I'm ringing in the New Year with a cold. Thank God for Zicam, Nyquil and Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus.

This week I ran 21.14 miles, burned 2,569.1 calories and weigh 164.3 pounds.

Times:
Monday: 5K in 52:38 (walked this one because of a sore knee)
Wednesday: 5 miles in 53:50
Thursday: 5K in 36:15
Friday: 9 miles in 1:48:00

In 2005 I ran 916.31 miles and burned 110,972.4 calories.

Goofy spam subject lines. Yes, actual subject lines from my deleted items folder:
I beg, save our daughter
your private invitation Boris
Save hard working money (Lazy money can fend for itself)
This one will go crazy on Tuesday (Received this one 5 times. I wish I had the courage or stupidity to actually open these e-mails. I would like to know exactly who or what is going to go crazy on Tuesday so that I can make other plans. It is nice to have a warning about craziness. Too often it just appears unexpectantly.)
emeritus Get the favor with our fashion goods. pitman
Your woman wants a replica
Replica for you
Accept no inferiors. Our accessories are the best in in their field
Or want a hedgehog drub
your private invitation Darius
blutwurst Give the impression of being your greatest ans accessorize with our precious fashion must-haves. clasp
Linda The Comparison Is Eerie
Have you ever noticed (Why yes, I have noticed. I notice a lot)
(((((( CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE WORN )))))) (Wow! I'm a worner!)
decorate avenue
The human pheromone exists, its a fact
Ranger Rick magazine: A roaring good time for kids (That doesn't describe the Ranger Rick magazine I remember)
Is someone on the phone
need a break from the rink as much
Unexampled futility for public 320 pewdom
slugabed doughy
the time fo your life is waiting for you (as seen on Dr phil)
hacienda cloudlet
negationist kerb
Ball C. Dibble
tom Paddy

I have a cold. I ran this morning, anyway.

I'm too wired to sleep and too physically tired to do something productive. I have just enough energy to type.

I can type but I have nothing to say.

I hate this state of being.

Temporary, but it still sucks.

Why do they make the pill packs so difficult to open?

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you come near?

I got a hair cut yesterday. The lady cutting my hair asked me four times if I was sure if I wanted it so short. I told her I would sign papers releasing her from any responsibility. My roots are gray and there was an obvious line and that was bothering me so I asked to have my hair cut at the gray line.

It is short and I have a lot more gray than I thought.

I spent the day reinstalling software on the church computer. Thanks to a boneheaded mistake, I have to open up the computer to correct the mistake. I hope that it works. Then I get to take the computer back and try to reinstall the DSL software. The stupid DSL software will not install if the monitor resolution is too low and since I did not have the monitor drivers I could not change the settings. It makes no sense that the DSL software is concerned about monitor resolution.

I hope God is forgiving and flexible in regards to certain sins. Otherwise, there will be several people who work on computers burning along with murderers, rapists and others. The concept of hell and God giving the same punishment to everyone I cannot accept. Man does not give the death penalty for every offense. I believe in God but not the conception that several ministers preach. It is an insult to God to say that he does things that man does not. God is greater than man.

Judaism says God is too big to name. God is too great for me to understand.

A few days ago I needed a good name for a school for the deaf, so I searched the web for patron saints. Thanks to Google, I hit pay dirt. The Catholics have a patron saint for just about everything. I find Catholicism fascinating - the saints, the rituals, the costumes. I understand why that religion is such a rich mine for comedy. Unitarian-Universalism does allow one to find their own truth and meaning and upholds the inherent worth and dignity of all people but when it comes to comedy, the mine does not yield much. Just some jokes about coffee.

Jokes about silly movements and chants in R.E. do not compare with jokes about scary nuns. UUs do not grow up to become comedians. It takes repressive dogma and stupid creeds and senseless rituals to mold a comedian.

Why does a cardinal upon becoming pope have to change his name? Joseph is a perfectly popey*(?) name. Why did he change it to Benedict? Is there an approved list? What if a cardinal's name is already on the approved list of pope names? Would he have to change it anyway?

There are funny things about Unitarian-Universalism but only to Unitarian-Universalists.

For the love of God, god, goddess, deity, non-deity, spirit, humanity, light, earth, cosmos, universe, wisdom, love, prophets, great teachers, soul and the undefinable thing, can't Unitarian-Universalists agree upon a shorter name for their religion!?!

Unitarian-Universalists agree - now that's funny.

*Trademark - Linda Causey 2005

I have the complete Monty Python's Flying Circus on DVD. Freakonomics arrived in the mail. All I need now is Walter back home and things will be perfect. Walter is taking care of some important business. He will be back soon.

I'm temp fostering a Deerhound mix named Madison. She is a very active dog like Masey. They have been playing together. I'm surprised Masey has not drawn blood with the way that she grabs and tugs Maddy's ears and neck. One can learn a lot about wrestling from observing dogs at play, especially dogs unevenly matched in size.

Maddy snores very loudly.

I'm enjoying my week off.

Time to eat and watch some Monty Python.

This week I ran 21.16 miles, burned 2,570.6 calories and weigh 163.3 pounds.

Times:
Tuesday: 5K - 30:54
Wednesday: 5 miles - 51:06
Thursday: 5K - 29:55
Friday: 9 miles - 1:48:00

I visited the Freescale Austin Marathon website and found this question and answer:

Q: What are Clydesdale and Filly divisions?
A: Clydesdale and filly divisions are based on a runner's weight. To be eligible for the clydesdale division, men must weigh 190lbs. or more. To be eligible for the filly division, women must weigh 140lbs. or more. All runners are placed in the open division at the time of registration. If you would like to be placed in the filly or clydesdale division, you must weigh in at the Expo on race weekend.

140 pounds! Holy crap! That is a low weight. I may have weighed 150 when I reached my full adult height at age 16. White Rock has their weights at 160 (women) - 200 (men). 140!

Granted, 140 pounds is within the "healthy" range for someone of my height (129 - 169 at 69 inches) but the idea of it being the minimum to compete in a "heavy" runner class boggles my mind. I think having the Clydesdale division is a great thing because it encourages people with different body types to participate but setting the mark so low for women, I think, sends a mixed message. I was under the impression that the weights were standard across all marathons with a Clydesdale/ Filly division.

When the picture I have on this blog was taken, I weighed 160 pounds. Yeah, that is what 160 looks like. I weighed 220 pounds when I decided to do something - that was in 1999. I've been in the "healthy" range since Feb. 2004. I've kept records since 2002 - my top weight was 204.3 pounds according to records.

How did I do it? 75% vigorous exercise - 25% controlling food portions. The Body for Life program kicked started things for me. It helped me get strong enough to run 5 miles and that led to me being strong enough to train for a marathon. I'm now training to run my third marathon. I would encourage you to participate a 12 week challenge (Body for Life or Lee Labrada's challenge or one at a local gym). These build a good foundation for a long term commitment to improving one's health. The results advertised on the websites are unusually dramatic but for most people there is an improvement after 12 weeks and more importantly these challenges lead to permanent lifestyle changes. We all have to start somewhere - just start.

I'll check out last year's results and see how many ran in the Filly division. I suspect more than the 29 that ran in the 2004 White Rock. Yeah, I know, I'm complaining about the weight standards but placement looks more impressive in a smaller division. I still qualify for Filly division regardless of the minimum for Austin.

According to my files, I've drawn 1,239 comics. One thousand, two hundred and thirty-nine comics. Most funny, others baffling and a fair number of stinkers but I've never drawn a comic about fruitcake. Not a single comic. It just isn't Christmas without fruitcake gags in the funny pages.

I've never been able to write a fresh variation on fruitcake's long shelf life. I rarely think about fruitcake. It has appeared on my personal radar because of all the comic strips that I read. This made me realize that I've never drawn a fruitcake gag. Thousands of cartoonists have tread a path that I have managed to avoid.

I like fruitcake but if you are deciding on something to send me, I would prefer a greeting card with a heartfelt message, a gift card or cash.

Doing some random Blogger surfing before lunch and thought I would share some of the gems:

Life In Three Hills: http://murray49.blogspot.com/
Includes a misplaced apostrophe in the profile name and writing in third person. This blog is new. It will grow and improve or someone will lose interest.

Something to Chew On: http://somethinktochewon.blogspot.com/ Interesting thoughts on a variety of topics.

Uhm, second time. http://eipipuz.blogspot.com/ Mostly mundane stuff, like my blog. Also has sleep issues. What is with all the Ford Explorer ads on the Google network?

First Priority - English http://wilson-englishacer.blogspot.com/ A Merry Christmas from Singapore. Also a glimpse into the future. Entry date: Thursday, December 22. Date here in my part of the world: Wednesday, December 21.

Masonic Traveler http://masonictraveler.blogspot.com/ Oo, Oo, Freemason fight! Freemason fight!

Finglish! http://finglish.blogspot.com/ A King Kong movie review and some Finnish.

Noble Cat http://noblekitten.blogspot.com/ Kitty pictures! The text is in Spanish but who cares, there are kitty pictures.

Check out Pandora.com. I learned about this from Gutterboy Live, a Live Journal. It is a great tool for streaming music. You type in an artist that you like and Pandora builds a station based on that artist and introduces you to new artists with similar music. You can have multiple stations. So far I have Petula Clark Radio (with Burt Bacharach added), Ray Charles Radio, Willie Nelson Radio (with Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton added) and John Coletrane Radio.

