounding pace.

I have 2.75 miles worth of music on the player. I need to get more. Time to do some conversion.
Why stop at Christmas? Put the Christ back into Christianity.

Friday, December 16, 2005

I have 5 illustrations in this book. Pages 5, 68, 143, 229, 294. I have my own copy. The squirrel on the cover is a Texas A&M squirrel that is part a study on urban squirrel populations. It is wearing a radio collar. I have no idea what it is chewing on - maybe it is trying to unwrap some candy. Definitely chewing on something man made. There are several squirrels on campus outfitted with these collars.

Robert Gates, the University president, used to be director of the CIA. Some students think that the collared squirrels is President Gates' way of monitoring the student population.

It is a cool thing to add to my list of publications and portfolio.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

List of the day:

List what's in your glove compartment.

  1. Gloves
  2. Proof of Insurance
  3. Owner's manual
  4. Car repair/ maintenance receipts

I received a family newsletter type Christmas card from my Congressman (Chet Edwards - D). He's a good Congressman but I don't care about his son's sporting activities nor the family trip to Disney World. I only care about what he has done in Congress.

He did not use the phrase Merry Christmas. Doing his part to annoy the Christian right.

I find Christian right getting annoyed at President Bush for the lack of the phrase Merry Christmas on his holiday cards but not so annoyed about the deception or incompentence leading to the Iraq War amusing. It's the trivial shit that Americans truly care about.

Maybe I should send a holiday newsletter to Congressman Edwards. I'm sure he is interested in my activities of the past year.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My face is on fire!

I've been using Nutragena soap to do something about my acne. Apparently the soap works by burning off several layers of skin.

Today's list:

List what's under your kitchen sink:

  1. Dishwasher detergent
  2. Empty gallon water jug
  3. Bucket

That's it.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

This week's book:
Land of Nod: Rockabye Book
Land of Nod: Rockabye Book

I bought "List Yourself" in 2002. It is sort of a guided journal. I've written in it sporadically. For fun, I will post some of the more mundane lists from the chapter "Daily Life". The book has other types of lists but those are too personal to share in a public forum.

List all the things you hide when your friends come to visit:

  1. Porn
  2. The bedrooms
  3. Jackets
  4. Clutter
  5. Vacuum cleaner

A killer app: a device that sends a signal to your computer when you die to erase files that you do not want your loved ones seeing. These files would be stored in a special folder and only those files in that folder would be erased.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Check out this live journal:

Be sure to dowload Wing singing AC/DC's Back in Black. Take your dog out of the room before you play the song.

Masey has squeaky ball issues. She will fetch the ball and play with it very carefully to keep it from squeaking but as soon as it squeaks she runs to her kennel and refuses to come out without a lot of persuasion. I'll have to ask with her previous foster about that.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

I ran 19.67 miles and burned 2,423 calories and weigh 164 pounds.

Times from this week and the week before:
11-28: 6.03 miles in 1:05:00
11-29: 6.14 miles in 1:05:00
12-07: 5.4 miles in 55:00
12-08: 5 miles in 50:37
12-10: 8.6 miles in 1:55:00

I ran the 8.6 miles with Masey. She did not get tired at all.

My life and updates will become more sporadic the rest of this month.

Friday, December 09, 2005

I received a complaint about my excessive use of the snooze button. Walter complained. He's the only one that shares the bed with me. That first sentence implies a multitude in my bedroom. He has a valid point but why did he have to make it during one of the snooze cycles? I've decreased the volume on the alarm and will attempt to keep the snoozes down to three.

Why not set the alarm to 5:29 am and not use the snooze button? I cannot offer a logical rebuttal against that idea. The snoozes serve as a transition from sleep to awake. A chance to resolve interrupted dreams. It takes a great deal of motivation to compel me to skip the transition. Work is not sufficient motivation.

When I let my natural rhythms take over, I tend to waken about 7:30 am. Sunrise usually occurs between 7:00 and 7:15 am. Unfortunately, the university wants me at work at 8:00 am, thus I subvert nature. A small price to pay for a job that supports my outside of work habits and allows me to earn money to more than pay for my basic needs.

I know I complain about my sleep a lot but I can also count my blessings. At least I have a bed, a house, a job and a loving spouse. I am grateful.

I look forward to the long winter holiday.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Today, I experienced the one of the joys of non-essentialness. I received a day off from work. Texas A&M closed, except for essential personnel, because of the icy conditions. The level of ice we received may not seem like much to those of you in northern climes but we Texans cannot drive in this kind of weather. 50 accidents in one day. Probably yankees claiming that they can drive in this icy weather since they grew up in northern climates.

I spent the day catching up on some laundry and cleaning and most importantly, sleep.

I hate cold temperatures but the ice encased trees and flowers made for a lovely sight. Several cardinals and doves roosted in the backyard. A lovely sight to behold from inside a warm house.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The final official count from Radio MASH: 4,801 children.

We finished filling orders at 10:35pm on Sunday. Some organizations picked up their toys and they had some last minute children. We hooked them up.

The residents of the Brazos Valley, once again, came through generously.

After working at Radio MASH, I've formulated a strategy for winning the war in Iraq.

Send in the Girl Scouts. I know, sending children into a war zone seems mean-spirited and cruel and according to the comment attached to the previous post, as a Unitarian-Universalist I'm not allowed to display one iota cruelty, not even in a joking way. That is why there are few Unitarian-Universalist jokes that do not involve questions and coffee. Also, that is why there are few Unitarian-Universalists. Who can stand the pressure of being nice, tolerant and open-minded all the time?

Back to my strategy. Send the Girl Scouts to search for insurgents (or whatever the term du jour - I've been out of the loop for 4 days). When Girl Scouts perform a task they do not do so quietly. They don't just talk - they scream. They scream a lot. They scream for a long time. Woe to any insurgent the Girl Scouts actually find. When Girl Scouts complete a task successfully, they scream louder. Insurgents will surrender to Army or Marines to avoid the Girl Scouts. The whole country will be insurgent free inside a week.

It is unlikely the Girl Scouts would find an actual insurgent because of an inability to retain instructions and are easily distracted but what they lack in competence they compensate with enthusiasm. When Girl Scouts are enthusiastic, they scream. To be fair, Boy Scouts suffer from the same inability to retain information and possess the same lack of focus and are just as enthusiastic but they don't scream. That puts Boy Scouts way ahead of Girl Scouts in my book.

The interesting thing about creative names is that after 13 years of working this toy drive I recognize the names. DaQuandrance is now in middle school and Timothy's two oldest sisters, with bizarre names are now adults but his four other sisters with even more bizarre names are still eligible to receive toys. Thankfully, his family list is shrinking. Some family lists never seem to shrink. Dequarious' family has stuck with one child all these years.

Why are there lots of classes on how to deal with difficult co-workers but none on fixing difficult co-workers? Would it not be more efficient to send the difficult co-worker to a behavior modification class rather than send the entire office to a class on how to deal with the co-worker?

Friday, December 02, 2005

The current count of children on the Radio MASH list is 4,760. Yesterday orders for over 500 children were filled. Over 300 orders have been picked up and on their way to the intended children.

We hit Big Lots twice. The local Big Lots is going out of business so everything is 20% off. They have a lot of good toys for a low price. We will probably clean them out by the end of the weekend.

First National Bank employees and members of the Bryan Police Department provided some great volunteer assistance.

The soldiers from the Texas Army National Guard are doing great this year. We are short on tents but everyone is handling it well.

Today, we will go for 1,000 orders.