Clapping

Drew a cartoon today with the following dialogue:

"I must warn you that worship at this UU church is quite raucous. They start clapping before the last verse of the hymn."

Since I have limited experience with worship at other UU churches, I wonder if it's just my church that waits until the last verse to clap? This assumes that the hymn is suitable for clapping.

I've clapped by myself when appropriate but I don't clap very loudly because I end up clapping to the up beat rather than the down beat. Sometimes I clap to both.

Speaking of joyful noises, a woman ran, walked and danced on the treadmill next to mine yesterday. She clapped, too. My initial annoyance went away when I realized that exercise - even on a treadmill - should be fun. As long as she continues to make it fun for her, she will reach her fitness goals.

I bet she wouldn't be afraid to clap loudly in a UU church.

1,500th post

Tom Wilson probably found this hilarious. I have committed the same sin, inflicting a cartoon on the public that only I found funny. What is speaking, the toaster or the toast?


In honor of my 1,500th post - a funny Marmaduke.

Walter and I had the same sort of thing happen at our wedding reception. Some guy danced with everyone but he was not part of my family, Walter's family nor one of our friends. Just some guy.

From The Onion: Goofy Guy Named Gary Enlivens Otherwise Intolerable Wedding Reception

Our wedding reception was quite fun.

Marmaduke is a big hit at this party.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?

Using silliness as a diversion from nonsense. No that is not the punchline. One of my cartoon writing techniques is to play with a cliche or very old joke. I've been having fun with the fly in the soup joke.

Standard joke:
Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
The backstroke.

Variations:
Waiter, what's this fly doing on my soup bowl?
He's the lifeguard.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
That's stew not soup.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Oh my, that's the wrong fly! Let me take your soup back to the kitchen and make sure you get the right fly.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
A lousy remake of an old joke.

Waiter, what's this black fly doing in my chardonnay?
Being ironic.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Someone shrunk Michael Phelps!

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
That's no fly, that is my wife!

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Recon.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
That's a cockroach.

Waiter, what's this soup doing in my fly?

Anything to add?

New record!

Mary Worth has been Mary Worthless for 33 days in a row. A new record.

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One of my gag writing techniques is to write down a bit of a conversation and then depict only the last statement. I think this is funny because I know the whole conversation but the reader is left wondering what lead up to this moment. The whole conversation is usually quite absurd. Yes, I have some weird conversations play out in my head. None of this weirdness happens under the influence of mind altering substances.

Single panel comics that depict only a slice of a larger story are my favorite kind of gags. These work best when done sparingly. If I had weird conversations playing out in my head on a daily basis, I would question my sanity.

I think name Ethel is an inherently funny name. Couple that with the silliness of naming body parts (after a famous Ethel, no less) and sharing that information with another person, the result is Linda laughing out loud and unable to adequately explain what is so funny to those around her.

Answering, "Nothing" to the question, "What is so funny?" really means you don't want to know and would only lead to more questions that I cannot answer.

I don't know how these absurd thoughts end up in my head but I appreciate the gift.

Single Panel Goodness and Mary Worth

Three gags that I wish I had thought of:



The people in the first panel see something horrible, avert their eyes and quickly walk away but some cannot help but keep looking as they walk away from the horror inside the Bum Boat.

The stuffed fish on the paneled wall in the second panel are named Sailor and Fred. Wait, let's trend it up: Psaylor and Phred.

A UU Theme Park?

Mary Worth shakes the color out of those roses. I would love to see a live action version of this comic.

Now a peak into my cartoon idea generating process -

Bad theme parks:

1. ActuaryLand (I don't know what an actuary does but it is always number one on the list of occupations that I would not like on every career interest test I've taken)
2. JuniorHighWorld
3. Pea-o-Rama
4. Tibetan Book of the Dead Land (why should Judeo-Christian holy books have all the theme park fun?)
5. DaliWood (a Salvador Dali theme park)
6. UUWorld (I know that's the name of the magazine)

The four and five have the most potential, visually. Number three has a couple of easy laughs built in depending on the angle taken.

I like the comedic potential of a UU theme park. Any suggestions on attractions for UUWorld?

Cartoon Fodder and the Future

I used my failed quest for a pair of pants that fit as fodder for a cartoon today. I was not in the maternity section by mistake in case any one was wondering.