The Willie Nelson Radio station has been most interesting because country is not the only genre that Pandora draws upon in choosing songs to play. I've heard Chris Isaak, Tonic, Train, Kelly Clarkson and other non-country musicians.

Pandora is part of the music genome project so it picks songs based on beats per minute, production qualities and other criteria. There is a rating system so if you do not like something that song will not be heard again. If you like something Pandora finds other songs like it.

Unfortunately, it does not do classical or world music. Only available to U.S. listeners.

Go check it out. I'm going to attempt to build a Ravi Shankar station.

This week I ran 39.9 miles, burned 4,638 calories and weigh 165.3 pounds.

Monday: 5 miles - 52:14
Wednesday: 9 miles - 1:43:39
Thursday: 5 miles - 56:00
Sunday: 20 miles - 4:00:00

Walter gave me a MP3 player for Christmas. I test drove it on my 20 mile run. The beat affects my speed. I sailed through mile 18 because of "Tank!" from the Cowboy BeBop soundtrack. Fortunately, KC and the Sunshine Band's, "Boogie Man" slowed me down enough to avoid a heart attack, then Perry Como's, "Papa Loves Mambo" brought me back to a non-heart-pounding pace.

I have 2.75 miles worth of music on the player. I need to get more. Time to do some conversion.
---------------
Why stop at Christmas? Put the Christ back into Christianity.

I have 5 illustrations in this book. Pages 5, 68, 143, 229, 294. I have my own copy. The squirrel on the cover is a Texas A&M squirrel that is part a study on urban squirrel populations. It is wearing a radio collar. I have no idea what it is chewing on - maybe it is trying to unwrap some candy. Definitely chewing on something man made. There are several squirrels on campus outfitted with these collars.

Robert Gates, the University president, used to be director of the CIA. Some students think that the collared squirrels is President Gates' way of monitoring the student population.

It is a cool thing to add to my list of publications and portfolio.

List of the day:

List what's in your glove compartment.

1. Gloves
2. Proof of Insurance
3. Owner's manual
4. Car repair/ maintenance receipts

I received a family newsletter type Christmas card from my Congressman (Chet Edwards - D). He's a good Congressman but I don't care about his son's sporting activities nor the family trip to Disney World. I only care about what he has done in Congress.

He did not use the phrase Merry Christmas. Doing his part to annoy the Christian right.

I find Christian right getting annoyed at President Bush for the lack of the phrase Merry Christmas on his holiday cards but not so annoyed about the deception or incompentence leading to the Iraq War amusing. It's the trivial shit that Americans truly care about.

Maybe I should send a holiday newsletter to Congressman Edwards. I'm sure he is interested in my activities of the past year.

My face is on fire!

I've been using Nutragena soap to do something about my acne. Apparently the soap works by burning off several layers of skin.

Today's list:

List what's under your kitchen sink:

1. Dishwasher detergent
2. Empty gallon water jug
3. Bucket

That's it.

This week's book:

Land of Nod: Rockabye Book

I bought "List Yourself" in 2002. It is sort of a guided journal. I've written in it sporadically. For fun, I will post some of the more mundane lists from the chapter "Daily Life". The book has other types of lists but those are too personal to share in a public forum.

List all the things you hide when your friends come to visit:

1. Porn
2. The bedrooms
3. Jackets
4. Clutter
5. Vacuum cleaner

A killer app: a device that sends a signal to your computer when you die to erase files that you do not want your loved ones seeing. These files would be stored in a special folder and only those files in that folder would be erased.

Check out this live journal:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/gutterboylive/

Be sure to dowload Wing singing AC/DC's Back in Black. Take your dog out of the room before you play the song.

Masey has squeaky ball issues. She will fetch the ball and play with it very carefully to keep it from squeaking but as soon as it squeaks she runs to her kennel and refuses to come out without a lot of persuasion. I'll have to ask with her previous foster about that.

I ran 19.67 miles and burned 2,423 calories and weigh 164 pounds.

Times from this week and the week before:
11-28: 6.03 miles in 1:05:00
11-29: 6.14 miles in 1:05:00
12-07: 5.4 miles in 55:00
12-08: 5 miles in 50:37
12-10: 8.6 miles in 1:55:00

I ran the 8.6 miles with Masey. She did not get tired at all.

My life and updates will become more sporadic the rest of this month.

I received a complaint about my excessive use of the snooze button. Walter complained. He's the only one that shares the bed with me. That first sentence implies a multitude in my bedroom. He has a valid point but why did he have to make it during one of the snooze cycles? I've decreased the volume on the alarm and will attempt to keep the snoozes down to three.

Why not set the alarm to 5:29 am and not use the snooze button? I cannot offer a logical rebuttal against that idea. The snoozes serve as a transition from sleep to awake. A chance to resolve interrupted dreams. It takes a great deal of motivation to compel me to skip the transition. Work is not sufficient motivation.

When I let my natural rhythms take over, I tend to waken about 7:30 am. Sunrise usually occurs between 7:00 and 7:15 am. Unfortunately, the university wants me at work at 8:00 am, thus I subvert nature. A small price to pay for a job that supports my outside of work habits and allows me to earn money to more than pay for my basic needs.

I know I complain about my sleep a lot but I can also count my blessings. At least I have a bed, a house, a job and a loving spouse. I am grateful.

I look forward to the long winter holiday.

Today, I experienced the one of the joys of non-essentialness. I received a day off from work. Texas A&M closed, except for essential personnel, because of the icy conditions. The level of ice we received may not seem like much to those of you in northern climes but we Texans cannot drive in this kind of weather. 50 accidents in one day. Probably yankees claiming that they can drive in this icy weather since they grew up in northern climates.

I spent the day catching up on some laundry and cleaning and most importantly, sleep.

I hate cold temperatures but the ice encased trees and flowers made for a lovely sight. Several cardinals and doves roosted in the backyard. A lovely sight to behold from inside a warm house.

The final official count from Radio MASH: 4,801 children.

We finished filling orders at 10:35pm on Sunday. Some organizations picked up their toys and they had some last minute children. We hooked them up.

The residents of the Brazos Valley, once again, came through generously.

After working at Radio MASH, I've formulated a strategy for winning the war in Iraq.

Send in the Girl Scouts. I know, sending children into a war zone seems mean-spirited and cruel and according to the comment attached to the previous post, as a Unitarian-Universalist I'm not allowed to display one iota cruelty, not even in a joking way. That is why there are few Unitarian-Universalist jokes that do not involve questions and coffee. Also, that is why there are few Unitarian-Universalists. Who can stand the pressure of being nice, tolerant and open-minded all the time?

Back to my strategy. Send the Girl Scouts to search for insurgents (or whatever the term du jour - I've been out of the loop for 4 days). When Girl Scouts perform a task they do not do so quietly. They don't just talk - they scream. They scream a lot. They scream for a long time. Woe to any insurgent the Girl Scouts actually find. When Girl Scouts complete a task successfully, they scream louder. Insurgents will surrender to Army or Marines to avoid the Girl Scouts. The whole country will be insurgent free inside a week.

It is unlikely the Girl Scouts would find an actual insurgent because of an inability to retain instructions and are easily distracted but what they lack in competence they compensate with enthusiasm. When Girl Scouts are enthusiastic, they scream. To be fair, Boy Scouts suffer from the same inability to retain information and possess the same lack of focus and are just as enthusiastic but they don't scream. That puts Boy Scouts way ahead of Girl Scouts in my book.

-------------
The interesting thing about creative names is that after 13 years of working this toy drive I recognize the names. DaQuandrance is now in middle school and Timothy's two oldest sisters, with bizarre names are now adults but his four other sisters with even more bizarre names are still eligible to receive toys. Thankfully, his family list is shrinking. Some family lists never seem to shrink. Dequarious' family has stuck with one child all these years.

-------------
Why are there lots of classes on how to deal with difficult co-workers but none on fixing difficult co-workers? Would it not be more efficient to send the difficult co-worker to a behavior modification class rather than send the entire office to a class on how to deal with the co-worker?

The current count of children on the Radio MASH list is 4,760. Yesterday orders for over 500 children were filled. Over 300 orders have been picked up and on their way to the intended children.

We hit Big Lots twice. The local Big Lots is going out of business so everything is 20% off. They have a lot of good toys for a low price. We will probably clean them out by the end of the weekend.

First National Bank employees and members of the Bryan Police Department provided some great volunteer assistance.

The soldiers from the Texas Army National Guard are doing great this year. We are short on tents but everyone is handling it well.

Today, we will go for 1,000 orders.

What is Radio MASH?, ask the voices in my head and the 2 people who actually read this blog.

Radio MASH is an 100 hour toy drive benefitting the underprivileged children of the Brazos Valley. MASH stands for Make A Smile Happen. Equicom Radio provides the radio broadcast and serves as a contact point for various organizations to make their toy requests. The Texas Army National Guard provides the tents and military equipment for display. Members of the USS Intangible (Star Trek fan club) prepare the toys for delivery. Volunteers from other organizations provide a lot of help. We also get the occasional volunteer doing community service hours.

During the broadcast donations of new and gently used toys and cash are accepted. Also there is a raffle - proceeds used to buy toys.

Churches, schools, daycares and non-profit agencies are contacted by Equicom to get lists of children in need. Last year, 4,000 children received toys. Radio MASH also provides stuffed animals for the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Club's Jingle Bell Run and chew toys (stuffed animals not suitable to give away to children) for Woodstock Animal Rescue. Other charitable organizations get left overs.

