Drivel that cannot fit in a single panel comic.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Fun site

Pop culture and music explained in graph form

I love graphs.

50 ways to leave your lover

According to Paul Simon, there are 50 ways to leave your lover and it looks like we will see all 50 in Mary Worth. In panel one is Mary using the throw pillow as a shield? Three days since Mary asked Jeff to leave. I thought my family had long goodbyes. Sheesh.

Since Jeff has not left yet, today's Kelrast rating is a 3.

Sonja should be grateful that the law prevents her children from simply killing her.
Last night, I attended my final meeting as a board member. June 1, I become a common member. All my Thursday nights will be free.

I received an earnings statement from my new title. I talked to Walter about the possibility of sharing the difference between my last check and the first check under the new title with the church in celebration. Our church has started a tradition of celebrating birthdays and anniversaries with donations to the church. Two weeks ago, Walter and I gave a check for 14 dollars in celebration of our anniversary. We hope the checks will get bigger in the future. The synagogue from which this idea was taken also celebrate other occasions with donations - occasions such as receiving tenure. This is a big deal in a community with a big ass state university and the UU church has its share of academics. I wanted to make a donation in honor of my title change (not tenure - I'm not faculty) hoping others would follow. I've not told anyone of this idea besides Walter and you folks reading this blog. I received the new earnings statement and the difference is quite large. This is causing me to question my original idea. I'm grateful for the raise and new title and feel a certain amount of pressure to live up to it. It is easy to be generous in theory but practice is causing some anxiety. There are questions about class issues, sensitivity to people in less certain economic situations, and my motives. We are a generous congregation, is it really my place to spur more? I could just state that this is a donation in celebration of a job title I've wanted for a long time and not say anything else. I miss the book of joys and sorrows because some things are worth celebrating but not stating.

I will give but the how (public or private) and how much I will work out later.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Meddling as a spiritual practice

Karen Moy strings us along. Will this take a turn for the interesting or lame? Will Mary realize that she has more than a compulsion? She has an addiction since her need to meddle interferes with other parts of her life. What spiritual void is Mary trying to fill with her meddling?

I think Mary lacks a soul but she does not realize it. She goes through the motions of kindness, compassion and helpfulness to avoid the realization that her existence is hollow.

The Kelrast Scale remains at 0 since this plot could take a turn for the interesting.

Hagsville is full of mean and nasty people but green mean and nasty people. Mean people like clean water just as much as nice people. I like how Olive Oyl's attempted suicide is looked upon as pollution.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Oh no she didn't!

Charterstone should hire this guy for the next pool party.
Oh yes she did! Mary pulls out the "saved your life" card. Mary did not donate body parts or fluid, she got on an airplane and then made some phone calls. Mary don't know anything about saving a life.

Bonus deflected backhand in second panel. Haven't seen this much action in Mary Worth since Dawn slapped Drew.

Today's strip could be the start of an interesting plot. Nobody hears from Mary for weeks. Jeff figures out who the person that Mary kept referring to prior to her disappearance. He finds Rich Amalfi, who explains that his brother Ron has some serious mental issues which were made worse by caring for their mother and her death. Jeff and Rich track down Ron and find that he is holding Mary hostage and "caring for her". Jeff and Rich rescue Mary. Jeff says to Mary, "Now that's saving a life and the effort is worth at least one blow job, you meddling biddy!"

I've invented a scale to measure the difference between the potential interest in a Mary Worth plot and what Karen Moy actually delivers. In honor of Aldo Kelrast, I named the units Kelrasts. If Karen Moy does deliver something similar to what I've described above then the plot would be 0 Kelrasts. If she delivers a lame apology from Jeff and allows Mary to continue her meddling without consequences then the plot would rate 10 Kelrasts. The Kelrast scale can go into negative numbers, especially if the term, 'blow job' appears in a Mary Worth strip, regardless of context - fellatio or landscaping.

Summary of the Kelrast Scale: the lower the number, the more interesting the plot.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

No stupiding

Mary, you don't have a life, just a compulsion to give unsolicited advice. If you had a life you would not spend so much time meddling.
I want one of those signs.

Loki knows all his commands but only does sit.

