I'm still having some difficulty getting out of vacation mode. Last night, I watched too much TV; Mind of Mencia and South Park.

I bought groceries to replace the stuff that went bad in the fridge. The fridge door was open while we were gone.

Walter's gag writing abilities have kicked into high gear. If he keeps this up I may not have to be funny ever again. That won't happen - being funny is a large part of my identity.

Yesterday, Walter went above and beyond for the welfare of an animal. He picked up a cat to take to Woodstock. Walter is very allergic to cats but he transported this cat. The cat will be in a foster home until a permanent home is found.

I'll try my best not to get sucked into another TV show tonight.

May has to end soon.

Last week I ran 7.72 miles, burned 975.6 calories and weigh 165.8 pounds.

Monday (22nd) ran 4.30 miles in 65 minutes
Wednesday ran 5K in 39:23

I'm back. I'll post a new cartoon tonight.

I did nothing yesterday. I picked up Loki, converted an old cartop carrier to a pool for him, watched a movie (In Harm's Way), napped, unloaded the car, vegged in front of the TV.

I caught a few fish and a rock. Kept one fish and the rock. I have an interesting tan line on my feet.

I missed Loki. I'm glad he is back.

Now, to get back into the swing of things.

Unitarians are not weenies. I know a couple of UUs that can whoop some major ass if they were so inclined. Most of us would laugh at this cartoon.

I know it is just a cartoon but I felt the need to point out that Unitarian-Universalism is not some wimpy spirituality. It is difficult to come to your own conclusions about God and/or the reason for existence. Try doing the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do. No reward - earthly nor heavenly. The fun part is worshiping and serving as a community with diverse views.

Do you think a bunch of weenies would declare that everyone has inherent worth and dignity. Everyone - including homosexuals and others that other religions consign to hell. Quite frequently true weenies send threatening letters to my church for our tolerance and non-dogmatic views.

Then there is the being non-offensive bit. If I had a dime for each time someone brought up my religion in reference to a cartoon that I drew that offended them I would be able to purchase a Vault, drinks like a soda, kicks like an energy drink, from the vending machine at work. Apparently to the world a good UU is not allowed to be offensive. A UU is certainly not allowed to mock humans or point out the absurdities of the human condition in a cartoon.

UUs offend because of our tolerance and this UU sometimes offends because of her perceived lack of tolerance.

The real weenies are those who refuse to question and examine their beliefs and try to force the world to fit into their box.

Because the pope, the bible, the koran, the preacher, the president, xenu, said so... The phrase of a true weenie.

-------------------------------
Tomorrow, I go whoop some bass. Or crappie.

Nothing.

Nothing interesting.

Nothing so uninteresting that it becomes interesting.

Nothing.

But it is Wednesday and I cannot let more than three days pass without a post.

I'm going fishing this weekend. Got my license. The bass and crappie of Toledo Bend Lake better watch out because I'm gonna catch them all and then release them. I'll take a picture of the really big fish and then release. You fish are lucky that I really hate filleting.

I read in the Texas Parks and Wildlife handbook the chemical warnings regarding consuming fish from waters in Texas. There is a warning against eating gar from a certain lake because of high levels of mercury. If you are eating gar then potential mercury poisoning is the least of your problems.

Mentally, I'm already on vacation.

This week I ran 13.36 miles, burned 1,808 calories and weigh 166.2 pounds.

Tuesday ran 3.85 miles in 65 minutes
Thursday ran 5K in 40:13
Friday ran 6.09 miles in 65 minutes

I was elected President of the Board of Trustees at church. I feel too young for that sort of title.

Walter helped his niece build a Rube Goldberg device. It worked three times and it did not take all night. I helped some.

Time for me to put Loki to bed.

Here is the url of the video that has one of my cartoons in it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KkPJInrCko

Walter presented me with a necklace with a single pearl pendant.

One of my panels appears in a video. I'll post the link later.

Walter and I went out to dinner last night. We are officially old - the dinner was the whole date rather than a start of a date. Poor Walter had a headache last night.

I took a break from the Spanish language CD to listen to some regular radio. I like to be reminded how much local radio sucks. Spanish language radio stations were interfering with the signals of my radio presets.