Radio MASH will be running from 10:00 am Thursday until 10:00 am Monday, December 1 - 5 in the Post Oak Mall parking lot under the sign on the corner of Harvey Road and Highway 6 in College Station, Texas. If you are in the area, come by, gawk, donate or volunteer. If you are in the College Station area you can listen to the broadcast on 98.3 (country), 101.9 (light rock), 103.9 (rock) and 1240AM (Spanish).

I have resumed the getting up early experiment. I accomplish a few things with the extra time but I need a nap but can't take one because I have to go to work. I'll do the experiment for one more day then suspend it for Radio MASH.

I work more hours at Radio MASH than I do at my regular job. I love it. The sore muscles, various interpretations of gently used, mass quantity shopping, creative names, disturbing toys, snarky comments about birth control, the full range of Texas weather, leaky tents, flat Coke, good food, laughter, interesting smells, clueless volunteers, loading, unloading, stuffing toys into cars, noisy toys going off at random, thoughts of murdering the person who set off Elmo for the 6,000th time, trolls, stuffed animals, weird books and little boys named Tyler - often addressed by their full name, Tylerputthatdown!

I'm tingling with anticipation.

This week's book:

Too Much Coffee Man's Amusing Musings

There will be no updates on Thursday and Sunday.

This week I ran 23.92 miles, burned 2,883.8 calories and weigh 163.5 pounds.

Monday ran 4 miles in 41:27
Tuesday ran 2.60 miles in 35:00
Wednesday ran 5 miles in 52:47
Friday ran 4.38 miles in 1:05:00
Saturday ran 7 miles in 1:23:22

4 days until Radio MASH.

Goofy spam names:
Wean Diesel
Voluptuary Q. Nautically
Van Damage

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I enjoyed visiting my family and the turkey was good. The Dallas Cowboy game was real tense. Too bad they lost it in overtime.

I bought some spray repellent but after reading the first aid instructions I decided not to use it and will take it back to Petco. Perhaps exchange it for something to spray on the dog to make her smell better. I put a cinder block over the drain and a board to limit access to the air conditioner. Physical barriers rather than chemical barriers will be safer for everyone.

I'm trying to keep a positive outlook about Sunday. Maybe I can watch a football game.

"Bitter End" is not working. Masey still removes the drain cover and she has started chewing on the AC Unit. Time to go to Petco and get the repellent. If that does not work then it is time for beatings (just kidding). It will become time to get a different dog.

I hope she has not done much damage to the AC Unit. Luckily, there was no current running through it.

Masey needs a playmate or something to keep her from getting bored and destroying things. Masey needs a large family.

This whole attempting to get up by 5:30am thing stinks. Sure, it might make me more productive and successful but dammit I need to sleep. Productive, successful and cranky is no way to go through life. I'll try to pick up the habit again after Thanksgiving. Maybe after Christmas. My body clock might get used to it eventually or I will have to settle for less productive, less successful but happy.

I need to unsubscribe to "success" e-mail newsletters. They are causing me to try crazy things like getting up earlier, responding to commercial inquiries, taking a more active hand in my career direction and thinking about my spending more carefully. Next thing I know I'll be investing in real estate using their fool proof method. Or worse, attend a seminar.

I need to start my own "success" newsletter. One that convinces readers that the true path to happiness involves sharing a small portion of their personal wealth with me and that small portion shared with me will provide 10-fold increase in their wealth. Not an original idea - tele-evangelists offer that promise all the time. Not smearing the name of Jesus and honesty about where the money would go (my pockets) distinguishes me from the tele-evangelist. My "success" newsletter would promote the virtues of sleeping in.

Actually the "success" newsletters that I subscribe to contains useful information and ideas between the hyperbolic advertisements and the occasional forays into foil beanie territory. Take what I can use and leave the rest.

I did not check the drain cover this morning to see whether or not Masey removed it. I'll do that this evening.

After work, I think I'll run instead of my usual workout. 30 minutes worth of sprints.

Tomorrow is a short work day. Hooray!

8 days until Radio MASH!

Yesterday I bought some "Bitter End" to help Masey stop chewing on some items in the backyard. I'm not sure how well it is working. Masey grabs the drain cover and then drops it when she realizes how nasty it tastes. I want her to leave the drain cover alone. Maybe she will figure it out. I hope she stays away from the water hose.

Petco also has a spray repellent product. I might try that next to keep her away from parts of the backyard.

I inhaled a bit of "Bitter End" mist while spraying. The taste is very difficult to get out of my mouth.

I also bought some air freshner, Poop Off and corn cob bedding for Salvador.

The getting up earlier experiment failed this morning. Try again tomorrow morning.

This week I ran 31.59 miles, burned 3,676.7 calories and weigh 163.5 pounds.

Monday: 4 miles - 43:26
Wednesday: 7 miles - 1:20:00
Thursday: 4 miles - 42:41
Saturday: 16 miles - 3:19:00

Salvador can fly! He can't fly as well as usual but he can fly.

Tomorrow, I run 16 miles.

A computer does not work like a typewriter.

I had to spruce up a table someone sent me. This person created their version of the table the old-fashioned way. Tabs. Yes, this person actually created the columns by tabbing - the way it was done on a typewriter.

I created an actual table and selectively removed borders to make lines between parts of data. It looks great.

Tabs!

Sheesh!

Masey captured Salvador. Fortunately, none of Sal's bones appear to be broken but he lost most of tail feathers. I did not find any blood feathers. Sal does have a bit of bare flesh on his back side.

I have a small bite wound on my thumb that I received while removing Sal from Masey's mouth. Sal used his beak to maintain a firm grip on Masey's lip. I washed the wound and will keep an eye on it.

I displayed some behavior that I find annoying in others. My bird almost got killed. Walter warned me about this but I did not take it as seriously as I should have. The dog would get used to the bird and ignore it, Sal can fly high away from the dog.

Salvador is very traumatized. Now it has gotten through to me that the bird and the dog cannot be out at the same time - ever. Damn, I can be thick sometimes. Yes, stupid does hurt. I suppose there is some comfort that the infrequency of my stupid acts prevents me from becoming dulled to the pain.

I hope Walter can remove Sal from his shoulder. I needed help removing Sal from my shoulder in order to get dressed this morning. Sal will step on to my finger then on to my shoulder but he would not step on to my finger from the shoulder but he would step on to Walter's finger. He behaved the same way with Walter.

Questions to ponder:
Do I want to continue fostering dogs despite the risk to Salvador?
Do I have the ability to be vigilant about making sure that Sal and a dog are not out at the same time?
Can I give Sal and a foster dog the right amount of attention under these restrictions?
Can I give up doing something I enjoy for the sake of Sal? I have difficulty giving things up.

I had one of the best night's sleep I've ever had in a long time, courtesy of Walter.

I need to print some business cards.

The professional meeting went well and I learned something. I did not flounder at the small talk. Just talked about the job and publications. Secured an article for a newsletter and will exchange an annual report with another department. I look forward to the next meeting.

The temperature has dropped 30 degrees. I love Texas weather.

The 1970's in Europe: http://www.omodern.com/

The site is in a Scandanavian language but fluency in those languages is unnecessary. The pictures speak for themselves.

I slept the whole night! WooHoo! I feel good.

I look forward to attending a "professional" meeting later this afternoon. I'm trying this networking thing to enhance my career and learn a thing or two. The meeting is about de-mystifing I.T. This meeting will also have a "networking" opportunity.

I hate "networking". I dislike the conotation of making connections with people for the sole purpose of career advancement. We all use each other to some extent but to have the idea so up front bothers me. I suppose I could think of it more as mutual aid rather than use.

The idea of interacting with a room full of strangers causes a bit of discomfort. If I don't get a bit uncomfortable, I don't grow and my career gets stuck. Not to mention my life would suck. Not in the grinding poverty - poor health - major disaster sense but more in a very slow soul killing sense. Everything on the outside looks great while the inner self rots.

With luck an extrovert will be in attendence to carry the conversation or at least provide me some direction. I can handle the introductions. I tend to flounder a bit beyond that without something from the other person.

Ok, I admit it. I cannot make small talk.

So many unknowns here.

Jeez, it's just a @#$%! meeting. Relax, learn and enjoy.

Ran 20.97 miles, burned 2,635.3 calories and weigh 164 pounds.

Monday: 4 miles in 43:53
Wednesday: 5 miles in 54:16
Friday: 4 miles in 42:41
Saturday: 7 miles in 1:22:00

This week's book:

Seamonsters & Superheroes, Vol. 1

I ordered a cake for Walter's birthday party. I'll purchase decorations to match the cake when I pick it up tomorrow.

I slept from 11:00 pm to 4:30 am. I looked at the clock and went back to sleep.

I posted a multi-panel cartoon this morning. I would have posted last night but a meeting went a bit long. The extra meeting time was necessary. If nothing else to get some feelings out.

A Veteran's Day rant:

Thank you to all the Veterans.

This rant addresses alleged French rudeness and ingratitude. France's policies sometimes clash with U.S. policies and when they do some pundits use the liberation of France during World War II as a justification for France bashing. Bill O'Reilly and his show is boycotting France over the Iraq War. On The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, O'Reilly used the phrase "we liberated them" to criticize France for not joining the Iraq War.

