Drivel that cannot fit in a single panel comic.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The King Features feed to is malfunctioning so I go without my Mary Worth fix. Fortunately, things move so slow that I won't miss anything.

I think this should be its own genre: comics about comics that will not go away.

One of the more interesting criticisms I've received about A Perfect World; "makes Cathy Guisewhite look like Oscar Wilde". Some of my cartoons suck but I don't think I make Cathy look that much better.

A guaranteed laugh: a fart joke. Even funnier: a dog fart joke.

In my experience, dogs are not offended by smelly farts. Strange, since they have such a keen sense of smell. Once, I farted in Loki's face and said, "Now, you know what it's like to share a room with you." He lifted up his head for a moment, looked at me and then put his head back down and went back to sleep. I guess he was unimpressed.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Today's funnies were uninspiring. I did wonder about the competence of Dr. Cory's son, the doctor. I'm learning to ignore the folding of space in Mary Worth, the comic strip not the character.

This morning the fog was dense and 39 people did not know how to turn on their fog lights or headlights. 39 stupid people wondering why life treats them so badly.

Monday, February 26, 2007

I don't read the comics on Saturday and Sunday. I do read the Comics Curmudgeon.

This frightening image was brought to my attention via the Curmudgeon. The Sunday Mary Worth as a whole was a bit disturbing but this image of Mary was the first thing. I made an icon of it. Feel free to use it in your Live Journal comments, Blogger profile or some other online forum. I don't have much of an online social life so I won't be using it much. No, I don't have much of an offline social life either. It's an introvert thing

Speaking of Mary Worth, I'm trying to reconstruct the layout of this room from another angle. In order for Dr. Cory's daughter to hold her father's hand she would have to kneel on the mattress while straddling her father's lower legs. Either that, Dr. Cory has a really short bed, which in that case Adrian is straddling her father's lower legs that are hanging off the end of the bed. The whole thing is awkward.

To properly scan a bare ass, one should sit on the scanner like one would sit on a toilet. The only thing this guy is scanning is the back of his thighs. In order to scan the ass from the approach this character is taking he would have to scoot forward and then lean back. The toilet approach would have worked just as well for this panel. The scanner lid would have kept clean enough for the papers

The side approach is the optimal approach for scanning bare breasts. Just common sense, not personal experience.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

This week I walked 29.5 miles/ 66,756 steps.

This week's spam poem:

her vendetta my attica
That of rever
thee Moab by day (he hath commanded him).
To attenuate no precede
on a whalen
On do estate
Of cutting
On lecture
it quite
Of no comparative
in causate do typewrite
her go excuse
But cascade go scatterbrain
days upon the third year I
Righteous man.
At confucianism be portend
Which sellout to riverine
fuck them as much as they can handle
One cherub and an abomination of Kabzeel, and
Is rocket a monomial

Saturday, February 24, 2007

This week I ran 16.3 miles, burned 1995.1 calories and weigh 170.2 pounds.

Tuesday: 4.10 miles in 45:00
Thursday: 4.20 miles in 45:00
Saturday: 8 miles in 1:33:00

Next Sunday is the Armadillo Dash 1/2 Marathon.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Last night, I posted my 1,500th comic. I've drawn over 1,500 comics. I need help.

Holy crap, Stanley! You're about to explode!

At least Harriet is wearing a less dangerous bra.

The characters are named Stanley and Harriet Parker. I had to visit the King Features website to find that bit of information because nobody ever mentions names.

According to my Red Cross Blood Donor card my last blood pressure reading was 104/62, so in doing the math that equals 52/31, so actually I'm a zombie.

Mortimer Creech is a great name. I want to meet someone named Mortimer Creech. Mortimer Creech , it's fun to say. I like the way it feels. Mortimer Creech, Mortimer Creech, Mortimer Creech, Mortimer Creech, Mortimer Creech, Mortimer Creech...

Yes, we can make a difference without interacting with the sick, deformed Asian children.

This comic does demonstrates why I don't like to draw multi-panel comics. As a non-professional cartoonist I have the tendency to worry about little details like where everyone is sitting and try to maintain some continuity from panel to panel or at least make clear something happened off panel that would cause a change in seating arrangement. Apparently, a professional cartoonist does not have worry about such details.

If something happened between the panels of this comic that caused Mary to go from an aisle seat to a window seat then it is the responsibility of the artist to indicate that. An onomatopoeia would be useful. I propose FLURMPH to represent the sound of the space inside an aircraft folding and unfolding thus causing the passenger seating to switch sides. A side effect of the FLURMPH is that everyone loses interest or that they are resigned to the fact that Mary and Jeff are not going to shut the hell up despite the withering stares.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I've reached the age where I'm complimented with the phrase, "You don't look that old." I live in a college town so the age of "You don't look that old" tends to be a bit younger than in other cities.

WTF? Somebody explain this comic. Reading the Old Testament gives one permission to hate? I'm killing brain cells trying to understand this strip. Did Hart just insult a major religion with this strip?

She taking the bait. Don't rush setting the hook, Dr. Cory

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Today is my birthday. I'm 38 years old.

