Spam Zen Koans:
wince skateboard
gesticulate catamaran
bib uterus
prepare pair
adeptly prayer
xfit kis melee
Does ur partner growling about ur conduct in the room
bsee cmy truss
news day
It's going to be chaos!
Linda, experience the power of plastic
Linda are you discomfited from high cost in Bryan
ok news
things are going well
Linda, is it time to finish what you started?
What are you waiting for?

I'm temp fostering for the weekend a 5 pound ball of energy named Bo. You can read about him at http://www.woodstocktexas.org

The dog's loyalty to humanity is quite amazing, even after the treatment some dogs receive.

Three random Blog Things:

You Are 50% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Are 25% Addicted to Blogthings

Okay, so you know how to take and post a Blogthing. But you're no addict. (Hey, this quiz *proves* it!) For you, Blogthings is more of a healthy habit. At least, that's what you tell yourself!

How Addicted To Blogthings Are You?

Yesterday, recurring references occurred. This was about the nuking of an American city.

I read this article: http://www.ken-welch.com/ sent to me via an e-mail newsletter. The author uses the dubious technique of "Reverse Speech" as the basis for his assertations. I don't believe that Houston will get nuked on Easter weekend. The writer admits that he was not predicting anything. In fact, since the story was published and thousands have read it, the dark forces in our government will go to "Plan B". Clever way of avoiding verification.

The other reference was from a different newsletter that simply describes what might happen to the US economy in case one city was hit by a small nuclear device.

This kind of recurring reference happens all the time with trivial stuff. Scott Adams theorized that the cause of it is a form of observer bias. The first reference causes the mind to focus on the thing being referenced therefore you become more aware when it is referenced again.

I would like to test that theory.

Linda Lavin, a singer and actress. Her claim to fame is playing the title role in the TV sitcom, "Alice." The show was cancelled in the late 1980's so there really is no reason for her name to come up. I will call this the first reference to Linda Lavin. There is a date on this post.

The audience (both of you) participation part of this: Count how many mentions of Linda Lavin occur from today (March 29) to April 5. The mentions can be media or personal conversations. List any Linda Lavin references in the comments.

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I'm trying to read the Canterbury Tales for enjoyment rather than as a school assignment. I studied a part of them in high school. I was assigned The Pardoner's Tale. It was not at all memorable, mostly because the act of analysis sucked the joy out of reading. School in general had a way with sucking the joy out of a lot of things. I enjoy learning but hated school - except college - I liked that. I could have lived without the "socialization" that school is supposed to provide.

If you are in school and get to choose a part of the Canterbury Tales to read and study, pick the Miller's Tale. Assuming that your school is not uptight or dumbed down. Don't let the archaic language hold you back. It is a fun read.

Currently, I'm reading the Reeve's Tale.

I read "Dead Man Walking" over two years ago. That caused me to think about, off and on, what I would choose as a last meal. I could not come up with a definitive answer until recently.

Chili cheese tater tots, Cherry Limeade and a Cherry Chocolate Blizzard. My last meal would be fast food. Yes, I'm an American.

This whole last meal thing lead to other questions. Do the prison officials let the condemned go to the bathroom if necessary?

When I've eaten the food listed above the consequences have been quite explosive. When it hits me, I have to go pretty damn quickly. Drop everything get to the bathroom.

What if that happened to someone on the way to the death chamber? Would he/she be allowed to go?

One answer is that the person being executed committed a crime so heinous that the state decided that they no longer deserved to live and by extension do not deserve the dignity of wearing clean underpants nor be spared from the suffering of holding it in and the distraction.

On the other hand, someone else will have to cleanup the mess when the executed person loses muscle control. That is not justice.

Despite the crimes the person committed, they do deserve some ounce of dignity before being put to death. They did not grant that dignity to their victim(s) but we, the people represented by the state, should not sink as low as the perpetrator. We are supposed to be better. At least, that is what we like to tell ourselves as we avoid questioning the whole process in the first place.

This week I ran 12.42 miles, burned 1,726.9 calories and weigh 162.2 pounds. On Wednesday I ran 5K in 48:40.

My friend got married. It was a nice ceremony and he was smiling through it.

We bought the wedding present at 11:15 am - the wedding was at 2:00 pm. Walter and I got their gift registry from Target. We found a paper towel holder on the list. We went to the aisle which the holder was supposed to be located. We found one that was the same price and brand as the one on the list. It was big, heavy and stainless steel. It also looked like a sex toy.

This is what we bought:
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-3/qid=1143339047/ref=sr_1_3/601-9723885-7445713?%5Fencoding=UTF8&asin=B0000D8GV5



The stopper bar on the thing is spring loaded to adjust to the size of the paper towel roll.

