Last night was semi-literate, equipment hog night at the gym.

How hard is it to match the numbers on the dumbbells to the numbers on the rack?

In an environment in which equipment is shared you cannot do immediate transitions to different exercises. Sorry. Yeah, I'm talking about you Ms. hoard the 12.5 pound dumbbells while doing your step ups! I could have done my 12 reps and two other people could have done 12 reps each by the time you switched to the exercise that required the 12.5 pound dumbbells. The most time that you would have to wait between exercises is 30 seconds except when there are dumbbell hogging idiots around. Get a home gym if you want to immediately switch exercises or do body weight calisthenics instead.

Today's comics:

Comics page editors have so much great material to choose from but yet Cathy and Drabble are still in the papers. I want blinky lights on my shoes.

Another cartoonist breaks the fourth wall. The girl's brother is grappling with the implications of what his sister just did.

Get out of my head! Who has been sending this cartoonist my fantasies?

Vera run! A nicer apartment is not worth your soul! You can hang pictures, paint or even wall paper a bit. A few plants can help make your present dwelling habitable. My god, Mary Worth already has her soul sucking face on. Vera, that finger of death can poke straight through your sternum.

Spring Break is over and I'm back at work. I really needed the break. Tuesday before the break I packed my running shoes in my gym bag. I got to the gym and discovered that I had one of each of two different shoes. I ran with the Asics on my left foot and the Nike on my right foot. At least this was better than the time I packed two right shoes.

I love the random fits of insanity that the characters display in Ballard Street. Not everyone's kind of humor but I find it hilarious.

The old needs to make way for the new.

Can Vera afford an apartment at Charterstone? She's probably depressed about the crappy apartment locater service she used. Probably convinced her that the cracked plaster is that "shabby chic" that all the trendy interior designers are talking about.

Send in the clones! With so much brilliance to choose from why is Momma, Cathy, B.C., Wizard of Id, Marvin and Drabble still in the papers? There is no reason for mediocrity on the comics page.

This week I ran 8.79 miles, burned 1056.5 calories and weigh 170.2 pounds.

Tuesday: 2.20 miles in 25:00
Wednesday: 1.09 miles in 15:00
Thursday: 2.23 miles in 25:00
Friday: 1.00 mile in 15:00
Saturday: 2.27 miles in 25:00

I'm trying a centered layout so that my comments match with the comic.
Standing close to the edge of what's allowed in the papers.

Singing is not the only thing Daddy does in the shower.

How can I meddle? Geez, Mary, let the guy answer a question before bombarding him with another. The unseen third panel: Ben responding to Mary's last question, "None of your damned business, you meddling old hag."

Ruthie had gone insane and she knows how to take apart and put back together a toy. Dad is frightened. Will they finally get some help for Ruthie?

Oh dear badly drawn god, I've been on the receiving end of a conversation just like this. It was a small dose of hell.

Nothing particularly interesting in the funnies. Ballard Street made me laugh out loud.

Took Loki to Petco to purchase some dog food and then I got the car washed and the oil changed. Loki's presence made the oil change guy uncomfortable. Loki enjoyed the attention he received from the people in the car wash waiting room. The car looks good. They got most of the dog hair out of the upholstery.

Finally, have some sunshine today. Ground is still soggy so Loki won't be going to the dog park.

I did not update last night because of a thunderstorm. I will do an update after I finish with this blog entry and another update this evening. I have the rest of the week off. I hope to get some things done at my pace.

The worst depiction of God I've ever seen. I thought it was some kind of troll, dwarf, ogre or other mythological character. Thank badly drawn God for captions.

WTF?!? Good badly drawn God, what the hell is going on in this Heathcliff cartoon? Oh badly drawn God, my head is spinning trying to figure this cartoon out. Can I squeeze in one more badly drawn God damn joke into this blog entry? Badly drawn God damn it! This is a bad way to begin a vacation.

First an icon:
Sartre said it better but he was French, not as funny and did not draw cartoons.

The sign in the lower right corner is a great touch. (Please inform the clerk if you are a nitwit. Thank You) My husband's employer should consider posting a sign like that. It would have to be bilingual.

The stories of stupidity does provide my husband with some entertainment and me with cartoon material. It is only funny after the nitwit has left. Dealing with the nitwit can be quite stressful during the encounter.

The second funniest thing behind fart jokes - violent accidental almost killing. My husband can tell which shotgun can cause that much damage to an easy chair.

The Flintstones in modern times.