A friend and a mentor passed away Tuesday morning. She died peacefully, surrounded by family and in the home she loved. This had been a long illness and I knew the eventual outcome.

She founded the Insight Meditation group at our church. She and I were the only two members of the church in the group. We welcome all people regardless of their affiliation with Brazos UU. There used to be a third church member but he passed away.

Ann did leave a foundation upon which the meditation group could still go on. The two other core members can teach. I can ring the gong and give instruction on the basics (shut up and breathe). This summer, I'm the only one still in town so I've not gone to meditation. I need to inform the office administrator that the meditation group is suspended for the summer. We do get an occasional visitor to the group but rarely do they come back.

Ann did a lot of behind the scenes activities such as keeping the UU Buddhist people informed of our activities and letting other appropriate groups know of our existence. One of the other members has taken that on. I'm not ready for the designation of "the leader." If I always waited until I was ready I would have stopped getting out of bed around age 18.

Embracing the gray

I want to apply Karen Moy's writing technique to my own cartoon writing; conceive an interesting plot and then write the opposite. In my case, think of something really sad and then write the opposite.

There is still a glimmer of interesting. Jeff goes to Mary's apartment that afternoon and she is not there. But that would be interesting so Jeff will show up and find Mary there.

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My hair is now 75% gray, maybe more, but it is hard to tell because my non-gray color is sandy blond with a touch of red. The gray has intensified in the past few months. I've embraced the gray in reality (having thick, wavy hair helps take away the sting of pre-mature gray - thanks, Dad.) but I'm not ready to change my cartoon self-portraits. When I've drawn cartoon self-portraits I've used the current hair length but I just can't bring myself to use the 10% gray to color my cartoon alter-ego's hair. I used a light brown for my cartoon alter-ego so I was not completely accurate there either. This change has happened somewhat gradually (starting at age 25) in reality whereas it would be a sudden change for the cartoon alter-ego.

Unless, I write something about it very few people would know when I choose to inject myself into my cartoons. I guess the alter-ego can keep the light brown hair.

Holding my breath in the middle of the ice cream aisle

I'll dispense the advice, thank you very much. Mary does have a problem - she can give it but cannot take it. If Karen Moy does not get on with it then I will lose interest. I suspect the same thing happens to Karen Moy as she writes these things. Sad, that the author loses interest in the middle of a story. I predict the gap between potential and execution will be huge.

For the first time in several months, I wrote gags. The "You've Been Warned" project is coming to a close so now I need to write and draw new material. I bought a new mini composition book to write all my ideas down. I have a pretty decent head start. I bought a new planner case to hold my stuff. Transferring things gave me a chance to remove some clutter from my life.

I've added to my Sparkpeople.com tracker the goal of removing 10 items of clutter 5 days a week. So far I've not completed a full week but the tracker serves as a reminder and I would like to start a streak.

Since the West Virginia primary, I've found aspects of Hillary Clinton's campaign a bit troubling. I get the impression that part of her case for the nomination is her ability to appeal to ugly America. Can we leave ugly America out of this one? Their numbers can't be that huge.

I hope this is over by Wednesday morning. Hillary Clinton still has the options of holding her breath or throwing a huge temper tantrum in the middle of the ice cream aisle.

You've Been Warned!

I found a cartooning project courtesy of the always brilliant blog: Judge a Book by Its Cover and this hilarious post: http://judgeabook.blogspot.com/2008/01/youve-been-warned.html

Maughta and one her co-workers at the library were reading passages from James Patterson's current best seller, "You've Been Warned ("Fear is just the beginning")" and found it quite amusing. This book is number one on the New York Times best seller list for hard cover fiction.

Maughta typed up a list of all the last sentences of every chapter of this book. I read them and several of them caused single panel cartoons to instantly come to mind. This would be a fun challenge: draw a single panel cartoon for all 110 last lines of each chapter of You've Been Warned. This could keep me going for several months. I've been in a bit of a writing slump anyway and this might be just the thing to get me out. Some of the lines will take some creativity in coming up with a humorous visual. I'm excited about cartooning again! Thanks Maughta and James Patterson!

Also, He Can Levitate

aperfectworld.org is down. Very annoying. My host is doing some kind of transition and has set up a "transition kiosk" to let their customers know about the status of their transition. Good intentions - poor execution. Going to the kiosk only sends me back to the site telling me about the kiosk. I do not get any useful information about my site's transition and attempts to log on to the old control panel are unsuccessful. I hope the site is back up soon so that I can put up my latest cartoon.

