Drivel that cannot fit in a single panel comic.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

This week I ran 7.01 miles and burned 907.8 calories. My weight averaged out to 166.4 pounds.

I had a meeting on Wednesday that prevented me from running that day.

I will be selling some clothes on eBay because they are too big. That is a nice statement to make about myself.

The corn cob has disappeared. I hope the squirrels are happy.

The house smells nice because Walter is making brownies for church tomorrow.

Friday, February 27, 2004

Like the new look?

Same template, different title.

I will be going out with friends tonight. We are celebrating the anniversary of our Starfleet chapter. Yes, I'm a Trekkie. A trekkie with a sense of humor so sick that she feels comfortable with mocking the misery of others. Sick, sick, sick.

I'm going to get a major karmic bitch slap if I'm not careful.


Thursday, February 26, 2004

A portrait of a beautiful family.

It is a beautiful family. It is the most perfect specimen of an American family. It is the poster family. Happy, healthy and clean. It is the kind of family one only finds in a Norman Rockwell painting. The only flaw is the two headed freak baby!

Normal people might take a few pictures for private use and to help them deal with the grief in private. They wouldn't haul the whole family, including two headed freak baby, down to Wal-Mart for the family portrait special. Furthermore, normal people do not post the damn pictures on the world wide web.

I feel sorry for the other kids. What is going through their minds: Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. MY BABY SISTER HAS TWO HEADS!!!!!! OUR PARENTS ARE MAKING US TAKE PICTURES WITH THE TWO HEADED FREAK!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!!!! Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal. Everything is perfectly normal....

I know. Don't bother telling me.

There is a proliferation of web comics based on Sonic and Megaman characters. Check it out here. Right now there is 3 of them on the Comic strips Top 100. Three does not seem like a large number but these things have a way of multiplying. Soon, the web will be covered in these things. By the way, the comics suck.

The suckage of the comics is based upon a scale known only to me. On different scales the suckage quotient may differ. With the lack of filtration a lot of crap comes through but at least the crap has a chance to be heard.

There are some great comics on the web. Something Positive, You Damn Kid, Kevin and Kell for example. My own strip has an audience. I've met some of them and they seem to be pretty nice. They are too polite to let me know when one of my panels suck.

I occassionally get some criticism that says, "You suck." A statement about an aspect of my sex life does not help me produce better panels.

Sometimes I envy Randy Milholland, the artist for Something Positive. He has been on the web for a relatively short time and he is receiving a lot of attention, in terms of cons, speaking engagements and fan appreciation. Of course, he lives in a more populated section of the country and networks better with other cartoonists whereas I live 24 miles south of the middle of nowhere Texas and being an introvert not much into networking and I don't actively promote myself. I rarely participate in the web cartooning community. Actually, I'm not sure how one participates in the web cartooning community or even if one actually exists. Most importantly, his comic strip is usually funny and has an engaging story line. Milholland does deserve all the success that he is having and I hope he continues to have even more success. Really.


Wednesday, February 25, 2004

More @#$%! rain. It is necessary to sustain life but why can't it happen at night?

The neighborhood squirrels are being goofy. A neighbor three houses down from us puts corn on the cob on feeders for the squirrels. The squirrels don't like to eat the corn on the cob on the feeder. Instead the squirrels remove the corn cob and drag it to our front yard and then munch on it. There is a corn cob in the middle of our front yard. It will probably remain uneaten for a while since it is raining. I should move it for aesthetic reasons but then again it does provide nourishment for animals. The corn cobs do get eaten and disappear eventually.

Maybe we should put up a sign with the following disclaimer: We are not litterers. We do not eat corn on the cob and even if we did we would dispose of the corn cob in the proper manner. Squirrels are responsible for the corn cobs in our yard. We like squirrels so we are not moving the corn cobs until the corn has been eaten or the squirrels dispose of the cobs. We also don't drink Coors. Each house has been issued a trash container by the city. That is where empty packages belong. Not in our yard. Don't force us to hate you.

