Humor recommendations:

Lio: http://www.gocomics.com/lio/
One of the funniest comics to hit the papers in a long time. Uses minimal dialogue. All visual humor. Forces me to face my mediocrity as a cartoonist.

Korgun of Barbaria: a cartoon in the Sunday Adult Swim line up on Cartoon Network. A parody of Conan, Dungeons and Dragons and Heavy Metal rolled into one. The art is heavily influenced by Don Martin.

This video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oxBm-XI5bk
Pia Zadora - You Bring Out the Lover in Me. Everything hilarious about the 1980's in one video. The underwear around the ankles chorus line is disturbing. Brought to my attention via http://gutterboylive.livejournal.com/
The discussion: http://gutterboylive.livejournal.com/79107.html
Forces me to realize that I'm not so mediocre.

These ought to keep you laughing until the apocalypse.

Ooooooo, scary! It is 06/06/06!

The apocolypse better get here soon.

I need to do a better job of promoting aperfectworld.org merchandise.

Here are some cool products you can purchase to support me and aperfectworld.org. I might even use the money for art lessons.

• A set of dragonfly stamps
• A cd-rom chock full of original clip art
• A t-shirt: Go beyond evolution - mutate!
• Proclaim your dog's love for porn
• Ghandi non-violently resists ass!
• What would Satan do? Made in the USA
• George W. Bush saying "Boobies!"
• Stealing from a PBS supporter

These products and much more at http://www.cafepress.com/apw

This week I ran 9.62 miles, burned 1,214.3 calories and weigh 168.5 pounds.

So far this year I have ran 374.18 miles and burned 45,312.8 calories.

Wednesday ran 5K in 38:34
Friday ran 6.20 miles in 65:00

Sunshine! Hooray sunshine!

I'm temp fostering Brodhi, the big goofy hound, this weekend. Loki will enjoy having a playmate.

I've switched the recipe additions to the website from Sunday to Thursday.

Walter is still on a roll with the gags.

Yes, my life is as uninteresting as this blog. People with really interesting lives do not have time to blog. Wow, blog is a noun and a verb.

Listening to "Cheatin' Fire" by Johnny Bush.

I love country music lyrics.

"We lie in the ashes, unconcerned"

Art Lessons. I need art lessons.

How does everyone else on the web get their comics to look so good? I appreciate a drawing style that I cannot duplicate.

The clouds and sleepiness are getting to me. I should always strive to improve my artistic abilities but my style unique. I've not encountered a web comic drawn like mine. There are plenty of badly drawn comics out there. Some, for reasons unknown, are more popular than mine. I guess it really is about the gag and not so much the art.

If anyone wants to slip me some cash via PayPal to go toward art lessons I would not object.

I'm still having some difficulty getting out of vacation mode. Last night, I watched too much TV; Mind of Mencia and South Park.

I bought groceries to replace the stuff that went bad in the fridge. The fridge door was open while we were gone.

Walter's gag writing abilities have kicked into high gear. If he keeps this up I may not have to be funny ever again. That won't happen - being funny is a large part of my identity.

Yesterday, Walter went above and beyond for the welfare of an animal. He picked up a cat to take to Woodstock. Walter is very allergic to cats but he transported this cat. The cat will be in a foster home until a permanent home is found.

I'll try my best not to get sucked into another TV show tonight.

May has to end soon.

Last week I ran 7.72 miles, burned 975.6 calories and weigh 165.8 pounds.

Monday (22nd) ran 4.30 miles in 65 minutes
Wednesday ran 5K in 39:23

I'm back. I'll post a new cartoon tonight.

I did nothing yesterday. I picked up Loki, converted an old cartop carrier to a pool for him, watched a movie (In Harm's Way), napped, unloaded the car, vegged in front of the TV.

I caught a few fish and a rock. Kept one fish and the rock. I have an interesting tan line on my feet.

I missed Loki. I'm glad he is back.

Now, to get back into the swing of things.

Unitarians are not weenies. I know a couple of UUs that can whoop some major ass if they were so inclined. Most of us would laugh at this cartoon.

I know it is just a cartoon but I felt the need to point out that Unitarian-Universalism is not some wimpy spirituality. It is difficult to come to your own conclusions about God and/or the reason for existence. Try doing the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do. No reward - earthly nor heavenly. The fun part is worshiping and serving as a community with diverse views.

Do you think a bunch of weenies would declare that everyone has inherent worth and dignity. Everyone - including homosexuals and others that other religions consign to hell. Quite frequently true weenies send threatening letters to my church for our tolerance and non-dogmatic views.