Now about other people's cartoons:
Mary's scarf has lengthened since rescuing the dog. The lady with the cat in the first panel is irritated because she has been waiting for hours, despite patronizing this animal hospital for decades, while Mary Worth and her stray get to see the vet immediately.

A fun look at the first UU principle.

For the first time in months, I took time to write some cartoon gags. Some of them are funny.

I think the time change helped because I did not experience the 9:30 - 11:00 wall of sleepiness this morning. I felt a bit more focused this morning.

No funny for you!

Today and yesterday I did not draw anything particularly funny. Cartoon creepy but not funny. I've felt compelled to draw things but not funny things. Part of it has to with the season another part has to do with stuff going on in my life. Both parts have to do with death. Odd that I would feel the effects of the autumn season because this part of Texas really does not experience an autumn in the usual sense. More like spring with slightly muted colors. A few leaves change and die off but most trees keep their foliage.

I should sit down and write some gags since the funny does not seem to happen when I start drawing. It usually happens but not this week.

Updates, finally

I used an alternate method for updating my website.
Vera, you call those jazz hands! My arthritic mother can do more enthusiastic jazz hands.

Mary's unseen thought balloon in panel one: And why did you choose to perform Tai Chi right now?

Vera does a Kung Fu bow in the second panel after she knocked Mary down. How else could Vera end up in the position she has in the second panel? Damn, you Giella for refusing to draw the exciting Kung Fu action.

Drew should consider writing Vera a check for a large amount of money. It worked for Von.

The final cartoon from the contest. No winners, I thought of this myself. The Pak'Ma'Ra' is a species from Babylon 5 that dined on carrion. If you laughed without the explanation then you are a geek. This cartoon is in the archives. For the past three days I continued to update the site even though I could not upload the changes. Optimistic or insane? I don't know.

Lesson learned: don't solicit gags from blog readers, especially when your blog as about 8 readers. The solicitation does free my mind for thinking of gags on my own.

Humor Gene

Tony Carillo is good. He has, what Scott Adams describes as the humor gene. His humor gene is highly developed. His and Mark Parisi's (Off the Mark).

I wonder what thought process leads to a clock so broken that it is right only once a day? Looking at it now, it seems like such an obvious gag. A bit of low hanging fruit. But no one else has thought of it. Or at least no one else thought to draw it or write it.

A more humor impaired type would say maybe the clock is one of those military type 24 hour clocks and therefore would only be right once a day. If you recognize yourself in the previous sentence, next time that you have a similar thought after someone shares a joke or gag with you, please keep the thought to yourself. It really sucks the life out of comedy. I've had experiences with such people (mostly in progressive circles) and they were awkward and unpleasant. Sometimes it is okay just to laugh at the joke and not think about it too much and then move on.

I wonder if the gags come easily to Carillo or does it take a bit of work? Sort of in the way that most of us are capable of running but it is harder for some than others.

I did think of a second nerdy "Yo Mama" joke. The contest is still open if someone comes up with something funnier. No, I won't share mine until the comic is posted or someone has something funnier.

Gag Writing Help

I've drawn a cartoon of two nerdy guys talking to each other. The caption is Nerd Yo Mama Jokes. I'm stuck and I need some help.

The first guy says, "Yo Mama is so fat, that when I ran past her I was slung 200 years into the past!"

The second guy responds, "Oh, yeah! Yo Mama is so (insert negative characteristic here) that (insert humorous metaphor here)"

In keeping with the spirit of the caption, the insulters and the first insult, the metaphor should be a bit of a sci-fi, comic or somewhat nerdy cultural or scientific reference. The first guy's insult is based on Star Trek physics (using the Earth's gravity to slingshot into the past).

The original version of the cartoon featured a fat person and someone saying that they need to go back in time so they will run by the fat person. Then it evolved into a guy saying the first insult to a second silent character but then I thought it would be funny to have the two nerdy guys trade "Yo Mama" insults.

So, I turn to you, the reader, for some help. Some of you are UUs and judging from some of the responses to Making Chutney's post http://www.makingchutney.com/2007/09/25/how-should-uus-take-names-in-vain/ a few of you have some nice comedic chops. We can make jokes about our religion and write our own material instead of letting Garrison Kiellor (not a UU) do all the work.