It took us a while to figure out the corn cob mystery. We expect cans, bottles, wrappers and other debris since we live on a corner, and our neighborhood has a fair number of litterers, but the partially eaten corn cobs had us stumped. Who the heck walks down the street munching on corn on the cob and then throws the cob on the ground? It finally became clear when I noticed a corn cob on the neighbor's feeder.

It is not clear as to why our yard is a more appealing place to eat. I'm sure the squirrels have their reasons.

If you have read this far, you will have noticed that my life is painfully boring. I like to spread pain. God bless the internet.


Monday, February 23, 2004

Sometimes clip art pisses me off. Occassionally I use clip art in my cartoons to save time and increase output (helps me stay on schedule). In the process of converting things to a web format the clip art ends up looking weird. Today's cartoon features an evil goateed mad scientist in a flowery mini dress. The mad scientist speaks with a bad French accent. Just adds to the bizarreness of the gag. That is what I tell myself because I'm too lazy to go back and try to fix it.


I feel compelled to blog but have nothing to write.

Oh @#$%!, I'm becoming one of those people who cannot stand silence! People who insist on talking despite having nothing to say. Silence is not a bad thing. I guess people fear that if their mouth stopped flapping their brain would start working.

They would begin to question everything. But then they would become depressed when they cannot do anything about everything. Some will try but ultimately it will fail. They will insist on continuing to live even though there is nothing to live for.

At this point, somebody will mention Jesus. [Insert message about Jesus providing meaning to life]

I love Jesus. Too bad a lot of his message has been corrupted.

It is Monday, I'm tired, it is cloudy outside and I'm at work and I have to be here too damn early in the morning. I'm not a morning person.

My list of irritating people:
1. People who talk just to make noise.
2. Loud people.
3. Morning people who refuse to keep their cheerfulness to themselves. I respect your preferences; I don't call you at 10:00 pm and cram my cheerfulness down your throat. Respect mine. You do better in the morning. Fine. Now, go away and shut the @#$%! up!
4. My neighbors who like to listen to Tejano music but their best sound system is in their vehicle so they crank up the vehicle sound system and open the doors. I've told these people that there is a similar technology for the house. Tejano music sucks. An unholy combination of polka and country music. You have to be really drunk to enjoy this music.
5. Cell phone drivers. Your trivial conversation is more important than the lives of everyone around you.
6. Jacked up pick up truck owners. They are lower on the list because at least they are performing a service. They are letting all women know that they have a small penis. It saves a lot of disappointment.
7. Owners of boom cars over 21 years of age. Grow the hell up.
8. Most middle aged and older women. Most are quite dull but don't realize it. They have no problem sharing the dullness. How to avoid dull middle aged and older women: join a Unitarian-Universalist church. Seriously.
9. Me. I made this list, that should tell you something. I'm an introvert. We will be next on John Ashcroft's list of enemies. It is un-American not to enjoy the constant company of other people and the endless chatter.


Saturday, February 21, 2004

This week I ran 7.81 miles.

It was a beautiful day today. I bought the paperback, The Way of the Weasel. Scott Adams should have titled it, The Tao of the Weasel. It would have sold well among the new age crowd. That title is not as alliterative but the goal is to make money. I used a gift card to purchase the book.

I will be watching Secondhand Lions, tonight. Also rented Terminator 3 and Cowboy Bebop, the movie.

Nothing has fallen apart, now that I am officially 35. I did have some difficulty with my run today but that may have had something to do with skipping my Saturday run last week and not running at all the week before. I will do better next week. I always do better next week.

For two weeks, I am 2 years older than my sister. That was much cooler when I was a kid.

Harley is outside. Daisy is sleeping on the couch and Rusty is laying on the floor next to me. Rusty stinks. Salvador is in his cage chirping and cracking seeds. I fed him some egg this morning. Salvador is very disturbed by the sight of cracking eggs but does not mind eating scrambled eggs. I don't think he gets the connection. I fed a bird, bird abortion.