Bill O'Reilly is in the wrong business. He should sell the secrets of his youthful appearence. If he was part of the "we" that liberated France then he is the most youthful looking and vital octogenerian I've ever seen. The man could make billions and gain the universal love and affection of humanity selling his secrets.

I doubt Bill O'Reilly or any of his staff helped liberate France from Nazi Germany. They are not entitled to any gratitude from the French. Americans under the age of 70 are not entitled to any gratitude from the French people. Only a portion of the French people owe a shrinking portion of the U.S. population a debt of gratitude. The rest of us have no right to take credit or expect gratitude for the brave deeds of our men and women involved in World War II.

Thank you veterans.

Dear France,
I had nothing to do with the liberation of your country from Nazi Germany. If I visit your country I will not expect gratitude. I will expect decent customer service in exchange for money that I spend but no gratitude. I left nothing on the beaches of Normandy.

I slept in two hour increments. Aside from the fitful sleep the getting out of bed earlier experiment is working well. I've kept dirty dishes from accumulating in the sink. After I clear out the clutter in my e-mail inbox I need to clear out the clutter around my desk. Improved housekeeping has been the most positive result of this experiment.

Walter has been cleaning the house in preparation for Saturday's party. The living room is looking good.

The leaves on one of the trees in the backyard have turned a quite spectacular shade of yellow.

Masey chewed the laces off one of my running shoes. She used her teeth to cut the laces; 6 inches on one end and 8 inches off the other. Now I have to get replacements. Salvador now has two new shoe lace ends (aglets for you trivia buffs out there) to chew on. Once he gets over his trepedation regarding new things in his cage he will enjoy chewing up the aglets. Hopefully, the dog slobber smell won't bother him.

I hope these mundane blog entries help someone with their insomnia. Maybe I'll receive good sleep karma points.

The getting up earlier experiment - Day 3

The experiment is successful so far in terms of productivity.

For some reason, I haven't slept through the night this week. I wake up between 3:00 and 4:00 am. My vision apparently is 20/20 at that time. I can see the time on the clock very clearly. I can also do mental arithmetic very quickly. I see the time and note the exact number of minutes until the alarm is set to go off. After all this I shut my eyes and go back to sleep. Clear vision and doing arithmetic in my head are not talents I possess when fully awake. Maybe it is some weird dream state.

I got a back rub this morning! I stayed in bed a bit longer but still made it out before 6:00 am.

I made it to work early!

Masey needs more toys. She spent a great deal of time whining and looking for something to play with.

She scared Salvador this morning. She stuck her head in his room, this caused Sal to try to fly in his cage, this made Sal even more interesting so Masey walked further into Sal's room, this made Sal attempt more in cage flight and scream thus making himself even more interesting to Masey so she came closer and this led to even more agitation on Sal's part. I came in and shooed Masey out and turned on the light and checked for fallen feathers.

Fortunately, he did not lose any flight feathers. Oops, using correct English on the internet! He did not loose any flight feathers. There is no excuse for flaunting the ability to use and retain the education I received. I do not want my fellow Americans to feel bad.

About the school shooting in Tennessee (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9970713/), authorities are seeking a motive. The motive is in the story:

On the school website Principal Gary Seale welcomed students with this statement:
“The next four years will be the best times of your life.”

I would have shot him.

Is it cruelty or senility that causes adults to say that to young people entering high school?

Day 2 of the wake up earlier experiment is more successful than Day 1. I accomplished several mundane tasks this morning and do not need a nap right now. This could be the caffeine and cake talking.

I have a weirdo co-worker that scrapes the pineapple and cherries off pineapple upside down cake. Oh well, more pineapple and cherries for me but why scrape off the stuff that makes it a pineapple upside down cake? After scraping it is just a plain yellow cake. Everyone has their quirks I guess but why does everyone else's quirks seem so much weirder than mine?

Freelance work is starting to come in. Hooray!

I set my alarm for 5:02 am on Saturday so that I can get up and start my Saturday run earlier. I wanted to finish in time to take a shower before a 9:30 am meeting. I arrived late to the meeting but the other people at the meeting appreciated me for taking a shower. Better late than stinking to high heaven.

I decided to keep my alarm set at 5:02 am. I hit the snooze button 3 times but got out of bed earlier. I'm going to try the earlier wake up time for a while and see how it works. I've read that this will increase my productivity and make me feel better.

This morning I did some stretching, cleared out some clutter in my inbox, folded some clothes, washed dishes, took a shower, planned the week's workouts, prepared lunch and ate breakfast and still made it to work on time.

I need a nap.

This week I ran/ cycled 33.4 miles, burned 2,567.4 calories and weigh 164.7 pounds.

Monday cycled 6 miles in 32:39
Wednesday cycled 8 miles in 41:06
Thursday ran 4 miles in 54:14
Saturday ran 14 miles in 2:44:50

If I can keep the same pace that I ran the 14 mile throughout a marathon then I'm on track for a 5 hour race.

Photos: I would have done this sooner but slow uploads and screwy formatting delayed me. I don't know why I'm so picky about the formatting in a blog.

From top to bottom:

1. The flaming chalice pumpkin in its freshly carved glory. Now it sits outside slowly imploding
2. Approaching the finish line at the Woodstock Howl-o-ween 5K.
3. Getting closer. Neither dog nor human is an albino. If I go out during a sunny summer afternoon I burst into flames if I don't use sunscreen.
4. Crossing the finish line in 36:39. That time included a water stop and a potty break (for the dog).
5. Masey, the tail-less wonder dog, and I submit our time.
6. A Newfoundland (Newfie) in a cheerleader outfit.

Masey is available for adoption via www.woodstocktexas.org. You can see her in person at PetCo in College Station, Texas Saturdays from 11:00 am to 5:00 pm. She can run farther than 5K. She is pretty good on a leash but pulled (not too hard) during the race because of the excitement. Without distractions she stays at my side or slightly behind. If you are looking for a somewhat slow running companion (12:00 - 10:00 minute miles), Masey is a great dog.

My knee is fine. I ran slowly today without experiencing any pain. I felt much better after running.

My father-in-law has moved into his own place.

This week's book:

Perfect Planet and Other Stories

Last week I ran 17.13 miles, burned 2206.1 calories and weighed 164.5 pounds. So far this year I have ran 692.39 miles and burned 85,496 calories.

Monday: 3.3 miles in 40:00
Wednesday: 4 miles in 41:12
Friday: 5K in 31:25
Saturday: 3 miles in 36:00 and 5K in 36:39 (Not bad for a bum knee and an excited dog)

It is taking too long to upload pictures. I will try tomorrow.

Cycling on a stationary bike sucks! My ass hurt and I rode for 6 miles and burned under 200 calories. I even changed the resistance. Less than 200 calories! I barely broke a sweat.

I can't wait to start running again.

Because of the nasty weather last night we did not get too many trick or treaters. Consequently, we have a lot of left over candy. The possibility of left over candy factored in our choice of candy. Somebody has got to eat it. I would ship it to some starving children in a third world country but I don't have an address. No, I don't trust Sally Struthers to act as a courier.

I found the the nasty peanut butter things wrapped in black or orange wax paper that old ladies gave out when I was a kid. They were expensive ($5.99 a bag vs $1.99 for the good stuff). The expense prevented me from purchasing a bag. I wanted to give the nasty things out to uncostumed teenagers just trolling for free candy.

Then there is the left over candy dilemma. What would I do with the left over nasty peanut butter things? Nobody in my house would eat them and I certainly would not give them to anyone that I have one ounce of empathy for (about 5.9 billion humans and the animal/ plant population). I'm sure there is someone out there that likes these things and I would gladly give them my left over nasty peanut butter candy but would I want to meet much less interact with such a person?

My flaming chalice jack-o-lantern lasted all night.

I need to post pictures.

I messed up my knee Friday evening. I did not realize the extent of the injury until I attempted to run on Saturday. I ran 3 miles on it at a 12 minute mile. Then I ran in the Woodstock 5K and finished in 36:39.

Masey did okay running the 5K with me. She dragged me some of the time and I dragged her some of the time. That dog does not run out of energy.

My knee still hurts so I will be bike riding this week.

I'll post last week's workout summary later tonight.

Last night I took a sleeping pill and chased it with Chamamoille tea and Rolling Rock Light. I slept well.

I got some great candy to give out to the kids tonight.

I over-cuddled this morning. The country music station that I have set as my alarm starts their broadcast day with a different rendition of "The Star Spangled Banner". It was a female vocalist this morning. I'm usually awakened at the "dawn's early light" and hit the snooze before anyone can get to the "rocket's red glare".

I could not work the snooze button the second time around so I hit off (anything to stop the damn country music) and cuddled with Walter until after 7:00 am.

During that time I had a strange dream. In this dream I had a cold therefore could not go to work but was healthy enough to visit Walter's aunt, cousin and mother. We made it to someone's house and after my eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room I saw that my father and step-mother and my brother and his wife were there. We went to the kitchen and dining room - talked about mundane things and tried various remedies for my cold.

Then robots came and started destroying every man-made object in the house, when they finished the house they moved on to the rest of town. The run off from the destruction caused by the robots flowed toward the town library which had a bell tower. This caused the bell tower to launch like a rocket. The launch led to the destruction of the town. The bell tower rocket landed on top a NASA launch pad merging with the rocket that NASA had on the pad.