I've often wondered how one becomes a motivational speaker. I'm not talking about people that have accomplished something in another field then asked to become speakers. I'm talking about people like Anthony Robbins and Brian Tracy. As far as my research has shown neither of these men have achieved success in other fields. They are famous only as motivational speakers/ success gurus. They have achieved success by convincing others that they understand the keys to success and for a price will share the secrets to success. The hard part would be convincing the first person to purchase your material.

Prospect: So you know the keys to success?
Guru: Yes, yes I do!
Prospect: Give me some examples of success that you have achieved using these keys.
Guru: Well, uh, this is my first business and you are my first student but it is all right here in my book, DVDs and Cd's. Everything you need to know in order to succeed.
Prospect: Call me after you have achieved success.

A vulture has to do what a vulture has to do in order to survive.

Clever gag. I wish I thought of it.

I did not update last night. I was tired last night and did not feel like getting out of bed early this morning to update. It takes a couple of days to get the hang of the time change. I have some time off coming. I need it. I've been easily distracted lately.

I would use this excuse if I were a bus driver or better, an ice cream truck driver. Can't get in trouble if the kids don't get ice cream. If the kids don't make it to school, big trouble. I don't think for a minute that they are learning anything other than the stuff on the standardized test but at least they are in one place for a while rather than roaming the streets.

I need to go clothes shopping more often so that I can understand this cartoon. I need to buy some new pants. Too bad the artist did not draw examples of "editor" and "publicist" style pants so that I can determine whether or not this will be one more source of frustration when I shop for pants. My pants needs are simple: two legs, fly on the front, the hem lands at minimum on the top of my feet, pockets, straight legs, waist lands somewhere between my navel and hip bones, machine washable, and not required to purchase accessories, peripherals or shoes just to wear them.

The best daylight savings time cartoon. I'm amazed that Mark Parisi can come up with this brilliant stuff day after day.

Who still owns a little radio without headphones? Maybe that's why the old man is pissed off - some kid using a transistor radio. From the balloon coming out of the radio, the kid must be listening to some form of punk bluegrass. That would make me take up my cane and start cursing at the top of my lungs.

Cartoonists cannot help themselves. The fourth wall demands to be breached occasionally. It's funny most of the time but there are some cartoonists that can still screw it up.

This week I ran 15.27 miles, burned 1721.2 calories and weigh 169.5 pounds.

Sunday: 13.1 miles in 2:23:15
Tuesday: 2.17 miles in 25:00

Today, I hit the garage sales with Walter and volunteered at pet adoptions. I'm temp fostering Pickles. Loki is thrilled. I shot some video of them playing together. I also shot some video at adoptions.

The fun part is editing the video.

I think I'm addicted to YouTube.

It looks Aldo is receiving a platitude laden postmortem fuck you.

Bonus icons:
Icon 1: Every time I meddle, I touch myself!
Icon 2: Now bend over and relax.
My only hope is that Ella is stringing Mary along. Just as Mary is about to release her guilt, Ella channels Aldo and forces Mary to face the inky dark blackness of her soul.

Who am I kidding? This is "Mary Worth". I'll read on Monday and find that the story has moved on or Ella is still dispensing the platitudes.

What has happened to me? Why do I care about this comic strip?

My God, my life is so full of trivial concerns. Better than the bitter struggle for survival. Or is it?

First two bonus icons:

The first one is from F Minus, a usually funny comic strip and the second icon is our old pal Mary Worth trying to show remorse. May have played a role in Aldo's death? Mary, your rejection was the ignition. The smoldering cigarette butt carelessly thrown out the car window that started the forest fire.

Ella, I hate you. You have no authority to grant absolution. Only Mary's own higher truth has the authority.

I can't seem to get the hang of this week. Sunday doesn't count. I find myself easily distracted - usually by shiny moving objects. The time off next week will do me some good.

Mary Worth feels self-reproach over killing a man!? Intuition? Hell, Ella could have just picked up the gossip around the condo complex. Who does Mary think Toby spoke to during her adventure in Vietnam?

I admit I'm not the most qualified to critique another artist's abilities. Looking at a few of my comics makes that abundantly clear. I include Watch Your Head as a contrast to the art in Mary Worth. See, Giella, depth can be portrayed within the limits of two panels without Escheresque spatial contortions.

Look Giella! Look and learn. Call Cory Thomas. Review your art lessons.

Yes, I am jealous that both Giella and Thomas can draw much better than I can.

Call your paper and demand Watch Your Head. Cory Thomas deserves every bit of success he can get.

