Drivel that cannot fit in a single panel comic.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

This week I ran 40.69 miles, burned 4,607.7 calories and weigh 163.7 pounds. So far this year I have run 124.28 miles and burned 14,221.8 calories.

Monday - 5 miles, 50:36
Wednesday - 10 miles, 1:56:00
Thursday - 5 miles, 49:20
Sunday - 20 miles, 4:24:30 I don't know why I was so slow today. Normally, I would have finished this in 4 hours. It was a lovely day. Perhaps I was enjoying it a bit.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Walked 11,435 steps.

I ran 5 miles in under 50 minutes.

I went to the College of Engineering's premier of their new recruiting materials. Very impressive. Amazing what can be accomplished with a decent budget, a dedicated staff and a committed dean.

I read an article about family and personal mission statements. What a ridiculous thing to adopt from corporate culture.

What next? Family slogans? The Causey family - Quality is our middle name. Causey: we are better than you, deal with it. BeCausey we can!

Perhaps I can work up a logo.

I had to review a fair number of resumes recently. Most of them did not include an objective but those that did provided for some unintentional comedy. How to say nothing in 15 words or less.

I'm tempted to add this objective statement to my resume:
To earn as much money as possible in exchange for as little work as possible.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Walked 9,619 steps.

Spam subject lines:
Free Pass eyes
Set of employees (Oh Lord, a story problem!)
Regenerate your intimate existence? (Is that anything like an imaginary friend?)
We assure you that we can get you laid
Does it Behoove You to own This Stock? (Nice use of the word, behoove)
Eighteen World antilacrosser unique site with russian chored girls
leave chord

When I have nothing to write, spam comes to the rescue.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Walked 11,053 steps.

I had a very busy day at work with a dental appointment and a 5 mile run splitting the day in half.

I needed to shake up the routine.

The 99 cent double cheeseburger at Wendy's does not come with tomatoes. I asked for tomatoes because the sign at the cash register said that because of Hurricane Katrina tomatoes are only available upon request. I was not charged extra for the two slices of tomatoes. The precious, rare tomato slices.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

This week I ran 21.72 miles and burned 2,573.5 calories.

Monday - 5K, 30:45
Wednesday - 5 miles, 52:22
Thursday - 5K, 30:29
Saturday - 9.5 miles, 1:53:00

Fun spam subject lines:

  • Increase Cum Volume by 500% (Outside of the adult film industry why would anyone want to increase cum volume?)
  • Diachronic Waterproof
  • take a fax (no)
  • Win a few Favorite Things (Why would I want to win raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings, cream colored ponies, crisp apple streudels, doorbells and sleigh bells, schnitzel with noodles, wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings, girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes, and silver white winters that melt into springs?)
  • Hello, I'm Daisy, Your account specialist (Nice to see Donald Duck's girlfriend - life partner(?) has a career. I wish her much success)
  • Sweeter tasting sperm - Studies show it improves the flavor (Who participated in those studies and how much compensation did they receive?)
Here are the full lyrics of the song that is now stuck in my head:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Lyrics courtesy of

Friday, January 20, 2006

Walked 10,144 steps.

I'm going to bed.

Good night.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Walked 8,500 steps.

Yesterday's e-mail was not as frightening as I originally thought. Subject lines can be deceiving.

This week's book:
Position of the Day: Sex Every Day in Every Way
Position of the Day: Sex Every Day in Every Way

Appeared in this cartoon:

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Walked 9,061 steps.

I ate too much pizza.
I don't want to read my e-mail.
I can't think of anything to write.
I had too much to dream last night.

Deep breath.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Walked 8,450 steps.

I enjoyed a day off yesterday but I was confronted with two mundane questions.

  1. Why don't the cash registers in newer stores have a quantity key? The lady ringing up my groceries yesterday must have felt silly scanning a Power Bar 14 times. I asked if she had a quantity key and she replied that her cash register did not have one. The cash registers at Super Wal-Mart do not have quantity keys either.
  2. What is the deal with the huge difference between formal and informal writing? Informal writing does not mean one throws out all rules regarding punctuation.