The merged rocket took off and landed over the horizon. When it landed it set off a chain reaction of explosions. The series of explosions worked their way toward the launch pad and burned everything - people, buildings, trees. All that was left was skeletons of buildings.

It was not too disturbing because it looked like a cartoon.

The robots dismantled themselves.

I woke up and wondered what is the connection between visiting relatives and robot induced apocalypse?

I hope my subconscious was successful at working out whatever it needed to work out. I don't need any of this intruding on to my conscious life.

I knew it!

You are Tater Tots. Go get your own!!


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

80's music is popular. Retro rides, radio stations dedicated to the music of the 80's, weekend 80's music features but these things do not cover the entire decade. I've noticed that only 6 songs from the 80's get played in rotation.

Jesse's Girl by Rick Springfield
White Wedding by Billy Idol
Jenny by Tommy TuTone
Rebel Yell by Billy Idol
Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
Pyromania by Def Lepard

10 years and this is all that gets played.

I hate radio.

I ran 3.3 miles with Masey. She did well and I think I will let her run with me during the 5K.

The court could not seat a jury because too many potential jurors were struck for cause. We were dismissed by 10:30 am.

Today is the first day of early voting on constitutional amendments in Texas and since I was at the courthouse already, I went to the polling place and cast my ballot.

A particularly stupid amendment is a so-called "anti-gay marriage" amendment. I voted against it because putting discrimination in the state constitution is not right. The amendment is so sloppily worded that it could be interpreted to ban all marriages in the state of Texas.

Language of the amendment:
"The constitutional amendment providing that marriage in this state consists only of the union of one man and one woman and prohibiting this state or a political subdivision of this state from creating or recognizing any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

Brief ExplanationHJR 6 would provide that marriage in Texas is solely the union of a man and woman, and that the state and its political subdivisions could not create or recognize any legal status identical to or similar to marriage, including such legal status relationships created outside of Texas.

Defines marriage then prohibits the state from creating or recognizing it. Or at least it could be interpreted that way.

Read the rest of the amendments here: http://www.sos.state.tx.us/elections/voter/2005novconsamend.shtml

The Texas state constitution is majorly FUBARed. Check out this constitutional amendment that I got to vote for or against:

"The constitutional amendment providing for the clearing of land titles by relinquishing and releasing any state claim to sovereign ownership or title to interest in certain land in Upshur County and in Smith County."

I live in Brazos County which is nowhere near Upshur or Smith County yet I have a voice in the clearing of land titles in certain land. I don't give a rat's ass was not an option on the ballot. I voted for it for no good reason other than the thrill of possessing the power to affect the fate of land in two Texas counties. Bwah-ha-ha!

I enjoyed the Ramadan dinner.

After dinner I realized why I don't like interacting with the progressive community in Brazos County. I agree with most of the causes but my interactions with the people have been less than positive. I cannot make a joke without a rant or recitation in response. I just want a laugh - that is all.

Maybe someone should tell them that their causes and intentions are good but many individuals are unpleasant to interact with. It could help advance their agenda if they would lighten up a bit. Work to improve things but be able to see the humor in it.

It could be my lot in life to only meet and interact with the unpleasant elements in the progressive community. Perhaps the pleasant elements don't get invited to the same events that I get invited to.

There is the possibility that my jokes are not funny. Most of these people listen to Garrison Kiellor for laughs.

I have to report for jury duty tomorrow.

I am also attending a Ramadan dinner tomorrow evening. An observance like Ramadan would do Americans a lot of good. Even a single day of fasting and reflection could work wonders for our national psyche. We would probably screw it up and commercialize it if such an observance became a national holiday.

This week's book:

Bat Boy Lives!: The Weekly

World News Guide to Politics, Culture, Celebrities, Alien Abductions, and the Mutant Freaks

that Shape Our World

I like the Weekly World News.

This week I ran 26.22 miles, burned 3,144.9 calories and weigh 163.3 pounds.

Monday ran 4 miles in 42:11
Wednesday ran 5.3 miles in 55:00
Thursday ran 4 miles in 41:12
Saturday ran 12 miles in 2:29:00

Next Saturday I run in the Woodstock Howl-o-ween 5K. 3.1 miles for the metric challenged. The distance marathon training run for next Saturday is 6 miles. I'll just do the 5K twice.

Masey chewed up her leash so I bought a chain leash for her.

I'm not sure if I'm going to let her run with me. She has very little experience on a leash but this would help her expend some energy. On the other hand I want to run my best and she might be a bit of a distraction.

You can check out Masey at http://www.woodstocktexas.org and you can see details about the 5K and an upcoming seminar.

I understand Bobo Bobobobo. The weirdness is not drug induced - it is the product of serious mental illness. This cartoon is an art therapy project for a Japanese mental patient. It all makes sense in that light.

I hope this patient get better.

I'm enjoying the insanity he/she seems to be suffering.

I have a new foster dog. Her name is Masey. She is a Pit Bull mix with a white coat, black nose, floppy ears, no tail and one brown eye and one blue eye. She is one year old. Still very much a puppy.

So far, she is a very different experience from Lola. Already had an accident. It was not her fault, I did not realize that whining meant "I need to go outside".

Masey can do an extended sit and will play fetch for a long time.

If I still have her, I'll take her to the 5K race. She might enjoy it.

It's official: I'm a deviant. This is quite an achievement in the age of the internet.

In the previous post I mentioned that I like looking at old men wearing Speedos - not necessarily for the aesthetics but for the attitude that these old men project. I prefer thinner old men who actually swim rather than fat old men just hanging around at the beach. I find the scars, wrinkles and other marks of living more interesting to look at than perfection.

Anyway, back to deviance. With over 6 billion people on this planet and 2 billion of them with internet access I assumed that I am not the only one that likes looking at old men wearing Speedos. Every other perversion has a website, news group or something.

I Googled old men wearing Speedos. I Googled with safe mode off. Nothing positive about old men in Speedos. Images yielded two blurry images, web yielded websites complaining about old men in Speedos, groups yielded more of the same.

Somebody tell me I'm not alone.

Some thoughts on cartoons:
Tom Goes to the Mayor sucks. It will not grow on me.
BoBo Bobobobo is an acid trip without the annoying side effects. I can feel synapses fusing together.
I'm looking forward to The Boondocks.
SeaLab 2021 - hilarious.
Squidbillies - the bits I've seen were quite amusing.
The Venture Brothers - I want more!
I'm glad to see Mission Hill and The Oblongs on USA. So many good cartoons on Adult Swim that another network was necessary to hold them all.
I want to sleep with Harvey Birdman, his wings would be nice and warm. Gary Cole is the coolest actor of all time.

I miss the old men in Speedos.

I like looking at old men in Speedos. There is no more vanity - they just want to swim - aesthetic sensibilities of others be damned. It is not the look that I find interesting, it is the attitude.

I'm told that the old men in Speedos are quite scary and uninhibited in the locker room. Fortunately, I'm a woman and am spared that horror.

Salvador is sitting on my shoulder looking at me sideways wondering why I'm typing instead of scratching his head. I don't really know what goes on inside his little bird brain. He does know I'll do anything to get him to shut up.

Spam Zen koans:
Love is Waiting
Get your supply to the demand.
Walk away from drugs and get your life back.
as flowing water.
Want something extra in bed?
Feel like you don't get out enough?
Dont loose your chance fresh

Salvador is biting my ear.

I took Lola to her new home.

Took the day off. My mind and body needed sleep. I slept until 11:00 am.

I hope I can get a decent night's sleep tonight.

This week's book:

Bone: Crown of Horns, Vol. 9

This week I ran 23.12 miles, burned 2,784.6 calories and weigh 163.8 pounds.

Monday ran 5K in 33:41
Wednesday ran 5 miles in 53:20
Friday ran 5K in 32:31
Saturday ran 11 miles in 2:16:00

Next week I'm going to try some new routines on my non-running days.

I paid for my entry for the Woodstock Howl-A-Ween 5K which will take place on October 29th.

Lola skipped adoption because she has an application for a great home and it looks like she will be in her forever home by next weekend.

Lola also participated in some painting. When I went to training she was covered in red and green paint. I took some pictures with my phone. I need to get a cable so that I can download the pictures that I have taken.

Goofy spam names:
Pansy Hooker
Queen Skinner
Accept U. Venuses
Mercy Schlapp
Dorthea H. Muscled

Spam Zen koans:
Be a fab master. Enjoy these exquisite watches.
Every man must have sex! MUST!!!
you can get your dream job
you can get money tomorrow
Meet someone tonight and someone else tomorrow
Companies that are hiring employees like you. (Nobody wants an employee like me.)
Linda, on a personal level
operant Vigilant Parcel, Wide-Reaching Posting. parks
Linda We can show you how
There she blows!
Shoot five times as much
Today can make a difference
Polls don't IMPEACH presidents; People do!
Laurentiu Shuffler Great position
NataIi and her daddy batavia
boat Extended medicinal selections satiate your needs. damsel
Dirt Hunter hunts down dirt where it hides Linda
It doesn't hurt to check Bill
how
Kindly Assist

I draw for therapeutic reasons.

Instead of a beating and a cell phone flushing a cartoon will be drawn. Yes, Mr. Leave My Cell Phone with an Annoying Country Song as a Ring Tone Unattended in the College Station Gold's Gym on Thursday, October 13th at Approximately 5:35 pm, a cartoon inspired by your inconsideration will appear on my site within the next four weeks. The magnitude of the annoyance you caused has inspired not a single panel cartoon but a multi-panel cartoon. You should be honored and relieved that I choose cartooning rather than beating to relieve the stress caused by morons like yourself.

