Up all night

Recommended reading:

A CLOSED LETTER TO MYSELF ABOUT THIEVERY, HECKLING AND RAPE JOKES

As usual I was awake for several hours in the middle of night. Thoughts were floating around in my head. Some of the thoughts were about comedy and being a comedian - hence the recommended reading. Might make me be a better comedy writer, certainly a better audience member.

I tried something novel, instead of tossing and turning and kicking Walter, I wrote. Cradled a flashlight on my chest (Tits, what can't they do?) and wrote stuff down. I haven't seen what I wrote in the light of day and you  will probably not see it either except in its refined form or as a cartoon.

I am not a comedian, been a wanna be comedian for 30 years but not taken any steps toward that goal. I try to play with my desire to be funny through cartoons, sometimes through twitter. But thoughts of doing comedy keep me up in the small hours of the morning at least once a week. 

I can at least write and maybe that will make you laugh. Easier to deal with hecklers.

Don't be a heckler. If you want to be in the show, then get your ass on stage.

George Carlin: 1937 - 2008

Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits!

May you be at peace.

May your family be at peace.

OCD in the funnies

Dagwood only wears that to work. His weekend clothes are elsewhere. Are five pairs of the same shoes really necessary? Unless he plans on running an ultra-marathon in that get up and the shoes go up a half size I think one pair of shoes would be sufficient. Given Dagwood's other quirks I guess owning several pairs of the same style of shoes seems comparatively harmless.

I wonder about the extent of Dagwood's work clothing neuroses. Does Dagwood pitch a fit if the Monday shoes are placed under the Tuesday suit?

Dagwood: Blondie, the Wednesday bow tie is on the the Friday shirt!
Blondie: Dagwood, they are all the same.
Dagwood: No, they are not! You just refuse to see the differences! How many times do I have to show you? The Wednesday bow tie is a slightly lighter shade of red. And --- oh no! --- the Thursday pants are with Tuesday jacket! AHHHH!!!!!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder explains so much about Dagwood. The chronic tardiness, sleepiness, and the long baths. Blondie is a saint to be able to live with Dagwood for 75 years.

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The History Channel has moved away from all Nazis, all the time. I think everyone has gotten the point about the Nazis - they were evil. That is the point of every Nazi documentary.

Now the History Channel is all dangerous jobs that kind of suck but pay pretty damn well. Deadliest Catch, Axe Men, and Ice Road Truckers. A show about how tough it is to live and work in Alaska will premier soon. Eventually the History Channel will take this to its logical conclusion - a show about the camera operators who film these people doing the dangerous, kind of sucky, well-compensated jobs. Call it Camera Men!

I will expect fair compensation and executive producer credit if this show ever becomes reality. I know a special has been done about camera operators in dangerous places but never an entire show. The whole thing will stretch to infinity until Discovery Networks collapses into itself.

At least I have an idea for a cartoon.

Humor Gene

Tony Carillo is good. He has, what Scott Adams describes as the humor gene. His humor gene is highly developed. His and Mark Parisi's (Off the Mark).

I wonder what thought process leads to a clock so broken that it is right only once a day? Looking at it now, it seems like such an obvious gag. A bit of low hanging fruit. But no one else has thought of it. Or at least no one else thought to draw it or write it.

A more humor impaired type would say maybe the clock is one of those military type 24 hour clocks and therefore would only be right once a day. If you recognize yourself in the previous sentence, next time that you have a similar thought after someone shares a joke or gag with you, please keep the thought to yourself. It really sucks the life out of comedy. I've had experiences with such people (mostly in progressive circles) and they were awkward and unpleasant. Sometimes it is okay just to laugh at the joke and not think about it too much and then move on.

I wonder if the gags come easily to Carillo or does it take a bit of work? Sort of in the way that most of us are capable of running but it is harder for some than others.

I did think of a second nerdy "Yo Mama" joke. The contest is still open if someone comes up with something funnier. No, I won't share mine until the comic is posted or someone has something funnier.

Delusions of comedy

The rock's original punch line was, "I'm stoned". I thought, "I have no f*ck*ng arms!" was funnier. Not that good a gag to begin with so improvement proved difficult.

Spent most of yesterday evening watching My Life on the D List with Kathy Griffin. Managed to cook something and put clean clothes on the bed. Did not make it as far as folding and putting up the clean clothes. I posted the above cartoon.

I'm trying to get through the wall of sleepiness that hits me from 9:30 am to 11:00 am. Pretty amazing that I can be so sleepy despite the Arctic conditions in my office. I'm surprised I have not destroyed a few bras with my nipples.

I also watched a little bit of Last Comic Standing. I watch a fair amount of stand-up comedy. Have become a bit of a comedy snob. The fart and dick jokes always get a laugh but other than that I can be quite a snob. I no longer find Carlos Mencia funny. Too much "I'm going so say something really rude!" and "Freedom of speech!" Carlos Mencia has some humorous takes on race and class relations and his ethnicity allows him to bring it up. He stops being funny to me when he lets the message supersede the joke.