What's in it for you? One, the winning entry will see their wit on display in about two weeks when I actually post the cartoon. Two, the winner will receive credit on my page and in the cartoon itself. Three, the winner will have the original artwork for the cartoon sent to them. That's right, if you can finish my gag, you will receive the 8.5 x 11 inch piece of paper that I drew the cartoon on. The paper has my handwritten notes outside the border and an incomprehensible graph on the back. Everyone wins with their wit immortalized on my blog. UPDATE: Deadline - 2 weeks from the date on this blog entry. Send in the wit.

Please share your nerdy Yo Mama joke in the comments. My second person needs dialogue.

Thank you.

Preview Gag

This a preview of a gag that I will draw tomorrow. The sketchcast moves a bit slow because I'm still getting the hang of the tools.

Disclaimer: I'm not some anti-smoking fanatic. As long as you don't blow in my face or force me to breathe your second hand smoke and expect me to pay for your medical bills then you can do what you want. This cartoon was inspired by the smoker who sat on a bench outside to smoke and then put out his/her butts on the ground and left them there. 10 steps away from a trash can. A trash can with a nice ledge that would have allowed the smoker to put out his/her butts. 10 steps and I would not have been forced to think less of you or been inspired to draw a cartoon. If you are the smoker in question and you see this rough drawing and the finished product in a couple of weeks, yes, this cartoon is about you.

Delusions of comedy

The rock's original punch line was, "I'm stoned". I thought, "I have no f*ck*ng arms!" was funnier. Not that good a gag to begin with so improvement proved difficult.

Spent most of yesterday evening watching My Life on the D List with Kathy Griffin. Managed to cook something and put clean clothes on the bed. Did not make it as far as folding and putting up the clean clothes. I posted the above cartoon.

I'm trying to get through the wall of sleepiness that hits me from 9:30 am to 11:00 am. Pretty amazing that I can be so sleepy despite the Arctic conditions in my office. I'm surprised I have not destroyed a few bras with my nipples.

I also watched a little bit of Last Comic Standing. I watch a fair amount of stand-up comedy. Have become a bit of a comedy snob. The fart and dick jokes always get a laugh but other than that I can be quite a snob. I no longer find Carlos Mencia funny. Too much "I'm going so say something really rude!" and "Freedom of speech!" Carlos Mencia has some humorous takes on race and class relations and his ethnicity allows him to bring it up. He stops being funny to me when he lets the message supersede the joke.

I watch a lot of stand-up and often think I could do that. I often dream of doing stand-up and occasionally make a few baby steps toward that goal - write some jokes, maybe try putting something on YouTube, putting together a bit for the church coffee house and even think about traveling to a city where auditions for Last Comic Standing are happening (Is that show still on the air? I caught it on Bravo.). People have told me that I am funny and that I should do it. Sometimes reality gets to me - do I really want to do this enough to go to crappy clubs and try to entertain drunks? Do I really want to do all that traveling? Can I handle the heckling? Do I really want to do this?

I think writing comedy would be a better choice for me. I write the jokes, someone else tells them.

For those who actually do stand-up, a few pointers from a comedy snob:

1. The majority of Americans do not live in Los Angeles or New York City. The L.A./ NYC jokes don't play well in Dallas.
2. A few ethnicity/ religion specific jokes are okay but don't make it the whole act. The nun nightmare stories get a bit old. (Maybe there are no known UU comedians because our religion does not provide sufficient fodder - one can only tell so many coffee jokes. Growing up, I went to UU Religious Education every Sunday, oh my god, the horrors of learning tolerance and being allowed to form my own beliefs! All the snacks were organic! I was so jealous of the Baptist kids who got Twinkies during their Sunday Bible classes. One time someone brought organic Twinkies to RE but those tasted like free-range chicken shit.)
3. Dick and fart jokes are funny but again don't make it the whole act.
4. I don't give a shit about your children. And if your partner is so damn psychotic - leave! The drama is not worth the material.
5. White comedians, if you should appear on a BET comedy show, just be your funny self - no need to pander to the audience. (It would be funny if you made fun of the white person in the front row just like all the black comedians - turn the cliche around. That is part of a bit I wrote - stand up comedy through correspondence school - white girl gets the black comic edition and does the cliche stuff but delivers it stereotypically white as possible.)
6. Just spouting random pop cultural references does not make an act - substance please.
7. Profanity - use it appropriately

Do not use any of the jokes above without permission and credit, please.