'Til the Cows Come Home

I want this poster!

In this photo of a poster provided by Unicef on Tuesday Oct. 11, 2005, the cartoon Smurfs and their village are seen being bombed by airplanes. The recent advertising campaign by Unicef, both in print and on television, is intended to teach schoolchildren about the horrors of war. The title in French at left bottom reads 'Don't let war deystroy the world of children'. (AP Photo/Unicef/IMPS/Peyo)

Went to an interesting seminar. Found out about a group that I'm interested in getting involved in. It could actually enhance my career.

Spam Zen koans:
Stop being single today.
Steady Camera, Steady Pixels
Want people to worship the ground you walk on?
arid 100% best results! impressive
chip and chic

Wallace and Gromit was number one at the box office this weekend. Crackin' Toast, Gromit!

Spam Zen koans:
Get organized.
altruist Enriched medicinal inventories fulfill your requests. injurious
hypochlorous Click for secure link. must

This week's book:

Blizzards of Tweed

It was a glorious day. The weather was too beautiful to spend the day inside a church. We went to the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco. Walter took some great photos.

Pictures are posted at http://community.webshots.com/user/toonhead. Choose Cameron Park Zoo album. There are pictures of me with my new hair color.

We ate dinner at a restaurant on the Brazos River.

A great day.

This week I ran 24.69 miles, burned 2,786.6 calories and weigh 162.5 pounds.

Monday ran 5K in 34:18
Tuesday did 277 Hindu squats, 14 Hindu push-ups and held a back bridge for 60 seconds
Wednesday ran 5 miles in 54:16
Thursday ran 5K in 33:06
Friday did 139 Hindu squats, 13 Hindu push-ups and held a back bridge for 65 seconds. Rode a bike for 2.38 miles.
Saturday ran 10 miles in 2:05:00

Spam Zen koans:
Get the energy you've been waiting for (I don't have the energy to wait)
Be a trend leader. Shine with these exquisite watches.
shuck Truly the best! Lovely deals on quick cures. zucchini
razor Licensed Online Specialist. providential
seeing more hair in the shower?
I think you should
Please let me introduce myself to you as,
flying?
Is it time to replace your windows?
Praise God, wear a Heavenly T-shirt (That is what Jesus would do)
i hope in your assistance
hamilton Approved E Specialist. loathe
Are you Preoccupied?
Dare to meet someone new!
bracket Gain zero charge benefits & reasonably-priced antibiotics. lawbreaker
oxen Purchase effective capsulees here. orwellian
Assorted ranging of caliber replica.
We've come a long way since the barbed wire fence.

I'm taking the afternoon off to see Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Wererabbit at the movie theater. Walter and I will eat lunch and then go to the movie.

Received this from a friend:

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP :(

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. (I do not have any houseplants)
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. (I'm still flexible enough)
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. (Unless I'm having a bout of insomnia)
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. (My vacation in measured in hours and I have more than 14 days worth because I'm such a dedicated employee)
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@ kids next door won't turn down the stereo. (The %&@! kids next door are actually the same age and the sound system in their vehicle also serves as the sound system for their house)
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (I have to mentally brace myself when I receive an e-mail from my mother.)
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM! (I got a @#$%! job!)
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM now severely upsets, rather than settles, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (Does Fruit Loops and chocolate soy milk count as food?)
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. (I don't go to bars)
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

I'm wearing a Patrick watch that came from a cereal box. I'm so mature :P

All morning I've been experiencing physical signs of nervousness. My heart is beating faster than usual and I have to take a few minutes to take some deep breaths. There is no reason for this.

I did not sleep too well last night. Hot - remove blanket. Cold - add blanket. Hot - remove blanket and sheet. Cold - add sheet. Still cold - add blanket. Legs sweating and itching - remove blanket and sheet and scratch. Try to calm down. Snoring sounds. Poke Walter. Shoulders and arms cold - add sheet. Legs hot - remove sheet, wrap blanket around shoulders. Think calming thoughts. Calming thoughts interupted by snoring. Poke Walter again. Cold - add sheet. Damn alarm goes off. Hit snooze - cuddle next to Walter. Alarm goes off again - shut it off and sleep for another 20 minutes. Wake up - feed Lola - fix breakfast - watch Headline News - tell Walter that tropical storm Tammy's center of swirl is in Albany, Georgia.

Tammy is such a classic white trash name - a perfect name for a tropical storm hitting Georgia. Tammy is a great name for a storm that has a chance to hit the southern United States. Tammy will get reused since this year's Tammy is such a wimpy storm. Every hack comedian is salivating at the prospect of a storm named Tammy devastating the Gulf Coast. Despite living in the potential zone of destruction I can appreciate the humor. If Tammy is retired she should be replaced with Tanya.

Got dressed. Decided that I don't like my gray slacks - wear black slacks instead. Choose to wear the Patrick and SpongeBob watch.

Walter informed me that my body was radiating heat last night.

I still feel tired. My heart is not beating as fast but I still need to take breaks to breathe deeply.

Not every Tammy is a redneck. I know this. So do the non-redneck Tammys of the world. I enjoy some the music of Tammy Wynette and I think Tammy Faye Messner (formerly Baker) is one of the few public examples of a good Christian (seriously - I should elaborate some time).

Okay, maybe those are not the best examples of great Tammys of the world but I'm sure there is a Tammy out there researching a cure for a disease perhaps even synthesizing a vaccine for bird flu. God bless you, non-redneck, research scientist Tammy! I love you!

I need to get some sleep.

I like traveling back in time and correcting my mistakes.

Goofy spam names and Zen koans:
Linda, can you flip a switch
no vuelva a quedarse sin plata
Movie about discovery crashing made by our software

It arrived! Star Trek Titan: The Red King has arrived and I have my copy. WooHoo! A third Star Trek Titan novel is scheduled for release in January 2006.

This week's book:

Penguin Brothers

Goofy spam names and Zen koans:
Fix your situation Ned
shuck Definitely breath taking! Coolest deals on our medicals. zucchini
Grieves R. Hydroponics

This week I ran 20.28 miles, burned 2,452.5 calories and weigh 164.3 pounds. I need to monitor what and how much I eat more closely. Perhaps reserve the sweets as a Sunday treat.

This year, so far, I've ran 601.23 miles and burned 75,573.8 calories.

Monday ran 5K in 34:57
Tuesday did 239 Hindu squats, 12 Hindu push-ups and held a Back bridge for 43 seconds
Wednesday ran 4 miles in 44:14
Thursday ran 5K in 33:41
Friday did 254 Hindu squats, 14 Hindu push-ups and held a Back bridge for 50 seconds
Saturday ran 9 miles in 1:49:00

Goofy spam names and Zen koans:
Indeed quick results!
Endeavour to read carefully
Green towers te regala Chevrolet nuevecito!!!
Reputable watches is low priced
Hot Cars Cool Prices Linda Causey slay
you gonna to paradise
if you are sick of your job, be a cop, it's fun
barstow Less costing drugg stoore. crucible
new car for even bad ccrreddiit
Don't expose your intimate life!
A satellite phone will keep you talking.
Why let people know about your intimate life? (Because it is great and it pisses off lonely people or people in loveless relationships)
Want Proof?
No trees were harmed in the making of this floor.
Did You Watch Desperate Housewives or Lost? (neither)
Your Dreams Are Trying to Tell You Something
counterpoise Pharrtmaceutical
Be a style master. Shine with these superb watches.
Only decicive people need to open!!! (Those of you who can spell decisive - go away!!!)
you wont find anything better Suzanne
Can you handle this project?
Ready to take a vacation? (Yes)
I crave your indulgence (Sir, I don't know you)
River have immediate release
There she blows!
Has anyone stolen your dreams (Jeez, I hope not)
loathsome Pharrnmaceutical
It doesn't hurt to check Summer (I've checked Summer - it's hot, damn hot and has overstayed past Autumn)
Isolde have immediate release
We post universally.
Cecilia have immediate release
Linda, thank you for your....
Mommy give Iessons seven inferno
It doesn't hurt to check Darren (I prefer Dick Sargent over Dick York)
Loose yet WIN with Hoodia!
Want the sex life to be like it used to? (No - I used to not have one)
Content lallygag
Reply with honesty
where is most of your casgh? (In my sock drawer)

Why does wet dog food stink up the whole house? Dogs have a better sense of smell than humans.

The Barnes and Noble website says Star Trek: Titan - The Red King is available. Why isn't it at my local store? I suppose I could order it off the website and wait for delivery but I want it now! I'll check the store this weekend.

This weekend I'll attempt to overcome one of my fears - quoting a price for my art. I will finally answer those e-mail inquiries regarding commercial use of my clip art.

I dislike placing a dollar value on my art. It is not the "art should not be contaminated by commerce" mentality that holds me back but rather a fear of rejection and/or ridicule. I'm afraid that the price I quote would prompt the prospective customer to say, "You want how much for this crap? No way!" Now the person did make an inquiry so I assume that they are willing to pay something for the use of the art. I hate guessing.

I need to overcome this if I want to make any kind of living as an artist.

I have looked at other clip art sites and checked on their prices.

I've been working on some ideas for marketing my art. I need to write them down and place a plan in motion. I'll talk to Walter about this. If I want to do something - I make the time. It is time for me to do something about my career.