For your amusement - HATE MAIL

Exhibit 1

Subject Line: your comics

are horrible.

in a perfect world, your site wouldn't exist

FFF FF FFFF FF YOU'RE FIRED-Donald (Berticus) Trump

Clever - integrate the title into the hate mail. The existence of my site only proves that the world is a cruel place.

Exhibit 2
just stop and delete the website, i wish i never saw this, i want my ten
minutes back, u arent funny, i didnt even laugh in my mind when i saw this,
not funnny, stop now, kill urslef, u suck, i want my ten minutes back....
and what the fuck is up with the nose things.. fuck u make me sick

Nope, you are not getting your ten minutes back. I've already used them. I had a great time with your ten minutes. One word: foreplay. I wonder did the ten minutes include the time spent in composing the above missive?

I also got some fan mail.

I appreciate everyone who cares enough to send me a note. Even the ones who hate my cartoons, at least I provoked something in you. I bet the outrages perpetrated by various levels of government do not stir you as much as my little one panel cartoons.

Buy gold. Don't run spell check when reprinting hate mail.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

I don't know what brought this train of thought on. I hate being singled out because it rarely has been a positive experience. Uncomfortable at best - humiliating at worst. I don't know why I'm thinking about these past experiences. Maybe I need to get them out of my head.

What is weird is the loathing I feel toward my younger self. I would love to erase that person from existence but no matter how much I hate her - she is me and I would not be the person I am today if not for her.

There is nothing I can do about the past but sometimes it comes up and it hurts.

Maybe I needed to beat the sh*t out of some people. That was expected of me since I was so much bigger than the others. Yeah right, beat the sh*t out of them and get into further trouble.

I guess no one could wrap their mind around a non-aggressive big kid. It was your job to make them stop.

Yeah, I was a first class dork but you did not have to abet them.

Two of you are dead. You did not have the strength to face your demons. So you killed yourself. Tell me, who is the f*ck*ng pussy now?

I feel better. These thoughts are out for the world to see. They can get lost in the noise.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

This week ran 22.17 miles, burned 2,611.9 calories and weigh 163.8 pounds.

Monday: 5K - 32:53
Wednesday: 5 miles - 50:31
Thursday: 5K - 31:34
Saturday: 10 miles - 1:56:00

Goofy spam names and subject lines:
Improve sperm morphology
No matter what your gaming preference Linda, we're the be (We're number on)
Chit Q. Exist
Jan 2006: Googling, bouncing, landing, phishing (Describes my sex life - TMI!)
Re: orgy (I regard orgies with a bit of revulsion)
As understand he persuasive insinuate delight (Zippy the Pinhead write spam subject lines)
Scandalizes T. Sloane
Fast and easy - the way you like it (Now, this is getting too personal)
As send on futureless baby administrative
gavel interact
destined nonconformist (Almost a T-shirt slogan)
Refinance the Right Way Christian Family Loans (Christians are not impose usury upon other Christians. It's in the New Testament - check it out.)

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Walked 5,020 steps.

Strange spam subject lines:
glaciate innovation (This one has a bumper sticker ring to it. I might use it for my skull series)
Is translate is portrayal
Of fit as marvel dejected
He draw as cinematography route
poke my throat now!!! become

Monday, January 09, 2006

Walked 5,480 steps.

Time to call Dell. I have done everything that tech support has advised and still cannot get online via DSL. The culprit might be a bad NIC card. That part was installed by Dell and therefore part of the warranty. Now, the fun part is to get a body out to the church or be able to take the computer to a body to fix it it.

This is why I don't do fix computers professionally.

I love January at the gym. Seeing all the new faces. Waiting to use equipment. The crowds will thin out by mid-February. I appreciate the January crowd because they subsidize my membership. I commend those that stick with it.