[Insert anti-illegal immigrant rant here]

It was annoying.

I need to burn some CDs containing songs that do not suck. I have a long road trip scheduled this Memorial Day weekend.

What is it about Thursday that makes me write so much?

In honor of my 12 years of marriage I offer the following advice on how to have a great marriage.

1. Don't be a psychopath. This is a basic rule for any kind of social success. Too many people forget or simply never learned not to be a psychopath. The term "psychopath" is out of vogue - I think the favored term is antisocial personality disorder or something like that. In lay terms: f*ck*d up *ssh*l*. The irony of this is that the person with the disorder does not realize that they are the ones that are f*ck*d up.
2. Don't marry a psychopath. Highly trained professionals cannot change them, neither can you.
   
3. If you don't want to hear the answer don't ask the question. Does this make my butt look big? Everything makes your butt look big because you have a big butt. He married you anyway.
   
4. If you want something done a certain way then do it yourself. Another option - tell him how to do it and then shut the f*ck up. Don't get bitchy, whiny or angry if it is not done right. If, God forbid, you become a widow whether he folded the towels right or put the dishes up correctly will not matter.
   
5. Oral goes both ways. If he is willing then you should be willing.
6. Wash daily and trim regularly.
   
7. Don't push it in the bedroom. If things go well you two will have years to experiment. Take things at a pace that is comfortable for both. If she is not ready to go deep then let go of her ears. You run shorter distances first before running a marathon.
8. Wait at least 2 years before having children. Do not have children unless both parties want them. Guys, don't just go along - make an informed decision. If you don't want children then let her know. Two options if both parties do not want children: dissolve the marriage or don't have children. Don't force this issue. Too much is at stake. Ladies, don't sabotage the contraception. Guys, if you are serious about not wanting children, get a vasectomy.
9. Laugh. Don't take everything so damn seriously.
   
10. Don't assume. Don't make up motives which may or may not exist.
11. It is nobody's job to "complete" you. It is unfair to the other person. Enhance yes, complete no.
12. Forgive. Exception - abuse - in that case get out.
    
13. Don't let others dictate what is normal for you and your partner. If you never fight - then consider yourself lucky.
14. Put the relationship books and magazine articles down.
    
15. Don't analyze, just enjoy.
16. Let "I love you" be the last thing you say to each other before leaving the house or getting off the phone.
    

The next four days Walter and I celebrate 12 years of wedded bliss. We had a ceremony for friends and family but also got legally married by a Justice of the Peace. The minister for the ceremony was not authorized to marry people in Texas. We did the JP thing three days before the ceremony.

A quick Google search reveals that the traditional gift is silk/linen and the modern gift is pearls.

Why is that ZZ Top song playing in my head?

I woke up this morning with big hair. My hair is big every morning but this morning I decided to let it remain big. Other women spend hundreds of dollars on products and spend a great deal of time trying to get their hair to do what mine does naturally. I just run a comb through my hair a few times and I'm done.

A couple places you can see examples of big hair:
An entire gallery of big hair
http://www.houseofdiabolique.com/archives/hair040702.html
My hair is not that big. Gravity does it work if I let it grow long enough.

Todas: The Blog for Girls
http://www.faq-mac.com/bitacoras/todas/index.php?p=526&more=1&c=1
Big hair of the 1960's

The most famous big hair picture on the web:

A small collection of random thoughts

I'm tired of copying someone's dissertation on Florida manatees. I can add details of the sex lives of Florida manatees to the list of things I know but I wish I did not.

Being available to make copies and do other work is why I get paid the big bucks. I'm making good money for the amount of effort I put forth.

Things are slow at work because it is between semesters. I shredded a bunch of student records. When the records are older than the undergraduates then it is time to get rid of them. We are only supposed to keep them for 5 years.

I have a lot of packing material, empty file folders and empty file cabinet space.

I hate staples. Nobody thinks about the person that has to pull all the staples before shredding the documents. I pulled enough staples to make a single wide mobile home exterior. That is a bit of an exaggeration but I pulled out enough metal to set off a detector if I were to carry all the pulled staples in my pocket.

You think this is boring. I'm yawning as I type this post.