According to Barnes and Noble's website, Star Trek Titan - The Red King is scheduled for release on September 27th. I went to my local Barnes and Noble yesterday and did not find it on the shelf. I will go again after work and before my meeting and see if it appears today. I should recheck the website to verify the release date.

You know it was damn hot in your city when CNN Headline News mentions it. Bryan reached 103 degrees F yesterday. Today it will be a bit cooler at 100. The weather service predicts a cold front coming in and lowering temperatures to the mid 80's.

I need to review my grammar and brush up on my writing skills. I know this is just a blog but I don't want to be a part of the decline in language. Bad enough that some poorly designed website use my clip art; I don't want to add poor writng to my cyber-sins. I feel compelled to keep more formal writing alive on the internet. Reader comprehension is a bonus.

The above text translated to 12 year old AOL user:
ACORDNG 2 BARNAS AND NOBLAS W3BSIET STAR TRAK TITAN - DA R3D KNG IS SCH3DULED FOR REL3AES ON SEPTEMBR 27TH!11! OMG WTF LOL I W3NT 2 MAH LOCAL BARNAS AND NOBL3 YASTERDAY AND DID NOT FIND IT ON DA SHELF1!1! OMG WTF LOL I WIL GO AGANE AFT3R WORK AND BFOR3 MAH METNG AND SE IF IT APAARS 2DAY!111!1!1 OMG LOL I SHUD RACHEK DA WABSIET 2 V3RIFY TEH RALAAES DAET1111 LOL U KNOW IT WAS DMN HOT IN UR CITY WHAN CN HEADLIEN NEWS MENTIONS IT1!1!11 WTF BRYAN REACHAD 103 D3GRES F YESTERDAY!!11! OMG LOL 2DAY IT WIL B A BIT COL3R AT 101!11! WTF TEH WEATH3R SARVIEC PRADICTS A COLD FRONT COMNG IN AND LOW3RNG TEMPERATURAS 2 DA MID 80S
I1111!1! OMG NED 2 R3VEIW MAH GRMMAR AND BRUSH UP ON MAH WRITNG SKILS111!!1!! OMG LOL I KNOW THIS IS JUST A BLOG BUT I DONT WANT 2 B A PART OF DA DACLIEN IN LANGUAEG!1111!!1 BAD 3NOUGH TAHT SOMA PORLY DASIGNED WEBSIET US3 MAH CLIP ART I DONT WANT 2 AD POR WRITNG 2 MAH CYBR-SINS1!1!1!1 WTF LOL I FEL COMP3L3D 2 KEP MOR3 FORMAL WRITNG ALIEV ON DA INTERNAT!11!!1 WTF R3AEDR COMPREHENSION IS A BONUS!!111 WTF LOL

Translator URL - http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html

Which Monty Python sketch character are you?

You are the Abuse Clerk! You dish out verbal (and
some physical!) abuse all day long...as long as
the customer keeps payin'! Aaah...such
satisfying work!


What Monty Python Sketch Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This weekend I watched two DVD movies, A Shark Tale and Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. Both movies included Sir Mix-a-Lot's, "Baby Got Back". That song has really gotten around.

Sir Mix-a-Lot's song has an important message, whether black or white, gay or straight, male or female, we all like big butts.

This week I ran 19.26 miles, burned 2,337.5 calories and weigh 162.2 pounds. I ran 5K on Monday in 35:37, 4 miles on Wednesday in 45:04, 5K on Thursday in 34:18 and 8 miles on Friday in 1:33:00. Tuesday I did 228 Hindu Squats, 24 Hindu Push Ups and held a Back Bridge with hand support and my nose touching the mat for 33 seconds.

Goofy spam names and Zen Koans:
Grandfathered H. Christs
your willingness
Tea love dogs! Very love;)
A child waits for you
No trees were harmed in the making of this floor.
Original opposed to our genuine reeplica = the same.
Depo Yonetime ve Lojistik Egitim Seminerleri - Izmir
Welcoming good products web.
View cruel
Authentic Non-Authentic Zone.
breathtaking supplies. army
Completes range of famous repliica.
Truly healing results!
Desire Tudors? Eshop instantly.
top supply zone. nicholas
Wesley want to take the dog
Sara love horse! (in the ZOOFEVER exlusive) only! tutored
Sara love horse! (in the ZOOFEVER exlusive) only! mobster
Polka dots are okay on clowns, not curtains.
Sara love horse! (in the ZOOFEVER exlusive) only! illogical

None of my family's homes received any damage. My mother has power but no water. My aunt and uncle have water but no power, my father has no power and is staying with someone that does have power. My sister has no power.

I got in touch with almost everyone. I left a message with my dad. Everyone is fine. They are without power and there are a lot of downed limbs and trees.

My mother is going to check on her house. I'm a bit concerned about the debris from her neighbors damaging her house. The people across the street have the stereotypical redneck yard complete with a working vehicle and a two non-working vehicles of the same model that serve as parts cars. Last time I visited I thought about taking pictures and sending it to Blue Collar TV for their redneck yard photo contest. One of the cars was being protected by a discarded mattress.

We have clouds. No rain. A little bit of wind. A free three day weekend.

If my mom needs help cleaning up I'll take some time off and go down there.

My town has about 8,000 in shelters and another several thousand in homes and hotels. The city leaders are trying to manage the exodus.

A couple of links to a sad dog story:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1490472/posts
http://kctv.com/Global/category.asp?C=70755

Since everything I had to do got cancelled I'm having difficulty with the free time. I could use this time to draw or work on my clip art CD or clean up my e-mail box or answer some e-mails or do the dishes or laundry or clean the bird cage or clean the house or pull weeds from the flower beds or many other things that I now have time to do but I don't feel like doing anything.

Maybe a meal and a walk will get me out of my funk.

I'm glad that my family is okay so far.

My sister did not make it very far. She was on the road for 9 hours and only made it a distance that is usually covered in an hour or less. She turned back and will be riding it out at my dad's house.

On the current track my family may not get hit as hard as previously predicted but power most likely will be lost and there will be damaging winds, rains and tornadoes.

I'm being a bit of a lazy bum. I updated my website. For some reason I could not bring myself to do last night. Got caught up in watching MXC. I couldn't take any more Rita coverage.

I ran this morning - it was a great run and I felt really strong. For some parts of the run it felt like I was gliding.

Dog training and adoption has been cancelled for tomorrow. I'm going to arrange for Lola to meet a potential adopter sometime this weekend or next week.

After taking a nap this morning, I ate breakfast and watched more news. I still did not feel like doing much but decided that getting dressed would help motivate me.

I've been thinking about Objectivism a bit lately. I find it amusing how much the cold reality of natural disasters is bitch slapping the heck out of this philosophy. Objectivism is great on paper. I even thought it was the great thing that would help humanity achieve its potential but then I grew up. In my opinion advocating Objectivism after the age of 35 is a sign of either immaturity or employment at the Ayn Rand Institute. I wonder if self-interest is an acceptable reason not show up at work at the Ayn Rand Institute? Something tells me that the Ayn Rand Institute would be a lousy place to work. Salary and benefit negotiations would certainly be a bitch.

The flaw in Objectivism is that a substantial portion of the population is stupid and the invisible hand of the market cannot cull the stupid fast enough to prevent chaos.

I have a shallow understanding of Objectivism. I'm sure it would make more sense if I really studied Ayn Rand's works but I have a life and sleeping pills to take care of my occasional bouts of insomnia.

Goofy spam names and Zen koans:
Lactose Intolerance: Who's at Risk? (tonight on Channel 13 News at 10:00)
Chagrin T. Swampier
savvings precise judicature
give your partner more pleasure
When it comes to refinancing, there really is no time like the present.
Activate your super human abilities without effort - new technology! (I don't know, what if my super human abilities are useless?)
Make talk a reality with a second mortgage quote.
Medical insurance helps you take care.
Unbelievable Mortgages for Americans (Believable Mortgages for Non-americans)
my white teeth
Guaranteed to Get You Up and Keep You Going (A kick in the butt in a bottle)
Help the UN cultivate peace; Free bracelet today (Wear a bracelet and a war lord or brutal dictator loses his weapons)
Amount Higher Than Expected
It's the perfect time to visit New England (It would be great if I could get a flight out)
Samuri stock Info (So that is what happened to the Samuri)
Fix your situation Kenneth
Discover Reality Dressing at Spiegel...a collection for every woman, every age
Flowers can say what words cannot express.
Hot chick, ready for you
Very Urgently
You will love this watch...
Buying American: Houses!
I am still waiting for your urgent response
It likely will be the last day the 50-year-old federal appeals court judge appears before the Senate Judiciary Committee -- and the last chance for Democrats to press him on a range of hot-button issues (This was the subject line of some spam promoting cheap Rolex watches - this person needs a beating. It would be in my self interest to beat this person.)

Actual Zen:
"Before enlightenment chopping wood, carrying water
After enlightenment chopping wood, carrying water."
Zen Proverb

My sister is headed to Dallas to stay with our brother. He's going to call me when he hears from her or when she arrives. It is a 5 hour trip under the most favorable conditions.

I've been trying to call and the lines have been busy.

Walter bought some supplies and will get some more later today. It is projected that we will get 75 mph winds.

I look out my office window and see blue sky and sunny weather. The high temperature is going to be 101F.

We will be moving computers to an interior office before leaving.