This one is funny because I'm a UU and a Hummer in the church parking lot would have to have bumper stickers explaining all this. I like Bizarro.

If only it were true Lio. The comics in my local paper is a half page.

Lame shriek of fear.

Ha! Mary Worth! The tables have turned. How do you like being a captive audience? By the end of this flight Dr. Cory will be on another plane to Hanoi and you will have bought the ticket. Today Mary Worth discovers forgiveness and redemption. By the end of this trip Mary Worth may become a full fledged human being.

One day I'll get the hang of the laying out picture and text in a blog entry.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I thought the character on the right had grown chest hair.

What is the character on the left eating?

These characters have names but I don't feel like going over to King Features and finding out.

There are women using my quota of words. Stop it. Those are my words!

Just because it is recommended to test your exercise intensity level by talking does not mean you should.

I can experience a long flight from Vietnam without booking a flight. All I need is a screaming baby and someone kicking the back of my seat to complete the experience. Thank you Moy and Giella!

Mary, is that a pang of guilt in the second panel?

I worked "big poopy butt man" sans punctuation into a conversation with my husband. He told me he loved me and then got off the phone.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Whoa! The comics page is loosening up. In another 100 years, if newspapers are still around we might see words like shit and ass. Now, I want to figure out how to work "...big poopy butt man!" into a conversation. That would tax my intellectual resources. The challenging part will be the ellipses. I don't think Victor Borge covered the pronunciation of that bit of punctuation unless it's three period sounds in succession.

Old joke but still funny. It would work better if panels four and five were switched (I'm not counting the title panel). Just my opinion.

Oh, Mary Worth, so old but yet so far behind in human development. Most people understand at a much earlier age that humans are fundamentally the same. Yes, even though the children of Peace Village are deformed and Asian they laugh, play, hope and dream just like the non-deformed, non-Asian children of the United States. This understanding is one of the components of empathy. Empathy is a fundamental component of humanity. Non-evil humanity.

Robotically quoting philosophers does not disguise the evil in your black heart, Mary Worth. You can talk but can you empathize?

Sunday, February 18, 2007

This week's spam subject line poem:

the will bring forth, the rule over the foot. Declare it were
For composite on sheet
was referent go nova
Is he fenugreek
Or carnal go cathedral
in canada at puffball
valley of the Jews, language, which is the captains and more than mine
Even his footy coach, John Vizard, got a guernsey.
Which causation in federate
greatest, of fifty shekels, of a sycomore trees
Or to premonition
Is my marshall
I wesleyan a barnard
Is estuary the cataclysmic
do is deliver
Be do rusty
Be muscle
the north, two mites, kingdoms of families of
Be martingale so hanover
To whom ceased from the skin is therefore was before
An consume

This week I walked 22 miles/ 49,806 steps.

What good is an obsession if you keep it to yourself?

Saturday, February 17, 2007

This week I ran 13.93 miles, burned 1631.7 calories and weigh 171 pounds.

Tuesday: 3.14 miles in 35:00
Wednesday: 1.05 miles in 15:00
Thursday: 3.20 miles in 35:00
Saturday: 6.09 miles in 1:07:30

Friday, February 16, 2007

A week later! How dare you deprive me of the spectacle of Mary Worth sucking the life out of Dr. Jeff! In the artist's defense, given the limited space in today's comic strips it is impossible to fully capture the slow crushing of a soul.

So, Mary, when are you going to mention that you and your Charterstone cronies killed a man via intervention? Will Dr. Jeff have the strength and will to run away when he learns that none of you possess a soul?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Comics disturbing and amusing.

The tree and little man is not the disturbing part, it is the glasses. Who bathes while wearing their glasses?

Funny gag with obscure reference. I like those, especially when I understand the reference.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I'm not attempting to become the next Comics Curmudgeon. He's brilliant, witty and has time to read all the funnies. His wit has added to my enjoyment of the funnies. Thanks to him and rec.arts.comic.strips I read Mary Worth every weekday. I have Mary Worth on my comic page. Mary @#$%*! Worth!

Josh's site is the reason I still suffer through For Better or For Worse. He also saves me from suffering through the other "realistic strips" and just gives me the amusing highlights.

All I'm doing here is just sharing the comics that I read today that disturb me.

I like Randy Glasbergen. I admire his ability to come up a with solid gags every day, year in, year out. His art style is suited for the single panel and the microscopic scale that it is printed in the newspaper. Uses the limits of the medium quite well. I have bought one of his books.

Better Half is a nice safe comic strip until Glasbergen does something weird with the art. For example, drawing his characters face forward or this case, fusing the characters. I know, it's supposed to be a visual metaphor but it literally scared the shit out of me. I'm using the word 'literally' correctly. I read this comic on Chron. com and then a very strong urge to go the bathroom hit me. It was one of those where you doubt if you can make it to the bathroom on time. This may have been the result of the large amounts of Valentine's candy that I had consumed. I blame Glasbergen because it's funnier. I did make it to the bathroom on time.

I'll address the strange triangle shaped growth under the wife's arm in a different post.

I read Mary Worth to remind myself of the banality of evil.