If I had autism everything I do would be a major achievement. I'm one disability from greatness. I'm really grateful for my good health - physical and mental - but sometimes it kind of sucks being solely responsible for my fate and not having an excuse for the state of my life.

I'd rather have the responsibility than the disability. I'm just in a funk about the state of my life. I've reached some plateaus and don't see a way off at the moment.

Sometimes, I want to completely withdraw from the world but still have my needs met. Welfare is not an option. The life of a welfare recipient is not the kind of life I want. Everything is paid for by the taxpayers but the stuff sucks. I guess for some people that is good enough. I understand for others that it is a difficult life to leave behind.

At least I'm on a plateau rather than in a hole.

I took Bailey to the office so that her next foster can pick her up. She just left.

Loki was sad when Bailey left the house. I think he likes having a playmate.

My clip art CD is now available.

I got in a bit late from visiting my mother last night so I did not update the cartoon.

A new cartoon will be posted tonight, along with new clip art and the launch of my clip art CD.

I have on CD over 2,000 eps, tif, psd and jpeg images. All original art.

This week I ran and rowed 15.15 miles, burned 1,776.1 calories and weigh 165.3 pounds.

Tuesday ran 4.09 miles in 65 minutes
Thursday ran 2.58 miles in 35 minutes
Friday rowed 2.48 miles in 20 minutes
Saturday ran 6.00 miles in 65 minutes

I volunteered at adoptions today. Loki got lots of interest and an application. Brodhi got an application, too.

Children should be leashed, muzzled and crated.

Disclaimer: the following does not reflect the official position or opinion of the Unitarian Univeraslist Church of the Brazos Valley. It is only the opinions and thoughts of the blogger.

I attended my last church board meeting as President-Elect. Assuming that the congregation agrees on May 21, I'll be chairing the next board meeting.

It will be an interesting year for the church. We will be looking for a minister. Full-time, if the congregation approves the budget or part-time if the congregation modifies the budget. There are some that would argue that we are doing just fine without a minister. I'll make sure the worship committee identifies those people and tell them to serve on the committee.

If you are an Unitarian - Universalist minister in need of a congregation check out the one in College Station, Texas. We are not a large congregation but we are very kind and forgiving and poised for growth. If you consider yourself in agreement with UU Principles (www.uua.org) and enjoy herding cats check us out (www.brazosuu.org). We are an imperfect institution full of imperfect people who welcome more imperfect people to join us on our quest for truth, spiritual growth and a more just world.

Of course, the minister has to be perfect.

Just kidding. Imperfect is okay.

The weather is pleasant for most of the year. The summers can be brutal but winter lasts for days, sometimes hours, rather than weeks. The spring is the most picturesque season with huge swathes of wildflowers lining the roadways. The political climate leans to the right but the progressive community is making inroads. There are complaints about the political climate but most people work to diversify it rather than just move away. Most folks like living here. Overall, the quality of life here is good.

None of this is official, I'm just reflecting on the future. I get to write a letter that will go in a search packet.

I will be doing a bit more writing than usual in the next year and I won't be able to just walk away when people complain. Some folks expect me to do something.

I will have to call upon organizational skills that I have not used in about a decade.

The next 12 months should be a time of great personal growth and shrinking of available time. I hope I can sustain my enthusiasm for the full 12 months. On too many things I tend to sputter out before reaching the end and the quality of the final result suffers.

If the congregation agrees Walter will be serving on the board as an at-large member. Initially, I was hesitant about that but I think I will appreciate the support. There will be some things that will need to be communicated and agreed upon beforehand. We can deal with that at a board retreat.

I almost overwhelmed myself thinking about the things that need to get done before the June meeting. Calm down, take a deep breath, find the quiet.

-------------------------

My Spanish lessons are taking hold. If I need to count, about 75% of the time, I do so in Spanish. I can count up to 59. I haven't learned the word for 60, yet.

Loki's adoption did not work out. He is back in my home. Jam will be going to a different foster home. The fence jumping is a bit worrisome and we did not want to leave Jam in her kennel for 8 or more hours a day. Hopefully, Jam will go to a foster that can supervise her outside time a bit more closely.

I'm also temp fostering Bailey. You can find a picture of her in an earlier post.

Here's a good picture of Loki:

This postcard from www.postsecret.com really cheered me up. It gave me a bit of hope about the state of my world.