We took it to the check out and found out that it was not the right one. Too late. So we had a gift reciept printed out and put that in the bag in case our friends want to take it back. We also put a roll of paper towels on the holder to kind of disguise the uh, dildoness?

I'm sure the happy couple will have a nice laugh when they run out of paper towels.

The thing must of have been on sale at the brick and mortar Target.

Google yielded some answers to the question of "How to Walk Like a Woman" 373 answers. Without the quotation marks yielded over 60 million answers.

Links to the more interesting:

http://www.tgtoday.com/makeupandfashion/walking.html - step by step instructions

http://thecodepro.com/yo/article/545/ - the pain of trying to conform

http://www.elandar.com/back/fall99/stories/story_femeninity.html - How drag queens are saving femininity

http://www.users.qwest.net/~wyoffice/sermons/2001/07Oct01.html - A sermon about accepting transgendered people

http://www.bu.edu/com/co201mag/coffeehouse/04/itshowiwalk.htm - An essay about acting

Masey led us to a different problem. It was not the wiring but the condenser motor went bad. That had to be replaced. $370.00.

The fence around the condenser is going back up.

Last night, ate dinner with some friends. It was sort of a bachelor party for the friend getting married this weekend. I enjoyed hanging out with the guys. No strippers unfortunately. This town does not have much a strip club anyway.

Speaking of strippers, check out these old school women: http://www.flickr.com/photos/12846488@N00/

I like this one:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/12846488@N00/105018377/
The owner's description:
This photo came from a collection of over 400 Polaroid photos of strippers trying out for dancing jobs at a So. Cal club. They were taken from the late 1960's thru the early 1970's. I bought the entire collection for $10.

I tried to upload the photo but Blogger's photo upload service is not functioning properly right now.

I love the dress and gloves. Not something I would wear in regular public - maybe a costume or fancy dress party. Or even to the cocktail party I want to host some day. I would have to adopt a different persona for that outfit.

And learn to walk like a woman. Seriously. I've been told by several people throughout my life that I walk like a man. None of the people who felt compelled to mention it offered instruction as to how to walk like a woman. From what I've been able to glean from television shows it involves stacking books on one's head. Hard cover books.

I move one foot and then move the other foot further ahead and repeat until I reach my destination. I do the same thing for running except faster. Found out that I underpronate my feet when running and based on the heel wear on my shoes I do the same thing while walking.

I would not qualify for a grant from the Ministry of Silly Walks.

The comments about my walking technique bothered me when I was a kid but I've outgrown that. A lot of stuff bothered me as a kid. Mostly other people. My encounters with people uncouth enough to mention my method of locomotion have become increasingly rare. I think it has been about 5 years since the last time the subject came up.

Walking like a woman would be a nice skill to possess in case I acquire a full length blue velvet dress or some similar garment. I'll have to see what Google brings me in terms of instruction.

The AC repair technician is scheduled to come tomorrow. I'm taking time off from work to be here for him.

I get to sleep in. Hooray.

I'm taking a brief break from fostering dogs.

Masey got a bit destructive. She chewed through some air conditioning wiring. Luckily, she did not get electrocuted. Anyway, she is in a different foster home. I've called a repair technician and they should be out this week. Fortunately, the weather is quite nice and the AC is not needed.

Except for the chewing, Masey is a great dog. She would be great in a home that could give her a lot of supervison and structured play time.

Mari was promised to a different foster home so I did not get to keep her.

We are going to take this opportunity to make repairs and fill holes in the back yard. Then I will discuss with the foster coordinator the type of dog that would be more suitable for us to foster.

I will volunteer at adoptions for a couple of weeks while I'm not fostering. Not this Saturday, a friend is getting married.

AggieCon 37 is this weekend and I don't care. Not even Peter Mayhew can make me care. I guess I've outgrown it.

This week I ran 13.12 miles, burned 1,699.5 calories and weigh 163.5 pounds.

Wednesday I ran 5K in 49:56

Mari is the cutest, calmest puppy ever.

Today, I experienced a bit of the lifestyle that I want.

Woke up when I was ready to wake up.
Made breakfast.
Read e-mail.
Did some chores.
Went to the gym.
Bought groceries.
Drew cartoon.
Worked on design course.
Made dinner.
Watched a bit of the Daily Show.
Chatted with Dell Customer Support
Installed more software on my computer.
Updated web site.
Going to play Halo with my husband.
Go to bed when I'm tired.

It seems very mundane but what I liked is living at my pace. I especially like waking up according to my own rhythms and not being interrrupted by the alarm clock. Without the clock I wake up around 7:30 am.

It was great this morning when both of us were awake.

I hope to make enough freelance income to quit my job.

This break has helped me focus on my goals. I know what I want, now it is taking the actions necessary to achieve my desires.