My new scanner arrived and it needs a new lid to fix an issue with the transparent materials adapter. This is a common problem addressed on the HP website. Here's an idea; don't ship defective products.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Exercise Log: May 19 - 24

This week I ran and biked 15.42 miles, burned 1468.6 calories and weigh 152.9 pounds.

I did not row on Monday and Friday as planned. Other things happened. I did strength training, however.

Tuesday: ran 3.28 miles in 35:00
Wednesday: bike 3.28 miles in 15:00
Thursday: ran 3.29 miles in 35:00
Saturday: ran 5.57 miles in 60:00

Next week's plan:
Monday - strength training and 15 minutes of cycling
Tuesday - 30 minute run
Wednesday - strength training and 10 minutes of rowing
Thursday - 30 minute run
Friday - strength training and 15 minutes of cycling
Saturday - 60 minute run

My current strength training routine for those who are curious or do not want to visit my Spark Page:
Crunches with Twist
Back Extension
Lying Dumbbell Triceps Extensions
Triceps Dips
Dumbbell Squats
Lying Abduction
Wrestler's Bridge

I do everything but the Wrestler's Bridge for 2 sets, 15 reps each. I change routines every 4 weeks. I hold the Wrestler's Bridge for as many deep breaths as I can. I've made it up to 26 breaths.

I also do a brief calisthenics routine in the morning using the Furey Exercise Bible. Furey Exercise Bible is a deck of playing cards with four different exercises represented by a suit. Diamonds are Hindu Push-ups, Hearts - Hindu Squats, Spades - V-ups, and Clubs - Tablemaker.
A 10 of diamonds - do 10 Hindu Push-ups.

A lot of people go through the entire deck for their exercise. I use the deck differently. I do one of each suit. The numbers are shuffled so I don't know how many of one exercise to do until I turn the card over. For the face cards I do 10 of an exercise and for the ace I do 11. I like 21 better than poker. I do this in the morning before breakfast. It hits all the major muscle groups, elevates the heart rate and is very brief - 5 minutes, tops.

You can do this sort of thing with a regular deck of cards.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Describe an accordion without using your hands

The premise of NBA draftees trying to flee the country is fictional but the TSA screeners are really that arbitrary and stupid.

I occasionally run by a church named Frontiers of Faith. The sign describes the church as a five-fold apostlostic ministry. There might be one more word in the description that I'm forgetting - something vaguely theological. I need to post a picture of the sign. The church is on Old Hearne Road in Bryan, Texas. I thought of this church in terms of the definition of frontier illustrated in the above cartoon. I'm curious about the self-description but not curious enough to invest the time listening to the explanation. It does provide a built-in way to explain the church that UU churches lack. Then, "What the ---- is that?" is not always the best conversation starter.
You go Martin! Tea party that muther down, man!
Puppies! Sketched puppies but still puppies! Sleeping puppies!
Damn it, Jeff, wrong approach! Stop referring to Mary's meddling as counseling. Counselors receive some training. Instead of talking to her in terms of your relationship, just tell her that she is unqualified and as a way to satisfy her need to meddle, give her the phone number of a professional you know to pass on to Ron.

Task for the day: attempt to describe an accordion without using your hands. Challenge your friends. It is more difficult than you think. Try it at a party this weekend. Let me know in the comments how you did. I failed.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Mary, we need to talk.

Yes, Mary, we need to talk. Talk about you trying to determine the pace of some one's grieving process. How dare you! The funeral was a few days ago. It's one thing to offer a bit of advice or do an act of kindness but this is way out of your league, Mary. Go sailing and enjoy dinner at the Bum Boat and leave the grief counseling to professionals or just allow Ron to go through the grieving process at his pace. Don't meddle. The grieving process is no place for a meddler. I hope Jeff's intervention is successful.

Bizarro did this gag months ago. It was funnier, made sense and the characters were accurately depicted. Who is the guy in the blue shirt and mustache? Disappointing coming from Mother Goose & Grimm.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

As Always!

Jeff serves Mary a steaming cup of sarcasm. The sarchasm here is about arm's length. Sarchasm*: the comprehension divide between the person dispensing the sarcasm and the recipient of the sarcasm.