I voted no on the silly amendment.

As the movement to ban all forms of birth control and to define marriage as a union of one man and one woman for the purpose of producing children becomes more vocal I sometimes worry about my own marriage becoming illegal. All the sex in my marriage is nonreproductive.

Fortunately, there is a decent size segment of Fundamentalist Christianity that celebrates sexuality in the context of marriage and that the primary purpose of sex within marriage is not reproduction but rather the mutual pleasure of each partner. God created sex for fun. I heard that in an Evangelical church that I used to go to. I think it is just the Conservative Catholics that have a bug up their ass about nonreproductive sex within marriage.

Allowing homosexuals to marry won't lead to allowing people to marry anything or anyone. Women getting the right to vote did not lead to hamsters getting the vote. Bill Maher made that observation.

Consider all the Trekkies that fall in love and get married. If you go to a Star Trek convention or any science fiction convention you will quickly conclude that love works in mysterious ways and that we should not be putting stuff in the constitution - state or U.S. - about it.

My truthful resume.

Objective: To get as much money as possible in exchange for as little effort possible.

Education: I got a degree but not the one you want. It has been over 10 years since I received this degree. Does it still matter?

Work experience:
I have done just about everything. Cleaning, yard work, cooking (the jobs Americans refuse to do - I'm an American and I have done them - I was paid minimum wage), day care worker, food delivery, painting, design, desktop publishing, sign installation, scene building, stage hand, retail clerk, photo lab work, office work, drawing, telemarketing, outside sales.

Skills:
Too many to list. Varying degrees of use.

References:
Hell no. I don't trust anyone to tell the truth about me. I can barely tell the truth about me.

Here is Jam, the amazing fence leaping dog! Isn't she a pretty girl? She is available through http://www.woodstocktexas.org She jumps the fence but does not stray far from the house. She was found this afternoon laying under one of the trees in the front yard.

This week I ran 10.17 miles burned 1,268.6 calories and weigh 165 pounds.
Monday walked 1.31 miles in 35 minutes
Wednesday ran 5K in 42:02
Friday ran 4.77 miles in 65 minutes

I skipped my Saturday run to work on the presentation that I gave in church this morning. The presentation went okay. I should have manually forwarded slides rather than use auto timing. But it is done. Most everyone enjoyed the cartoons. Nobody has threatened to throw me out. I'm never quite satisfied with anything that I do.

I taught the children the meaning of procrastination and a funny response if they are asked what is procrastination and I read them a Grimm Fairy Tale - The King and his Three Lazy Sons.

I did think of some Unitarian - Univerasalist heresy: BOB DYLAN SUCKS!

Let's see if that gets me excommunicated.

Oh, yeah.

It is National Cartoonist Day.

Hug and more importantly give money to your local cartoonist.

I guess I should show a little more excitement:

Happy Cartoonist Day!

Buy me a beer. You can pretend it is for Cinco de Mayo.

I did not go to the gym after work. I was tired. Instead went to Taco Cabana with Walter. Drank a margarita. The margaritas at Taco Cabana are quite strong. I had a nice buzz going before I was half finished.

I skipped the gym and my irrational fear of instantly regaining all of the weight I lost did not happen.

I got a decent night's rest. That probably did more for my health than any time in the gym.

I've written most of my presentation for this Sunday. There is more to say but I cannot come up with the words. I might go into the dangerous world of speaking off the cuff. Hopefully the cartoons will fill in the gaps.

I still haven't decided on a story for all ages - the children's story. The last time I did the children's story, it was a huge hit. I'm trying to avoid the pressure of living up to that performance.

I'm thinking about doing a live drawing. The whole program is about religion and cartoons. So, why not create a cartoon live? Sort of a goofy creation story.

In the beginning was a blank sheet of paper. The creator divided the blank sheet into panel and off panel. I sort of stuck there. I want to draw a funny scene and then let the kids attempt to come up with a punchline.

I find myself in this situation because of my own procrastination. This date was set several months of ago and I could have invited a professional cartoonist to speak. There are two that live nearby. But I let other things distract me and it became too late to extend the invitation and here I am about to bore the hell out of several people this Sunday. Removing the hell out of people is one of the functions of church but this is an Unitarian Universalist church and we don't believe in Hell in the eternal damnation sense.