Bird flu has been found in south Texas chicken flock. Mad cow, Bird flu and mercury in fish. It all makes vegetarianism more attractive. I hope plants don't aquire some disease dangerous to humans. We would be screwed or at least forced to subsist on Cheetos and Twinkies. Mmmm, Cheetos and Twinkies.


Friday, February 20, 2004

I need to do something about the title of this blog. It is nicely alliterative even though its focus has expanded.

I will be 35 years old tomorrow. The cable company will take the MTV away and TV and movie producers will no longer be interested in appealing to me. I will no longer exist in the eyes of marketers. Oh well.

Something about 5/10 birthdays compels me to take inventory. The UUA still considers me a young adult. There is another reason to become an Unitarian-Universalist.

A partial inventory of trivial things and numbers that have shaped my life:
I've lived in 20 different dwellings. I attended 6 elementary schools, 4 middle schools, 1 high school, 2 community colleges and 1 university. Attended 5 churches regularly.

I've earned a degree from the university. I've made honor roll twice in High School and made Dean's List once at the university.

5 relatives are no longer living. 4 grandparents and 1 aunt.

There have been 7 family pets:4 cats, 3 dogs. I've owned 6 pets: 1 bird, 1 fish, 4 dogs. 3 of the dogs and the bird are still alive.

I've been married for almost 10 years. I've had my current job for almost 8 years. I've been in the workforce since 1987. I've worked for McDonalds and Burger King. I've been employed by 14 different organizations.

I attempted to learn two foreign languages: Japanese and Spanish. I've been to one foreign country, The Bahamas.

I have played the clarinet and tenor saxophone. Neither very well.

I have flown on airplanes, rode horses, rode on the Goodyear Blimp and traveled on a cruise ship. The largest fish I've ever caught weighed 6 pounds. I've spoken in front of an audience 6 times.

My tonsils are gone and my tubes are tied but I still have my appendix. I had my first cavity filled this year. I've never had stiches nor a broken bone. I've had a nose bleed once.

I've bench pressed 75 pounds, curled 50 pounds, leg pressed 200 pounds and ran in a marathon. Not in the same day.

I've read the Bible, Huckleberry Finn and the Grapes of Wrath, twice. I tried to read James Joyce, Joseph Conrad and William Faulkner. My attempts failed. I've read 3 James Michener novels, the Hitchhikers series, the Lord of the Rings, Gone With the Wind and the Dune series written by Frank Herbert. Currently reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead.

I own over 100 comic books and Hot Wheels. I don't own a hair dryer, curlers, coffee maker, tea kettle nor a Dutch oven. I own one pair of pumps - black. I've dyed my hair twice and had it permed once.

I've seen all the Star Trek and Star Wars movies. I've never seen a Best Picture Academy Award winner in a movie theater. I've drawn over 750 cartoons. I've watched over 750 cartoons.

Kansas City is the farthest north I've ever travelled.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

I gave blood today. My 13th pint. Blood pressure 118/70.

I got a t-shirt, Mardi Gras beads (I didn't have to show my tits), a birthday pin and a mousepad. I needed a new mouspad.

My latest issue of Bird Talk arrived. It is the 2nd annual baby bird issue. It included a photo contest of baby birds. I love Salvador and I love birds but baby birds are ugly. The hatchings anyway. They are not so cute until they get some feathers. Parrots are not like chickens. Parrots are not cute fuzzy things when they hatch.

The most important command your bird should know is "Step Up" The second most important command is "Shut the hell up already!"

Two days until 35.


Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Yesterday, Harley has so much slobber on his face that he looked like he had been in a porn movie.

The dogs are enjoying the pleasant weather. Yesterday evening, all the neighborhood kids were out playing in the streets. The kids did not move quickly to get out of the way of traffic. I think the dogs were barking to cheer on the cars.

My cough is sounding better, only because I've been practicing (ba-da-bump).