*Someone else coined this term.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Muffin Mae Snooze-Alarm

Greg and Mort, stop messing with my head.
Six days! This funeral has gone on for 6 days! Even though people come and go the walls in Santa Royale still rotate. Rotating walls the one constant in the Mary Worth universe.
The hyphenated last name really adds the right touch of surreal. Joe has become used to his sister's insanity and is only concerned about the tree accommodating the fake name.
You're a plugger if you took a low paying job after college or your education was way over-priced. It took me 10 years and I did not land a high paying job after graduation.
Olive Oyl showed her dark side during the spincoal storyline. Olive is either surprised that her dark side is so obvious or confused about the Sea Hag's appalling grammar. It does add a bit of insanity to read it without the contractions.

You are potential, dearie... you are potential!! Maybe Sea Hag plans on changing her career to motivational speaker.

The editor at King Features no longer cares.
Tomorrow, Walter and I celebrate 14 years of marriage. We did the state sanctioned part at the Justice of the Peace on May 16 and held a ceremony on May 21 (our minister did not have the power vested by the state of Texas). I think this is the gypsum anniversary.

My new job title went into effect on the 15th. Yipee!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Lucky Scoundrel

After you die...

After death, you will exist in heaven. Everything and everyone you love will constantly surround you for all of eternity. You lucky scoundrel.

Take this quiz at

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Exercise Log: May 12 - 17

This week I ran and biked 18.47 miles, burned 1564.3 calories and weigh 156.9 pounds.

Monday: biked 3.31 miles in 15:00
Tuesday: ran 3.14 miles in 35:00
Thursday: ran 3.26 miles in 35:00
Friday: biked 3.56 miles in 17:32
Saturday: ran 5.20 miles in 55:00

Friday, May 16, 2008

Odd is not enough

Two comics play with the word, paranormal.

I don't believe in the normal but like to dabble in the paraweird because odd does not cut it.

Watch out Ron, Mary knows the 'five-point-palm-exploding-heart' technique and if you don't stop feeling guilty she will use it.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sucking Lice

I filmed a research seminar today. I film two tomorrow. It's been a busy week.

Because of today's filming I've learned more about sucking lice than I ever wanted to know.

According to the presenter's research, mammal parasites have evolved along with the mammals they feed on and we could learn a lot from this.

Also learned that humans have two species of sucking lice that feed on us while gorillas and chimpanzees only have one. The gorilla lice is related to human crab lice and the chimpanzee lice is related to human head lice.

We can learn a lot about the human past by studying our parasites and why the parasites chose us as hosts.

I itched a lot during this presentation. Interesting presentation but not for the very squeamish.

I have something to talk about during dinner with the in-laws.

Monday, May 12, 2008


I experienced a small bout of "I don't give a damn." Had it since Friday and I think I finally got over it today. I was able to function enough to do important things like visiting family but I just did not give a damn about routine stuff - updating my website, this blog, exercise, drawing and scanning. I let several things slide so now I play catch up. I needed some rest. As to whether or not I earned it - I don't care. Who decides whether or not I deserve a bit of rest or blow off a few little tasks for a day or two anyway?

I bought the elements for sandwich wraps and lunchables and ate my first self-made wrap for lunch today. I even added spinach. Take that South Beach!

On the work front, last week, I answered the question, "Do you need my name and phone number" several times without an ounce of sarcasm.

I warned my fellow church board members that all that repressed sarcasm might leak out during the meeting last week.

I need to vent some more sarcasm before the congregational meeting. There is a proposed policy on the agenda and some anxiety about it has already floated up. Rev. Eric and some of the Board members hopefully dealt with it this past Sunday. I was out of town visiting family so I missed the forum.

After this congregational meeting, Walter and I will become common members. No more titles for either of us.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

What is your battle cry?

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Prowling out of the tarmac, wielding a reflective halberd, cometh Linda Causey! And she gives a cruel scream:

"Hail the blood-letting! I will bend the enemy to my wicked will!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Lunch - 5.6.2008

Central Market Pad Thai. The package:
The reality:
I poured the peanuts. This was quite tasty. I did have a problem with the tails on the shrimp. I know it's an Asian thing but I prefer my shrimp without the tails. I picked up the shrimp and pulled the tails off.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Lunch - Cinco de Mayo

For lunch today, I gave Mother Earth the finger in the form of a South Beach Living Deli Ham & Turkey Wrap Sandwich Kit. Surprisingly it contained no sodium.
The aftermath:
The South Beach kits were bought for Walter but he found the wrap kits to be too messy to eat at his place of work. He works at a kiosk in the mall that does not have a microwave. He either has to brown bag it with food that does not need cooking or eat at the food court. He also eats store brand Lunchables.