Fortunately, the congregation as a whole is a forgiving group. This will be the last time that I test the extent of that forgiveness in the pulpit. I will have plenty of time to test the forgiveness if I get voted as Board of Trustees President. I've been the President-Elect for a year.

I'm excited.

I remembered to update! That is an unusually muscular cartoon self-portrait. I've never done it but I think I can toss a Gap sales girl at least 10 feet. I've been working out. I don't have the strength to lift one up by her neck.

I'm getting some rest tonight.

Buenos Noches.

I don't feel like doing anything. It is that 4:45 malaise. Not enough time to start another project but still can't leave.

I'm learning Spanish using some Berlitz CDs I bought at a garage sale. I listen while driving. Yo escucho la CD. Yo escucho la CD de Espanol en mi coche. I'm working on thinking and talking not writing so I'm not sure it any of that is spelled correctly or even grammatically correct. I'm doing this not because I'm particularly interested in communicating with Spanish speaking people but to keep my mind from turning to mush.

Being able to say, "Control your damn children!, Shut the @#$% up and Why are you taking family planning advice from the Pope?" in Spanish would be a great side effect.

Sorry, that was mean. There are millions of Spanish speakers who ignore the Pope.

Hasta luego!

Son las Cinco!

I forgot to update the cartoon.

I sent my information to the church secretary for an upcoming service and marked that off my "to do" list. While doing that I marked off update website from the list as well. As far as I was concerned I updated the website. I placed the memory of doing the update in my mind but the external evidence proves otherwise.

The mind can play weird tricks. Maybe I can trick my reality into following my imagination. I become fairly adept at delusions. Unfortunately, it is not as a marketable skill as I think. At least, not the sort of delusions I conjure.

The point of this cartoon: Based upon the actions of anti-abortion activists they seem to care very little for the actually born. So much energy is expended to stop abortion but so little is used to improve the lives of those that are born.

In this cartoon, the activists prevented the abortion but failed to provide any help or support to the mother or the child.

I wonder if anti-abortion activists really want to end abortion.

The local Coalition for Life is running ads decrying the quality of the condoms that Planned Parenthood passes out and the lack of a doctor at the local clinic - "only an out of town abortionist". The Coalition for Life's solution - shut down Planned Parenthood.

The Coalition for Life does not pass out higher quality condoms, does not operate a clinic where low income women can get exams (Planned Parenthood also offer gynecological exams - for early detection of diseases, like cancer), does not operate an adoption agency, does not operate a day care so that single women can still go to work and school and keep the kid, does not offer any kind of support for someone wishing to keep the baby, does not offer parenting classes, does not offer sex education (other than sex outside of marriage is bad), does not offer disease prevention information, and does not offer any kind of family planning services. The Coalition for Life does not offer anything to prevent the need for an abortion.

What does the Coalition for Life do? Stand outside of the local Planned Parenthood Clinic and protest and pray; Write down the license plate numbers of vehicles coming into the Planned Parenthood and then from that getting the address registered to the license plate and sending a nasty letter to the address. They interfere with the operations of businesses that support Planned Parenthood. Not a simple boycott but activities that interfere with the business such as tying up fax lines with junk faxes. The Coalition for Life is so obnoxious that they have turned off other anti-abortion groups.

The Coalition for Life has not helped a single child or woman. It is this organization that I had in mind when I drew this cartoon.

If you are an anti-abortion activist that actually does the things that the Coalition for Life does not do - this cartoon is not about you. If your pro-life organization really cares about life (the born and unborn) then this cartoon is not about your organization. If your anti-abortion organization provides all kinds of resources and information (other than celibacy) to prevent unplanned pregnancies then this cartoon is not about you.

If you believe that the point of this cartoon is anything other than what I have stated, then you are wrong. Yes, you are wrong. You are wrong - try to cope. Nope, you are still wrong. It's cute but wrong. It's wrong, I tell you, wrong. No, seriously, you are wrong.

I drew the damn cartoon. I know my own thoughts.

I have a new foster dog. Her name is Jam and she is Loki's sister but she looks nothing like a Bull Mastiff.

Pictures will be posted soon.