Last time I checked, there are 50 states in the United States. Why is John Kerry being annointed the Democratic Party nominee when less than half of the states have held primaries or caucuses? So much for the democratic process. I hope there is a backlash against this annointing and Kerry and the media receive the bitch-slap that they richly deserve for being so arrogant and so sure about the nominee so soon in the process. I think Edwards can pull off an upset.

I've been supporting Howard Dean. We'll see what happens. A lot of analysts have been wondering what happened to Dean's campaign. My theory: Dean represents a real chance for change in Washington. A lot of people are afraid of real change and neither major political party wants real change. There is a lot of lip service given to change but nothing really happens unless it is violent or too loud to ignore. Getting the level of attention needed to make a genuine change is too much effort for the average American.

Can Kerry beat Bush? Probably not. The Bush camp only has to trot out two words, "Massachusetts Liberal", to demonize Kerry. The first George Bush did that successfully against Dukakis.

Those of you residing outside of the U.S. might be asking yourselves, "Are Americans are that stupid to fall for that tactic?" The answer, regretfully, is yes.

Those of you residing in the U.S. might be asking yourselves, "If she thinks so many of us are stupid, why doesn't she go to another country?" I love living in the United States. Besides other countries probably have the same proportion of idiots as the U.S. I only have daily contact with the idiots in the U.S. and the idiots seem to wield too much power and influence. I don't often hear about idiots populating other countries.

Despite our flaws, the United States is a great country to live in. We can be loud, obnoxius, a bit too proud of our ignorance, consume too much, but when there is a need we are among the most generous people in the world. Our diversity is striking and our natural landscape is amazing. As you can see in the entry below, I've barely scratched the surface of this country. Hell, I've haven't visted the whole state that I live in.

The U.S. is full of ignorant assholes but they are familiar ignorant assholes.

Monday, February 16, 2004

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

An updated map of states that I have visited. See, I did travel above the Mason-Dixon Line!

Once again the female breast runs amok during a sporting event!

Run for your lives! Fortunately, a seven second delay saved us from the horror of Beyonce's Boobie. I'm so glad the media is concerned about our safety and well being.

While the partially exposed boobie was being shown on CNN, the ticker that runs on the bottom informed us that 2 more soldiers were killed in Iraq by a roadside bomb. Two soldiers sent there for questionable reasons.

The important thing here is that the public was exposed to a partially bare female breast.

That is why John Stewart, a fake journalist, has more respect from the American public than real journalists.


Sunday, February 15, 2004

Still hacking up lung. Coughing does a lot for silent group meditation. As a group we are used to a train coming by at least once during the meditation hour. I'm not a Zen Master or anything. I just bang the gong.

Really, that is the extent of my leadership. I open the church and bang the gong.

There are no altered mind states during meditation. It is just sitting and being. That is hard for a lot of people. I have no problem being silent in an external sense but my mind can be quite noisy. That is the part that requires discipline. There is a reason is called practice.

The question that comes up in my mind a lot is, "Does the Dalai Lama fart?" Actually does he fart while in meditation? I haven't had that experience yet. I've had some close calls. It would just be interesting to find out how one of our living holy people handles the extreme earthiness of farting. Jesus probably farted and laughed about it. The Dalai Lama would probably laugh too.

The dogs got to enjoy some sunshine today. It was cloudy for 5 days in a row.

Salvador is standing on my shoulder shrieking in my ear. He does not understand that I cannot stroke his head and type at the same time. He was whistling some show tunes earlier today. The preening, the show tunes, the cattiness, I don't know.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

I'm spending Valentine's Day hacking up my lungs! Oh joy.

There are plans for a romantic evening. I'll take some cough syrup beforehand.

I'm down to 165.5 pounds. According to most BMI calculators that is my ideal weight. I'm pleased. About 5 years ago I was 215 pounds. Exercise and portion control. Mostly exercise because I like food.

Some people expect magic things to happen with their lives once the excess weight is off. Nothing magical happens in terms of riches, fulfillment and such. You are just healthier and weigh less. Weight loss won't solve everything but it makes dealing with some things easier. People do treat you better, even though you have not changed much in terms of personality. If you are a fat asshole then losing weight is only going to make you a thin asshole. After losing weight other people will just call you an asshole rather than a fat asshole.