I'm temp fostering a 5-month old St. Benard mix. She is 40 pounds. She will be about 80 pounds when full grown. A real sweet calm puppy.

Masey is having a good time with her.

Two of the ads in rotation for Google are Art Clip Mormon (LDSPlanet.com, a site devoted to finding Mormon singles - keyword abuse maybe?) and Get Pregnant Easily (Become-Pregnant.com How to conceive naturally & quickly even if you've "tried everything")

I object to the first one because of the use of irrelevant keywords. A Mormon singles service has nothing to do with clip art. The Mormons that I have encountered would not do this kind of thing. I'm willing to give the benefit of a doubt and assume that a non-Mormon wrote the ad. Don't click on the ad unless you are looking to hook up with a single Mormon. They are generally nice people and very hard working. If you are looking for clip art - check out my links on the right. You will have to scroll. Scroll, baby, scroll!!

The second one is a bit ironic since it appears on the website which is owned by someone who has had her tubes tied. Voluntary sterilization. The sixth anniversary of my non-fertility is coming up soon.

I'm afraid to click on the ad. The whole thing could be a joke. There really is only one way to conceive naturally - ask a married Mormon - they are quite good at it. If you have "tried everything", including old-fashioned unprotected sex, and still don't become pregnant perhaps God, spirit, karma or biology is trying to tell you something. Listen and learn.

Since Google Ads works off of keywords, I will attempt to alter the ads that appear on my site.
Voluntary Sterilization, Tubal Ligation, Vasectomy, Birth Control, Abortion, Adoption, Population Control, Family Planning, Planned Parenthood, Sex Education, Permanent Sterilization, Smurfs, Unicorns, Unitarian-Universalist

I threw Smurfs and Unicorns in there for fun.

My new Dell computer has arrived! I'm typing this entry on it.

I will have a couple of days off, later this week (Spring Break. I get two days. I love working for a state university) to install my programs and figure out how to retrieve my address book.

Tonight, I'm trying to get the essentials installed so that I can update my website.

The picture on the monitor is sweet.

Right now I'm downloading the contents of my website to my hard drive. This will take a while.

The important thing is that my marriage survived sharing a single computer.

The talk in church went well. People got something out of it. The children's story was a hit. Walter added some props and sound effects.

I can move forward for over 5 hours but speaking for more than 15 minutes is difficult. The professionals make it look easy. That is why they are professionals.

This week I ran 11.92 miles, burned 1565.5 calories and weigh 162.2 pounds. Wednesday I ran 5K in 51:19.

Tomorrow, I speak in church. I hope it goes well.

I can learn from constructive criticism. Since the skulls have served their purpose as filler art, I removed them. Now, things are 2% less painful.

I wonder if the dead baby lady learned anything from her SomethingAwful.com experience?

I hope Extermantus Now creators enjoy the traffic. I read it and did not get it. I'm losing my nerdiness.

Damn annoying that they draw better than I do. If all the cartoons that are drawn better than mine were removed from the internet all that would be left would be my cartoon and those damn sprite based web comics.

No such thing as bad publicity, I guess. A Perfect World was Somethingawful.com's Awful Link of the Day for March 8. Tripled my usual amount of visitors. Ipower's servers can handle the traffic.

I spend an hour making some cartoons with clip art in order to buy some time for my drawing and then post the clip art cartoons for about a month while I catch up and then the traffic shows up. Should have been late. Damn, my self-discipline.

My drawings aren't the best and my gags can be lame but is it really awful enough to be on par with dressed up miscarriages, fat people pajama parties, sneezing fetish and church website ratings?

Thanks for the traffic and yes, my plan to destroy the world one cartoon at a time is working.

Bwa-ha.

Dude, I'm gettin' a Dell. It should arrive by the 15th.

My computer is really screwed up. It looks like I'm getting a Dell. For now, I'm sharing a machine with Walter. Our marriage has been through more difficult times. We can weather this storm.

I did not win the Funkimobiles contest.

The Sears Catalog site is being featured on Lonnie's 10-List at PostStar.com. 10 Websites to kill 10 evenings with. Mine is day 5.

Windows 2000 decided to go to hell on one of my drives. Walter took out my hard drive and set it up as a slave drive on his machine and I was able to update the website.

Tomorrow he will attempt to install the operating system on a secondary drive on my computer.

Pray for him please.

This week I ran 12.14 miles, burned 1,626 calories and weigh 161.7 pounds. So far this year I've ran 216.82 miles and burned 24,953.8 calories.

Wednesday: 5K in 52:48

The TV Guide cover for the week of Feb. 15 - Feb. 21, 1969:
To find a cover for the year and week you were born visit: http://online.tvguide.com/games/covergallery/