Another free icon for your enjoyment. How does one pronounce a question mark by itself? I need to find a transcript of the Victor Borge bit that covered this.

Tuesday, so uninspiring.

Happy Birthday, Pam!

Official results from the Armadillo Dash 1/2 Marathon (13.1 miles):
46th out of 66 in age/ sex group (30 - 39 Female)
470th place overall
Chip Time: 2:23:15
Gun Time: 2:23:25.6
Pace: 10:56/M

I guess the sinus congestion did not affect my performance as much as I thought it would. This is the fastest pace that I have maintained in a race. It would be cool to be able to hold that pace for a full marathon. Something to work toward.

This sums up my life. Walter doesn't force me to talk. We can handle silence. Other people feel they need to fill up the empty space and wonder why I don't have the same compulsion. My silence saves my life and keeps my relationships harmonious. Others should try it. Especially, Ann Coulter.


This one made me laugh out loud. Poor Harold's day will only go downhill from there. The second and later affronts of the day can only become funnier, for the audience, not so for Harold.

The kid's sudden doubling of head size disturbed me. Apparently, it's routine based on the father's unfazed expression.

This week's spam poem:

Go atlas be mans
he scale
As poorly
an unused
her monotreme do seldom
And dictionary
I be rhapsody
Go or pornography
part-time job
Or to servile
My whimsy by obsession
He sextants it equilibrium
sparseness
To an councilmen
As go mirfak
in meteoric my inhomogeneous
A redundant go shied
Which upraise the weird
An throaty go non
Be in charge of the bedroom
Is a semblance
In trisyllable or mesoderm
At ether be devious
of carbon
Happy
her be cameroun
Not Monrovia be mail
And to responsible
My reception or preemptor
Be hangable
pester pop
A proxy be Sudanese

I beat my time goal (2:30:00) for the Armadillo Dash (2:23:XX) 1/2 Marathon by 7 minutes, according to the gun time. I was toward the front of the starting crowd so there might be a second or two between gun and chip.

It was a great day for a run. My cold did not affect my performance as much as I thought it would. I'm not sure what consequences I will pay later for running in cold weather and with a cold.

Right now, I'm a little stopped up and I have a sinus headache. My legs are a bit sore. Some Advil should take care of the sore legs and headache. I did have a nice long rest.

Seems a little surreal, running a long race and then coming home and sleeping in my own bed before noon.

About 1,000 runners participated in the races (5K and 1/2 marathon - 13.1 miles). That was 500 more than anticipated by the race directors. It shows that Bryan/College Station can support a long distance race and people want to participate. There were people from Austin and Houston and other parts of Texas running in this race and a few from other states. I hope this event gets bigger and better.

They ran out of medals by the time I crossed the finish line but I did get my shirt. I can get my medal later.

There is a local 10K in April (Run Through the Vines) that I want to participate in. I'm still thinking about an October marathon in Waco.

This week I ran 9.32 miles, burned 1127.3 calories and weigh 169.2 pounds.

Tuesday: 5.05 miles in 55:00
Thursday: 4.27 miles in 55:00

Tomorrow, I will be running in the Armadillo Dash 1/2 Marathon. There will be up to 1,000 runners. Not bad for a first time event. I hope the timing chip pick up goes smoothly.

My sinuses are still a bit stopped up. Mentally, I feel foggy. Running helps clear out some of the fog so I should be able to run tomorrow. I might have to re-evaluate my goal time (2:30:00); not run as fast as I intended.

I plan on resting and drinking lots of fluids today. May take Loki to the dog park. It is such a beautiful day.

Bonus icon. Feel free to use, just save it to your own computer.

I have a damn cold. Mostly sinus congestion. It shouldn't affect my affect my race performance too much this Sunday. I hope to feel much better by then. I'm not using all 8 cylinders right now.

Alice is my role model. I would prefer to use a blunt object rather than hurting my hands because my hands create such wondrous objects of beauty that - hey, the cold medicine kicked in. I wonder if beating an idiot's head would cause their underused neurons to fire? My higher truth knows that beating the willfully ignorant is best for me.

Dick joke! Dick joke on the comics page!

I find drawing hands challenging but I do work it out by using my own hands, visualization or asking someone for help. I can understand how the artist for Flight Deck can screw up the handshake. I do it quite a bit but I correct it when I figure it out or do something different if I can't get something quite right.

Enough with the exclamation points! This conversation is not that exciting! Stop shouting at each other! No, there's no irony! Just a dumb observation!

The irony is that Mary's higher truth is in direct conflict with every sane person's higher truth!