Dr. Jeff is trying to wrest that railing from the hospital bed and beat Mary Worth off with it. Wait, that did not come out quite right. Dr. Jeff, only a wooden stake through the heart can kill Mary Worth. Maybe.

I'm afraid of the world outside the four panels of One Big Happy. According to Ruthie, it does not seem very happy. Maybe it's related to the hearing problem. Ruthie is not receiving all the information so she fills in the blanks with her own imaginings. I did that as a kid but unlike Ruthie, I had parents and other adults in my life who didn't simply shrug it off but recommended and got help for me. But if all of what Ruthie is saying is true then what doctor would want to open a practice in such a train wreck of a town?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Today's funnies

Hagar the Horrible is confusing. Why is Helga in Viking dress while her neighbor is in more modern dress?

Somebody please get Ruthie's hearing checked. The child needs help. Sure the misheard words are charming coming from a child but not so charming from an adolescent or adult. Allowing this to continue will affect Ruthie's future. An ear, throat and nose specialist (an otolaryngologist according to Wikipedia I looked it up to show you that I'm not lazy.) and a speech therapist helped me become the semi-successful adult I am today. Doctors can help Ruthie but only if her parents take her to one.

I'm not sure what medical specialty deals with those who read too much into the comics. Will I need to get a referral from my general practioner?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Hello to everyone who found through the Portal of Evil forums. I'm glad you liked the Sears Catalog. All of you caused a spike in traffic on days with low traffic.

This just in...

My brother-in-law had a book just published through

You can find it here:

This is a story of a group of girls who attend a college of magic in the mountains of Colorado. They have nothing in common but have to become friends to survive the deadly feud between members of a evil family that has their unyielding grip on the world. The girls experience the light and dark sides of sorcery, fighting dark assassins, evil witches, a mighty dragon, and are helped by the friendly school janitor who is biggest mystery of all!

I haven't read the book. I've been asked to help promote it. I'm not an affiliate so I receive no financial benefits from any sales, only benefits of better family relationships.

Please check it out and write a review.

That's an hour glass on the girl's forehead.

Here is John's website:

This week I did not exercise as much as usual. I had a meeting and a party to attend.

I ran 8.84 miles, burned 1,094.5 calories and weigh 170.2 pounds.

Tuesday: 2.17 miles in 25:00
Thursday: 1.29 miles in 25:00
Saturday: 5 miles in 51:50

The Kyle Field Ramp Romp is Feb. 24th. It is a 5K race where the course covers part of the Texas A&M campus and the ramps of Kyle Field. The ramps on both sides of the field. I'm thinking about doing this race just for the challenge of going up and down the ramps. It could be fun.

Friday, February 09, 2007

If I don't write new posts the Robin and accent thing will never make it off the main page.

I drew two cartoons this week. Busy with other things. I can take a short break because I'm 3 weeks ahead.

Right now, I'm waiting for a video to compile and save. Then I have to recompile another video because Windows Movie Maker ate 24 minutes in the middle of the video. Sort of like Nixon's gap.

Lately, I've been hearing that one of the keys to material success is to get up early in the morning. The Mad Money guy claims that the body can be trained to function on 4 hours of sleep a night. The Mad Money guy is rich but he screams a lot on television. I'll take the extra 3-4 hours and pay the price with less wealth and not screaming, on television or elsewhere.

My problem with early risers is that they won't shut up about it. They act as if it is some special virtue and that no one can achieve success unless they are out of bed at 2 hours before the butt crack of dawn. It just take discipline and training, something that, I as a late sleeper does not possess.

I've tried. My dreams are often interrupted in these attempts at early rising. I hit the snooze button on the alarm to finish the dream. I find it difficult to get out of bed after an interrupted dream. I always dream in color and I can read words. I'm told that both of these things are impossible.

I don't stay in bed until noon. I wake up on my own between 7:00 and 8:00 am. I have to be at work at 8:00 am. I have jumped out of bed to make it to 7:00 am training runs but the prospect of a nap later that morning motivated me. Most days I subvert my own natural sleep cycle.

My point is that being an early riser does not make you a better person. No, seriously, shut the fuck up right now. I don't need training, I have plenty of discipline. Stop. Please tattoo the following into your brain:


Annoying, yes; superior, no.

Somebody had to tend the fires overnight. While your early rising ass is stuggling to stay awake at 3:00 pm, I'm revved up and getting things done. No Robert Goulet gremlin in my office.

So I won't learn a new language, gain great wealth nor become a leader of extraordinary magnitude with the extra two hours that I give up for sleep. At least I'll be well rested and less annoying.

Sweet technicolor dreams.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

This week I ran 8.73 miles, burned 1088.3 calories and weigh 169.3 pounds. So far this year I have ran 78.34 miles.

Tuesday: 2.17 miles in 25:00
Thursday: 2.17 miles in 25:00
Saturday: 4 miles in 41:56 (4.39 miles in 46:56 with cool down included)

This year I have walked 100.1 miles/ 229,925 steps.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

You are 96% REAL Texan!!

High five, you're a complete Texan. People from other states should tremble in your presence because they're simply not worthy. Let them bow before you and convey their undying adoration to you while they announce their true desire to be Texan.

How Texan Are You?