The buildings on campus are solid. The third floor will be covering their equipment because the roof leaks and the basement will move theirs to "higher ground"

The waiting is making me anxious.

Thanks to Rita, my workplace will be closed on Friday.

I'm suppossed to take in an additional foster dog from the Houston SPCA. I haven't heard anything yet. It is taking hours to get out of the Houston area.

I hope my sister and her boys decide to come up and crash at my place. According to the projected path my area will get some nasty weather but not nearly as nasty as the coast. At the very least, I'm sure she will go to our aunt's house. I'm expecting a call in the morning.

I hope my mother, aunt and uncle change their minds about riding Rita out. They are 70 miles inland but this is a category 5. In 1983 they got hit pretty hard by Alicia and she was a category 3. At least my mother will be at her sister's house rather than her mobile home.

It is the waiting that is bothering me.

Walter stocked up on some supplies and will get some more tomorrow.

I'm going to attempt an extremely early run on Friday morning. If I had to go to work Friday, I would not consider it but since Texas A&M will be closed, I can suck it up and then go home, shower and go back to bed. 5:00 AM! Whew!

To anyone who says this is yet another punishment from God, please shut up. Houston has a gay community but it also has Joel Osteen. This is going to hit the righteous and unrighteous.

Despite some of my doubts and jokes I do believe in the power of prayer and positive thoughts. Please send some to Texas.

Thank you.

Goofy spam names and Zen koans:
best goods families portray
Neal N. Church (funny!)
There's Nothing Like a Hot Oil Penny Stock
Realize total and absolute power and domination in bed with your partner (Once you achieve that then take on the world!)
complete stocks bodyguard
Damien H. Ash
To make textile product for you to save your cost. (Small Q'ty is OK)(all)
To make various parts for you to save your cost. (Small Q'ty is OK)(all)
The perfect companion for your digital camera. (Great now my stuff is receiving dating site spam!)
Morsel C. Elopements
Linda, Does a 6 Figure Income Scare You?
A wife drinking piss inn this movie from Bra
Virgin mantrap for serious people
Imagine your neighbor family having sex altogether in a quiet summer evening.
every one is going for this now chartreuse

Thanks to Cox I had to update this morning rather than last night.

A Dish Network salesman was cruising our neighborhood saying that Cox was going all digital and would not make equipment available to those with analog equipment to view the digital content.

Walter had more questions for the saleman and he wanted me there as well. The salesman said he would return. He never did. I guess the saleman did not feel like answering questions.

Salesmen hate Walter because he asks questions and can do math. The credit card telemarketers really hate him and his ability to do math.

On the other hand, I'm not as incredulous and can be too polite in turning people away. That is why the Jehovah's Witnesses keep coming back. The Watchtower makes a fine bird cage liner but there has to be a better way to obtain copies. The Watchtower is just the right size for Salvador's cage.

I do have a certain admiration for Jehovah's Witnesses. They persist in going door to door and are still nice to people who are not at their best. I've answered the door many times wearing droopy boxer shorts and a t-shirt and my hair a mess. Once, I noticed that I was scratching an itch located on a body part that I would not scratch in public. I was in my house - scratching in inappropriate places is one of the privileges of being in your own space. The JWs were on the porch, they were not yet in my space. They were only taking my time. The JW's just talked, smiled, offered to pray for me and resupplied Salvador with bird cage liner.

The JWs persist in this door to door thing despite some of the ruder tactics people use to get rid of them - perhaps it is not so much as service to their God but something they do for their own amusement. Maybe their worship services consist of sharing the funny things they saw and heard while canvassing neighborhoods.

Do Jehovah's Witnesses have some kind of JW radar? Has a Jehovah's Witness ever knocked on the door of another Jehovah's Witness? Do the Jehohavah's Witnesses ever knock on the door of Mormans or is there some kind of professional courtesy at work here?

Surely, Google can help me find the answers to these questions. Maybe even a JW with a sense of humor. I've met several JWs in a non-door to door context and they all have been quite nice and possess a sense of humor about their religion.

Being able to laugh at your own religion without condemnation is a hallmark of a "good" religion.

I look different. After church I was going to have the oil in my car changed and get a haircut. Maybe even do something about the gray. The oil change place was closed so I got a color and a cut.

Hair coloring is not as an exact science as I thought. My hair is now a dark coppery brown. It does not match the color sample the stylist showed me. The color sample that she claimed most closely matched my actual non-gray hair color. Perhaps the lighting was poor or she was color blind or both. My hair has never been a coppery dark brown. I have ample photographic evidence.

It will take some time getting used to it. Next time I should plan further ahead and bring a photo of myself with my natural hair color.

I did want to experiment with a darker tone when I was ready. I guess I'm ready now.

Walter reacted well to the color.

I need to post a picture.

This week's book:

Sugar Buzz: Your Ticket to Happiness

This week I ran 17.19 miles, burned 2,172.8 calories and weigh 163 pounds.

Monday I ran 5K in 37:01, Wednesday I ran 4 miles in 46:23, Thursday I ran 5K in 34:57 and Saturday I ran 6 miles in 1:19:00

Tuesday I did 100 Hindu Squats, 19 Hindu Push-ups and held a Back Bridge with hand support for 20 seonds. Friday I did 188 Hindu Squats, 19 Hindu Push-ups and held a Back Bridge with hand support for 40 seconds. Friday's workout I really got into a meditative zone. Moving the stretching before the calisthenics helped.

Lola ran with me on the 6 mile run. She did quite well. She rested for about 20 minutes in the car, while I took a shower at the gym then we went to training and she ran and played as if she had not run 6 miles. She runs slow but so do I. I need to work on a better watering method for her. She won't be accompanying me on too many more long runs because of the distance and time it takes me to run would conflict with dog training. I'll have Walter drop her off at training and the Woodstock folks can take her to adoption when the mileage increases to that point.

My right calf is sore. Maybe I can talk Walter into giving me a leg massage tonight.

Lola and I will sleep well tonight.

Boy, I'm getting things done early. I went to bed at 9:30 last night. It looks like I'll be doing the same tonight.

I woke up at midnight to pee, otherwise I got a good night's sleep.

Now, I need to learn not to hit the snooze button so many times. For the past two weeks I've hit it two times. This morning I hit the button three times. I'm trying to get it down to one hit. I need that nine minutes to transistion from sleep to awake so unless I'm on fire I will not get up immediately after the alarm goes off.

Spam Zen koans:
bentham
ursuline
chancy
follow

I've got my spine. I've got my Orange Crush.

Ha!

Walter cleaned the kitchen and washed the clothes. The kitchen looks great.

Spam Zen koans:
chew bran
found a better solution injudicious
equipotent

I got everything done and still can go to bed early!

Hooray Beer!

This week I ran 17.31 miles, burned 2,220.1 calories and weigh 163.3 pounds.

I started running with Gold's Gym Marathon training. This is in preparation for the Austin Marathon on February 19. Two days before my 37th birthday.

I ran 5K in 32:50, 5 miles in 51:48 and 59:00. I forgot to record my time for Monday's 5K.

I really need to pay more attention to what I eat.

Lola has achieved her Level One Manners Training. She can sit, lay down, shake and is housebroken and controllable on a leash. She also comes when called. If you live within an 1 hour drive of Bryan/ College Station, Lola can be adopted via woodstocktexas.org

This week's book:

The Book of Sick

I'm going to do the Sunday Crossword at the Houston Chronicle website then it is bedtime. I like living on the edge.

The team from church that drove the U-Haul to Baton Rouge arrived back in College Station yesterday safe and sound. The trip was longer than they anticipated because of road construction and police.

According to reports the collection point in Baton Rouge was very grateful for the items. They had a warehouse full of clothes and very little else. It took 8 people 2-1/2 hours to unload the truck. The supplies were going to a suburb south of Baton Rouge. A decent amount of cash was also left in Baton Rouge.

The truck was left at a Baton Rouge U-Haul facility per the instructions of U-Haul in College Station. The U-Haul in Louisiana was glad to take the truck. They have none.

I need to get the two-way radios that the team borrowed.

A screen shot of the Bush Administration disaster list (from The Daily Show):

For those with poor vision, the list:
Major Disasters of the Bush Administration
Abu Graib (check), Bin Laden (check), Chalabi (check), Deficit (check), Enron (check), Failure to find WMDs (check), Halliburton (check), Iraq (check), John Bolton (check), Katrina (check), Locusts, Mars attacks, North Korea, Osama and Jenna, Pregnancy: Osama and Jenna, Queer revolt, Rodents of unusual size, Syrian War, Tigers, Unicyclists - Nuclear, Voldemort, WWIII, X-Rated tape: Osama and Jenna, Yam shortage, Zero people left on Earth

This list is a parody of the list of hurricane names that the National Hurricane Center releases before each hurricane season. Here is the 2005 list (Atlantic):
Arlene, Bret, Cindy, Dennis, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey, Irene, Jose, Katrina, Lee, Maria, Nate, Ophelia, Philippe, Rita, Stan, Tammy, Vince, Wilma

Ophelia is spinning around off the east coast of the United States. Katrina will be retired.

For more information check out http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/aboutnames.shtml

Walter could be used in 2010 (Atlantic) and Linda could be used for a Eastern North Pacific name in 2009.

I'm waiting for a hurricane Dakota, Destiny, Madison or Sheniqua. Jesse Jackson would get his panties in a bunch over that last one.