Getting down to a healthier weight is a long term project. You have to start somewhere and stick with it. For some people it is not just the weight it is being able to do things without keeling over. There are some heavy looking people that can run marathons, compete in triathlons and do other mighty physical feats. There are some people who look fat but are very fit. Of course, if you are one of those fat people sitting around on their ass while stuffing your face then you are not one of the fat and fit. The fat and fit are out doing stuff and moving around. Don't use the fat and fit to justify your lifestyle.

Listening to DH run the vacuum cleaner.

Dogs are scared of the vacuum cleaner. Rusty has taken refuge under my desk and the Bassets have taken refuge on the couch.

Today is heartworm preventative day. Everyone gulped down their pills. The nice peanut butter fudge wrapping around the pills helped a lot.

Salvador is preening. Always preening. Sometimes, I think he is a gay man in a bird suit.

Off to cough up another chunk of lung.

Friday, February 13, 2004


Check out this freak show. Be sure to have some mental bleach handy when viewing the "erotica" pictures.

Listening to the Lounge Station on Radio@Netscape Plus.
Current song: You're the Top by Dean Elliot & His Big Band.

Just finished the Order of Service for this Sunday. Why yes, I go to church. A Unitarian-Universalist church.

What is Unitarian-Universalism? It is only the coolest, hippest, swankiest religion around. Whoa, a little too much lounge music. Actually, it is a over 500 year old religion with roots in Christianity that also draws upon the wisdom and traditions of other religions. To find a Unitarian-Universalist church near you vist We call ourselves UUs because Unitarian-Universalist is just too long.

Our churches run a special for Catholics during Lent. Give up Catholicism for Lent and try us for 40 days. If you are not happy with UU after 40 days then you are free to return to Catholicism without any obligation nor condemnation.

Current Song: Stranger in Paradise by Jack Jones.

Current state: Coughing up my lungs between paragraphs.
Dogs: Rusty's breath really stinks, Harley is pissed off at our attempts to trim his toenails, Daisy is sleeping.
Bird: Sleeping quietly in his cage.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Mood: Stuffy but buzzing on Alka-Seltzer Plus Nighttime
Dog Moods: Sleeping, sleeping and sleeping
Feet: Cold
Watch: Timex Ironman Triathlon
Feet: Warming up now that Rusty is laying on them
Bird: screeching
Shirt: Purple with pinstripes
Weather: sucks
Listening to nothing but the whirring of computers.
Poetry: Feh

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Cool! A real dog won the Westminister Kennel Club Dog Show. Way to go, Josh the Newfoundland.

Now is the time to stop giving show poodles those ridiculous haircuts.

I missed seeing the Hound Group. The Bassets did not care and they prefer watching Most Extreme Elimination Challenge anyway. Why don't the Japanese export the drugs they are taking?

Why is television for men much more interesting than television for women? I'll take Spike over Lifetime any day.

Cough, cough

Friday, February 06, 2004


Some woman in Tennessee (a state that I've come close to visiting) is suing Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, MTV, CBS and Viacom over the little bit of nipple. She claims it has caused her embarrassment, pain and suffering. She hopes this becomes a class action suit worth billions of dollars.

I want to sue the woman in Tennessee for causing me embarrassment, a headache and suffering caused by the fact that she lives in the same country and that she is causing even more embarrassment to America. I don't want money. I just want to beat her with a cricket bat for 2 minutes.

I think the United States is the junior high kid of the world community, with the way we act about nudity. It was, at most, 10% of a nipple. Heh, heh, heh, nipple.

What about the children? @#$%! the children! God forbid, a parent has to take time to answer what ever question their child might have had about the moment.

I love America but hate a lot of her residents.

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

I've been to the Bahamas but I did not want to have a map of the world with just two countries in red. In my mind I've been to many other places.