People come to Ella for advice, period! Mary, if you believe that what Ella dispenses is higher truth, then you have a damn shallow, meaningless existence! Go to a church, temple, synagogue, mosque, the woods or someplace far away from Charterstone and Santa Royale to gain some higher truth! Shit, yeah, I'm overusing exclamation points!

!

Another free icon for your use. Ella Byrd, next Dalai Lama or drug dealer? You decide. This icon would have more meaning if your name is Mary.

Only your higher truth REALLY knows what's best for you! Ella needs to switch to decaf. The use of exclamation points indicates she is too excited for sitting around and drinking coffee. Her old lady heart may stop.

IRONY!?! Where the hell is the irony?! My brain is a bit fogged by a virus. Somebody show me the irony. Oog has invented third degree burns not irony. Is this Alanis Morrisette irony? I hope not because I don't like that song. Ironic or not, I don't like that song one bit.

It's not just Ruthie, the whole family is retarded or Dad is into making puns at inappropriate times.



Harriet could benefit from freaky, creepy Hollywood plastic surgery because of her one pointy tit and three eyes.

If that is a marker she is holding in hand then this comic has reached another level of weird. She drew the the picture on the mirror, converses with it and doesn't cast a reflection. No wonder the orange cat/lump/alien is cross-eyed. Harriet is bat-shit insane.

Maybe I need to be turned toward my own higher truth! Only my higher truth REALLY knows what's best for me! Now, I just need to find a dealer.

The King Features feed to Chron.com is malfunctioning so I go without my Mary Worth fix. Fortunately, things move so slow that I won't miss anything.

I think this should be its own genre: comics about comics that will not go away.

One of the more interesting criticisms I've received about A Perfect World; "makes Cathy Guisewhite look like Oscar Wilde". Some of my cartoons suck but I don't think I make Cathy look that much better.

A guaranteed laugh: a fart joke. Even funnier: a dog fart joke.

In my experience, dogs are not offended by smelly farts. Strange, since they have such a keen sense of smell. Once, I farted in Loki's face and said, "Now, you know what it's like to share a room with you." He lifted up his head for a moment, looked at me and then put his head back down and went back to sleep. I guess he was unimpressed.

Today's funnies were uninspiring. I did wonder about the competence of Dr. Cory's son, the doctor. I'm learning to ignore the folding of space in Mary Worth, the comic strip not the character.

This morning the fog was dense and 39 people did not know how to turn on their fog lights or headlights. 39 stupid people wondering why life treats them so badly.

I don't read the comics on Saturday and Sunday. I do read the Comics Curmudgeon.

This frightening image was brought to my attention via the Curmudgeon. The Sunday Mary Worth as a whole was a bit disturbing but this image of Mary was the first thing. I made an icon of it. Feel free to use it in your Live Journal comments, Blogger profile or some other online forum. I don't have much of an online social life so I won't be using it much. No, I don't have much of an offline social life either. It's an introvert thing

Speaking of Mary Worth, I'm trying to reconstruct the layout of this room from another angle. In order for Dr. Cory's daughter to hold her father's hand she would have to kneel on the mattress while straddling her father's lower legs. Either that, Dr. Cory has a really short bed, which in that case Adrian is straddling her father's lower legs that are hanging off the end of the bed. The whole thing is awkward.

To properly scan a bare ass, one should sit on the scanner like one would sit on a toilet. The only thing this guy is scanning is the back of his thighs. In order to scan the ass from the approach this character is taking he would have to scoot forward and then lean back. The toilet approach would have worked just as well for this panel. The scanner lid would have kept clean enough for the papers

The side approach is the optimal approach for scanning bare breasts. Just common sense, not personal experience.

This week I walked 29.5 miles/ 66,756 steps.

This week's spam poem:

her vendetta my attica
That of rever
thee Moab by day (he hath commanded him).
To attenuate no precede
on a whalen
On do estate
Of cutting
On lecture
it quite
Of no comparative
in causate do typewrite
her go excuse
But cascade go scatterbrain
days upon the third year I
Righteous man.
At confucianism be portend
Which sellout to riverine
fuck them as much as they can handle
One cherub and an abomination of Kabzeel, and
Is rocket a monomial
Morning

This week I ran 16.3 miles, burned 1995.1 calories and weigh 170.2 pounds.

Tuesday: 4.10 miles in 45:00
Thursday: 4.20 miles in 45:00
Saturday: 8 miles in 1:33:00

Next Sunday is the Armadillo Dash 1/2 Marathon.