Then there is the being non-offensive bit. If I had a dime for each time someone brought up my religion in reference to a cartoon that I drew that offended them I would be able to purchase a Vault, drinks like a soda, kicks like an energy drink, from the vending machine at work. Apparently to the world a good UU is not allowed to be offensive. A UU is certainly not allowed to mock humans or point out the absurdities of the human condition in a cartoon.

UUs offend because of our tolerance and this UU sometimes offends because of her perceived lack of tolerance.

The real weenies are those who refuse to question and examine their beliefs and try to force the world to fit into their box.

Because the pope, the bible, the koran, the preacher, the president, xenu, said so... The phrase of a true weenie.

-------------------------------
Tomorrow, I go whoop some bass. Or crappie.

Nothing.

Nothing interesting.

Nothing so uninteresting that it becomes interesting.

Nothing.

But it is Wednesday and I cannot let more than three days pass without a post.

I'm going fishing this weekend. Got my license. The bass and crappie of Toledo Bend Lake better watch out because I'm gonna catch them all and then release them. I'll take a picture of the really big fish and then release. You fish are lucky that I really hate filleting.

I read in the Texas Parks and Wildlife handbook the chemical warnings regarding consuming fish from waters in Texas. There is a warning against eating gar from a certain lake because of high levels of mercury. If you are eating gar then potential mercury poisoning is the least of your problems.

Mentally, I'm already on vacation.

This week I ran 13.36 miles, burned 1,808 calories and weigh 166.2 pounds.

Tuesday ran 3.85 miles in 65 minutes
Thursday ran 5K in 40:13
Friday ran 6.09 miles in 65 minutes

I was elected President of the Board of Trustees at church. I feel too young for that sort of title.

Walter helped his niece build a Rube Goldberg device. It worked three times and it did not take all night. I helped some.

Time for me to put Loki to bed.

Here is the url of the video that has one of my cartoons in it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KkPJInrCko

Walter presented me with a necklace with a single pearl pendant.

One of my panels appears in a video. I'll post the link later.

Walter and I went out to dinner last night. We are officially old - the dinner was the whole date rather than a start of a date. Poor Walter had a headache last night.

I took a break from the Spanish language CD to listen to some regular radio. I like to be reminded how much local radio sucks. Spanish language radio stations were interfering with the signals of my radio presets.

[Insert anti-illegal immigrant rant here]

It was annoying.

I need to burn some CDs containing songs that do not suck. I have a long road trip scheduled this Memorial Day weekend.

What is it about Thursday that makes me write so much?

In honor of my 12 years of marriage I offer the following advice on how to have a great marriage.

1. Don't be a psychopath. This is a basic rule for any kind of social success. Too many people forget or simply never learned not to be a psychopath. The term "psychopath" is out of vogue - I think the favored term is antisocial personality disorder or something like that. In lay terms: f*ck*d up *ssh*l*. The irony of this is that the person with the disorder does not realize that they are the ones that are f*ck*d up.
2. Don't marry a psychopath. Highly trained professionals cannot change them, neither can you.
   
3. If you don't want to hear the answer don't ask the question. Does this make my butt look big? Everything makes your butt look big because you have a big butt. He married you anyway.
   
4. If you want something done a certain way then do it yourself. Another option - tell him how to do it and then shut the f*ck up. Don't get bitchy, whiny or angry if it is not done right. If, God forbid, you become a widow whether he folded the towels right or put the dishes up correctly will not matter.
   
5. Oral goes both ways. If he is willing then you should be willing.
6. Wash daily and trim regularly.
   
7. Don't push it in the bedroom. If things go well you two will have years to experiment. Take things at a pace that is comfortable for both. If she is not ready to go deep then let go of her ears. You run shorter distances first before running a marathon.
8. Wait at least 2 years before having children. Do not have children unless both parties want them. Guys, don't just go along - make an informed decision. If you don't want children then let her know. Two options if both parties do not want children: dissolve the marriage or don't have children. Don't force this issue. Too much is at stake. Ladies, don't sabotage the contraception. Guys, if you are serious about not wanting children, get a vasectomy.
9. Laugh. Don't take everything so damn seriously.
   
10. Don't assume. Don't make up motives which may or may not exist.
11. It is nobody's job to "complete" you. It is unfair to the other person. Enhance yes, complete no.
12. Forgive. Exception - abuse - in that case get out.
    
13. Don't let others dictate what is normal for you and your partner. If you never fight - then consider yourself lucky.
14. Put the relationship books and magazine articles down.
    