Assumptions

Where did Dr. Drew get the non-white lab coat? Does Dr. Drew have to bitch slap him a colleague?

So this is what madness looks like. Yeah, Olive, Popeye has his head stuck inside the mouth of a cow because he no longer cares about you. I've known people who would make the same sort of assumption. The cow thing only demonstrates the insanity of assuming that other people's motives for their actions stem from lack of care for you or out of spite. Sometimes it is what it is - nothing else.

I've fallen a bit behind in my gag writing. Fortunately, something usually comes to me when I sit down and draw. I had some time to write while waiting for a speaker, today. My usual technique involves sort of stream of consciousness writing and doodling. I can get a few viable gags out of that in a 30 minute session. Today, I tried writing gags around a theme. I chose waiting because that's what I was doing. Got 5 solid gags out of a 10 minute session. I will try this technique for a while. Add some focus to my writing.

Comic time

Things at work have slowed down a bit. I've been filming and editing candidate videos. I will do more of that in the beginning of next week. I've enjoyed doing this over the infinite project. I did receive some helpful suggestions for the project, for example "need photo" in a space holder that I placed on the poster for the photos that I'm trying to get. I wonder if one of the wildlife researchers will let me use the tranquilizer dart gun? That will make some of these people stop so I can get a photo. I did receive some actual helpful suggestions on this project, very few of them providing the information I need but I'll take what I can get.
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Themes for today's comics: other characters appearing in single panel comics and dog drinking out of the toilet bowl gags (Buckles and Mother Goose and Grimm, which I did not post here).

B.C. explores the hilarity of domestic violence.

Sometimes, I suspend a bit of scientific knowledge for the sake of a gag. It looks like Glasbergen does the same thing. But I felt this panel pushed the suspension a bit far. I immediately thought of the baleen whales rather than the toothed whales when reading this gag. A panel caption does not provide enough space to make distinctions. I suppose "..why do sperm whales (or killer whales) weigh two tons?" could have worked. Maintain the integrity of the gag with some scientific accuracy.

More information about whale diets and weights can be found here and here.

Now, I have that song stuck in my head. Shining star for you to see... What your life can truly be... Damn it, now I have to go find that song so that I can hear the whole thing so I can make the parts that I know stop playing in a loop in my head.
Idea for a game show for cartoonists: Set up that bad punchline. Contestants receive a bad punchline and then proclaim how many panels it would take them to set it up. Then they would have to draw the comic. I can set up that crappy punchline in two panels. Ha, I can set it up in a single panel.
Face it Mary, no one wants to attend the Charterstone pool party. Sadly, I'm kind of looking forward to it. This could answer questions about Mary Worth time. Will the pool party strip appear tomorrow or will it wait until Sunday? If it appears tomorrow then Mary Worth time corresponds to our 24 hour day but if it does not appear until Sunday then 60 hours of our time equals 24 hours of Mary Worth time. We have the potential for a breakthrough in comic strip physics research.

Giella can still draw the withering stare of Mary Worth.

The Infinite Project

Eww! Did not see that coming. Neither did the old man.

I have a project at work that I do not want to do. The guidelines change and no one is cooperating. Employee turn over does not help either. The project is important to the boss. I've shown him more interesting things that I've worked on but I get a "that's nice, but how about this project?" It seemed like a neat project when I volunteered but the factors mentioned above have ruined it and the idea that seemed sound initially has morphed, upon reflection, into something not so good. The meeting effect - dumb ideas sound brilliant in a group setting. Unfortunately, I cannot seem to convince anyone that approach originally suggested will not work very well. I work on the project in short bursts. Things change that alter the project. This thing could go on forever. A lot of ink, time, paper and energy will be wasted. Time for a career evaluation.

I bought "Resumes that Knock Them Dead" and "Cover Letters that Knock Them Dead" at a garage sale. I got them for free because the lady did not want to break a 5 dollar bill just for 25 cents. This inspired a gag. I can't get a job because my resume and cover letter keeps killing potential employers. The resume serial killer strikes again! Just HR people - no big loss.

I really need to update the resume and learn to write a cover letter. Some aspects of this job nibble at my soul.