I watch a lot of stand-up and often think I could do that. I often dream of doing stand-up and occasionally make a few baby steps toward that goal - write some jokes, maybe try putting something on YouTube, putting together a bit for the church coffee house and even think about traveling to a city where auditions for Last Comic Standing are happening (Is that show still on the air? I caught it on Bravo.). People have told me that I am funny and that I should do it. Sometimes reality gets to me - do I really want to do this enough to go to crappy clubs and try to entertain drunks? Do I really want to do all that traveling? Can I handle the heckling? Do I really want to do this?

I think writing comedy would be a better choice for me. I write the jokes, someone else tells them.

For those who actually do stand-up, a few pointers from a comedy snob:

1. The majority of Americans do not live in Los Angeles or New York City. The L.A./ NYC jokes don't play well in Dallas.
2. A few ethnicity/ religion specific jokes are okay but don't make it the whole act. The nun nightmare stories get a bit old. (Maybe there are no known UU comedians because our religion does not provide sufficient fodder - one can only tell so many coffee jokes. Growing up, I went to UU Religious Education every Sunday, oh my god, the horrors of learning tolerance and being allowed to form my own beliefs! All the snacks were organic! I was so jealous of the Baptist kids who got Twinkies during their Sunday Bible classes. One time someone brought organic Twinkies to RE but those tasted like free-range chicken shit.)
3. Dick and fart jokes are funny but again don't make it the whole act.
4. I don't give a shit about your children. And if your partner is so damn psychotic - leave! The drama is not worth the material.
5. White comedians, if you should appear on a BET comedy show, just be your funny self - no need to pander to the audience. (It would be funny if you made fun of the white person in the front row just like all the black comedians - turn the cliche around. That is part of a bit I wrote - stand up comedy through correspondence school - white girl gets the black comic edition and does the cliche stuff but delivers it stereotypically white as possible.)
6. Just spouting random pop cultural references does not make an act - substance please.
7. Profanity - use it appropriately

Do not use any of the jokes above without permission and credit, please.

Pink, New Minister, Performance

Pink! Too much pink!

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The congregation voted to call Rev. Eric Posa as our minister. The positive feelings and excitement surrounding that vote starkly contrasted the feelings four years ago. Walter took a great group photo of the congregation members who attended the congregational meeting. 73 people attended.

Signing the ministerial agreement is a great way to end my tenure as Board President. Rev. Posa's ministry will be a great way to start the new church year.

A congregant's hidden talent appeared and I will call upon her skills when presiding over the May congregational meeting.

The beauty of church community is that there is always someone with a strength that can compensate for a weakness.

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I have an idea for a performance - one person play type of thing. It has been bouncing around in my head since yesterday and is occupying a great deal of my thoughts right now. I have a slight headache because of it. Delusions that I can entertain a live audience for more than 5 minutes. I can see several bits of this thing very vividly. The thing is a monologue with props and slides. Has a touch of Bob Newhart stand up - where the audience only hears one side of a conversation. I need to write it down, develop it and maybe perform it at least once. If it fails miserably at least I will not have the regret of not trying. Title: Other People's Crap.

Some of the bits can work as comic strips - single and multiple panel but I think it would be funnier performed.

I have lots of visions but very little execution skills. I need to take a stab at this. For my own peace of mind.

Two of the joys of producing a somewhat funny but not brilliant web comic is the lack of death threats and not pissing off a lot of people when real life intrudes upon updates.

I've been asked to kill myself but I've not irritated anyone to the point of them mustering the time and energy to do the job themselves or put down the money to hire someone to kill me. Just a command and a hope that I would obey that command.

A small part of my life is based on a similar hope. I send my commands telepathically. So far it has not worked. The woman using the treadmill next me never shut up, the woman with several noisy children did not kill them, and no one fully paid attention the words coming out of their mouths. No one thought for an entire minute.

As for real life intruding upon updates. Hey, Ces! When will there be new Medium Large? I know that paying work and other things take precedence over a free web comic but what about my needs? I need to be reminded that there are people who draw better and are funnier and that I will never achieve that level of wit. Also, I could use the laugh.

Part of me knows that I can do better but another part of me wonders if this is my best. It is the second part that bothers me. I have a reached some limit? I should focus on the first part and take action.

Some think I should turn it over to Jesus. At least in Jesus I would be content in my bit above averageness. At least that is the theory. After all, God has a plan and place for everyone and maybe his plan needs a somewhat mediocre web comic and a person to do a dead-end, although well-compensated, job to fully function.

Actually, the theory is that Jesus will magically make you a better person without any effort on your part. At least, that is how I've observed some self-proclaimed Christians act. They don't try.

This whole line of thinking is why I don't fully believe in an anthropomorphic, personal god. I hold on to the belief in an anthropomorphic, personal god for comedic purposes. It is too rich a mine to completely walk away from.