I'm thinking about buying a Bento Box for him and purchasing the elements of a Lunchable separately.

The South Beach Wraps were pretty good, so I will just buy the elements separately and prepare lunch the evening before.

I welcome any recipe suggestions for portable meals that do not need heating. Walter hates tuna. He does have a cooler that he carries to work.

OCD in the funnies

Dagwood only wears that to work. His weekend clothes are elsewhere. Are five pairs of the same shoes really necessary? Unless he plans on running an ultra-marathon in that get up and the shoes go up a half size I think one pair of shoes would be sufficient. Given Dagwood's other quirks I guess owning several pairs of the same style of shoes seems comparatively harmless.

I wonder about the extent of Dagwood's work clothing neuroses. Does Dagwood pitch a fit if the Monday shoes are placed under the Tuesday suit?

Dagwood: Blondie, the Wednesday bow tie is on the the Friday shirt!
Blondie: Dagwood, they are all the same.
Dagwood: No, they are not! You just refuse to see the differences! How many times do I have to show you? The Wednesday bow tie is a slightly lighter shade of red. And --- oh no! --- the Thursday pants are with Tuesday jacket! AHHHH!!!!!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder explains so much about Dagwood. The chronic tardiness, sleepiness, and the long baths. Blondie is a saint to be able to live with Dagwood for 75 years.

The History Channel has moved away from all Nazis, all the time. I think everyone has gotten the point about the Nazis - they were evil. That is the point of every Nazi documentary.

Now the History Channel is all dangerous jobs that kind of suck but pay pretty damn well. Deadliest Catch, Axe Men, and Ice Road Truckers. A show about how tough it is to live and work in Alaska will premier soon. Eventually the History Channel will take this to its logical conclusion - a show about the camera operators who film these people doing the dangerous, kind of sucky, well-compensated jobs. Call it Camera Men!

I will expect fair compensation and executive producer credit if this show ever becomes reality. I know a special has been done about camera operators in dangerous places but never an entire show. The whole thing will stretch to infinity until Discovery Networks collapses into itself.

At least I have an idea for a cartoon.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Exercise Log, April 28 - May 3

This week I ran, biked and rowed 19.24 miles, burned 1625.3 calories and weigh 154.3 pounds.

Monday - bike: 3.38 miles in 15:00
Tuesday - run: 3.14 miles in 33:30
Wednesday - row: 1.34 miles in 10:00
Thursday - run: 3.28 miles in 35:00
Friday - bike: 4.31 miles in 20:00
Saturday - run: 3.79 miles in 41:21

Next week's plan:
Monday - strength training and 10 minute row
Tuesday - 30 minute run
Wednesday - strength training and 10 minute bike
Thursday - no training because of meeting
Friday - strength training and 15 minute row
Saturday - 45 minute run

Friday, May 02, 2008

Kang Phed Goong

Today's Lunch: Central Market Spicy Curry Shrimp - Kang Phed Goong. Central Market is HEB's brand of natural and organic foods.

The package:
The reality after microwaving:
More of the reality after being poured onto a plate:
This is a product of Thailand. It was good and spicy. I like Thai food because of the taste and the names sound Klingon.

I've added a Mary Worth watch to track the number of days Mary disappears from her comic. I don't think I can take the Amalfi drama for 32 days. Mary will need back up to meddle in a train wreck of this magnitude.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Sylvia and Baked Ziti

If this were a real t-shirt line, I would have my Christmas shopping finished very early.

Other warning t-shirts:

  • Easily offended
  • Incapable of looking at things from an other's point of view
  • Does not know how to extrapolate facts to other situations
  • Willfully retarded
  • Political and socio-economic views formed by Carlos Mencia
  • Does not retain information
  • Thinks it's unfair that only black people can use the n-word without negative repercussions
  • Pins responsibility for own feelings on you
  • Doesn't really want your opinion even if solicited
  • Only wants what is on the test
  • Won't STFU, ever
Feel free to play along in the comments.

Today's Lunch: HEB Classic Lean Selections Baked Ziti
The package:
The reality:
Reality looks a bit better than package. Canadians can prepare a mean frozen entree. Yay, Canada!