I also like the January crowd because the showers warm up faster in the morning. That is not a major concern for me anymore since I work out in the evening but I did appreciate it when I worked out in the morning.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

This week I ran 39.7 miles, burned 4,428.7 calories and weigh 162.3 pounds.

Monday - 5K: 32:37
Wednesday - 9 miles: 1:41:00
Thursday - 5 miles: 55:00
Saturday - 22 miles: 4:33:00

One of the guys in my running group celebrated 25,000 miles ran.

I'm going to try for 1,000 miles this year. This will be my third attempt. I've been close the past two years with over 900 miles.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Walked 4,636 steps.

This Saturday is the 22 mile training run and the weather is going to be fabulous. Fabulous for running.

I need to register for the marathon.

I need to update the profile picture. It is over a year old. Maybe I'll post a shot of me with my new "butch" haircut.

Yesterday I walked 5,311 steps.

I sacrificed time with my own cartoon in order to take advantage of an opportunity. I felt it was worthwhile and it is a small step toward my goals. I needed to do this immediately. I can make up the productivity lost while pursuing this opportunity.

I received an e-mail from a fan. She wants to do a presentation about my cartoons for a class project and requested some interesting and funny background information about myself.

This brought to mind a thought puzzle I read in college.

Everyone in the world is placed on two lists. One list is interesting people and the other is uninteresting people. Both lists are ranked. Wouldn't being ranked the least interesting person on earth make one interesting?

It would make a decent 1 minute conversation at a cocktail party:
Hi, I'm Tom and I am ranked the most uninteresting person on earth.
How interesting.

Being ranked at the bottom of the uninteresting list would make one interesting enough to make the other list. That would lead to different uninteresting person on earth. I think you can see where this is leading.

I've never been to a cocktail party. I've been to parties where cocktails were served but that was not the primary excuse for the party.

I think that would be a fun to host a cocktail party. A real one like from late 50's to early 60's. Swanky lounge music, everybody dressed up and of course the cocktails. I wonder where I can rent some Danish modern furniture.

Oh look what Google came up with:

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Walked 6,659 steps.

Nothing church related has gone smoothly for me. Still working on the computer. Anyone know how to re-enable a disabled video adapter? I will attempt to follow Dell's online instructions to reset to factory settings.

I tried to print labels for the church newsletter but the online database is not acting right. I found a work around. It will be a bit long but will result in some labels.

It will get better. No need to take it too seriously, it's just church.

Maybe I was going crazy on Tuesday.

Google brought me something good in the mail.

Monday, January 02, 2006

I bought another pedometer. I walked 6,228 steps.

Zicam is a great product. I got my cold Friday morning. Rested Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Went to work today and even ran 5K after work. I felt great. I have a bit of a cough but I always have a cough after a cold.

I did feel a little groggy this morning but that passed quickly.

I've suspected that catalog writers use random words to designate colors. Nothing is red, green or blue; it is ruby, emerald or topaz; or cherry, kale, or berry; or holly, pine or sagebrush. Sometimes other words modify the color - ruby red, grass green or sky blue. Catalog writers tend to get a bit too creative in designating colors but at least there has been some consistency in the designation. Pine is the same color throughout the catalog, as is navy, oak, moss, sky or sagebrush.

Cabela's has given up consistency in color designation and has allowed its catalog writers to run amok with the color designations. Dark mushroom is lighter than mushroom. Steele blue and dark blue are the same color but the steele blue on one page is different from the steele blue on another page.

This is going nowhere. I give up.

I found the color designations in Cabela's catalog a bit bewildering and sort of funny and then assumed that others would find it funny if I shared my bewilderment but then I just realized that I do not have the writing skills to make it funny or at least halfway interesting to read. I apologize for this piss poor attempt at witty observational humor.

Please move on. Nothing funny here.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

This week's book:
1,000 Places to See Before You Die
1,000 Places to See Before You Die

This book made an appearence in this cartoon: