Drivel that cannot fit in a single panel comic.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Local radio sucks.

We have light suck, country suck, Texas country suck, a mix of suck, classic suck, modern rock suck, community suck, public suck, religious suck, Tejano suck and top 40 suck.

The classic suck station removed the local morning deejays for the Walton and Johnson Show. I have the radio on to hear music not chatter. If I wanted to hear talk I would listen to NPR. At least NPR chatter is interesting.

DJs are not funny.
I could go to any elementary school playground and witness a greater display of wit.

Just play the damn songs, tell me what the songs were, read the weather and give me a brief traffic report then shut the @#$%! up and play music. Preferably music that does not suck.

Rock music from the late 1980's does not constitute classic. Stop playing that song from Jet. They have another song out, try playing that.

Call your morning show something besides "The Zoo" Stop cutting off the guitar solo at the end of Prince's "Let's Go Crazy"

DJs are not funny.

Crank Yankers employs professional comedians and actors to make their crank calls. These are funny plus there are puppets. It is lame and stupid when a local DJ tries to make a crank call. Stop it. Just play some music. Preferably something that does not suck.

DJs are not funny.

If I wanted to know about what was on television last night, then I would have watched television last night. Stop trying to pass off material from professionals as your own. I watch a lot of stand up comedy, I can recognize the joke. Stop reading jokes you got from a e-mail joke list. I am subscribed to the same joke lists. The same goes for Weird News. Just play the damn songs. Preferably songs that do not suck.

DJs are not funny.

Limit Led Zepplin to one song a day. Play more Jethro Tull. Don't limit Beatles songs to just 4:00 on Friday. Choose to play Beatles songs that do not suck. There are a lot of them, so I don't understand why the classic suck station insists on playing "Rocky Racoon" exclusively.

DJs are not funny.

Stagger the commercial breaks among the radio stations. 10 radio stations and they have commercial breaks at the same time. I know you have to pay bills but why does everyone have to do it at the same time.

Never put children on the air. Never put children on the air. Never put children on the air. They are not cute and are just as witty as the DJs (who incidently, are not funny) but much less articulate. Never play a request from anyone between the ages of 9 and 17. They have no taste in music. As an adult, I have tried to listen to some of the songs I liked at those ages. I was horrified. My parents had more patience than I gave them credit for. Ratt, Quiet Riot, Poison, Motley Crue, and Twisted Sister (Your gonna burn in hell is a decent song), oh dear god. What was wrong with me?

I also wore parachute pants when I was a child. I acted, thought and dressed as a child. Now that I am an adult I am both amused and horrified by my childish ways. I have tried my best to put them aside.

In small doses, fart jokes are funny. Nobody really outgrows that.

When is that damn final episode of Friends going to air so that Americans can get on with their lives?

DJs are not funny.

I am grateful for the blessings of internet radio. I am able to confine my exposure to suck to my drive time. My tape player is broken. I don't have a CD player in the car. Headphones are illegal.

DJs are not funny.

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