15. Don't analyze, just enjoy.
16. Let "I love you" be the last thing you say to each other before leaving the house or getting off the phone.
    

The next four days Walter and I celebrate 12 years of wedded bliss. We had a ceremony for friends and family but also got legally married by a Justice of the Peace. The minister for the ceremony was not authorized to marry people in Texas. We did the JP thing three days before the ceremony.

A quick Google search reveals that the traditional gift is silk/linen and the modern gift is pearls.

Why is that ZZ Top song playing in my head?

I woke up this morning with big hair. My hair is big every morning but this morning I decided to let it remain big. Other women spend hundreds of dollars on products and spend a great deal of time trying to get their hair to do what mine does naturally. I just run a comb through my hair a few times and I'm done.

A couple places you can see examples of big hair:
An entire gallery of big hair
http://www.houseofdiabolique.com/archives/hair040702.html
My hair is not that big. Gravity does it work if I let it grow long enough.

Todas: The Blog for Girls
http://www.faq-mac.com/bitacoras/todas/index.php?p=526&more=1&c=1
Big hair of the 1960's

The most famous big hair picture on the web:

A small collection of random thoughts

I'm tired of copying someone's dissertation on Florida manatees. I can add details of the sex lives of Florida manatees to the list of things I know but I wish I did not.

Being available to make copies and do other work is why I get paid the big bucks. I'm making good money for the amount of effort I put forth.

Things are slow at work because it is between semesters. I shredded a bunch of student records. When the records are older than the undergraduates then it is time to get rid of them. We are only supposed to keep them for 5 years.

I have a lot of packing material, empty file folders and empty file cabinet space.

I hate staples. Nobody thinks about the person that has to pull all the staples before shredding the documents. I pulled enough staples to make a single wide mobile home exterior. That is a bit of an exaggeration but I pulled out enough metal to set off a detector if I were to carry all the pulled staples in my pocket.

You think this is boring. I'm yawning as I type this post.

If I had autism everything I do would be a major achievement. I'm one disability from greatness. I'm really grateful for my good health - physical and mental - but sometimes it kind of sucks being solely responsible for my fate and not having an excuse for the state of my life.

I'd rather have the responsibility than the disability. I'm just in a funk about the state of my life. I've reached some plateaus and don't see a way off at the moment.

Sometimes, I want to completely withdraw from the world but still have my needs met. Welfare is not an option. The life of a welfare recipient is not the kind of life I want. Everything is paid for by the taxpayers but the stuff sucks. I guess for some people that is good enough. I understand for others that it is a difficult life to leave behind.

At least I'm on a plateau rather than in a hole.

I took Bailey to the office so that her next foster can pick her up. She just left.

Loki was sad when Bailey left the house. I think he likes having a playmate.

My clip art CD is now available.

I got in a bit late from visiting my mother last night so I did not update the cartoon.

A new cartoon will be posted tonight, along with new clip art and the launch of my clip art CD.

I have on CD over 2,000 eps, tif, psd and jpeg images. All original art.

This week I ran and rowed 15.15 miles, burned 1,776.1 calories and weigh 165.3 pounds.

Tuesday ran 4.09 miles in 65 minutes
Thursday ran 2.58 miles in 35 minutes
Friday rowed 2.48 miles in 20 minutes
Saturday ran 6.00 miles in 65 minutes

I volunteered at adoptions today. Loki got lots of interest and an application. Brodhi got an application, too.

Children should be leashed, muzzled and crated.

Disclaimer: the following does not reflect the official position or opinion of the Unitarian Univeraslist Church of the Brazos Valley. It is only the opinions and thoughts of the blogger.

I attended my last church board meeting as President-Elect. Assuming that the congregation agrees on May 21, I'll be chairing the next board meeting.

It will be an interesting year for the church. We will be looking for a minister. Full-time, if the congregation approves the budget or part-time if the congregation modifies the budget. There are some that would argue that we are doing just fine without a minister. I'll make sure the worship committee identifies those people and tell them to serve on the committee.

If you are an Unitarian - Universalist minister in need of a congregation check out the one in College Station, Texas. We are not a large congregation but we are very kind and forgiving and poised for growth. If you consider yourself in agreement with UU Principles (www.uua.org) and enjoy herding cats check us out (www.brazosuu.org). We are an imperfect institution full of imperfect people who welcome more imperfect people to join us on our quest for truth, spiritual growth and a more just world.

Of course, the minister has to be perfect.

Just kidding. Imperfect is okay.

The weather is pleasant for most of the year. The summers can be brutal but winter lasts for days, sometimes hours, rather than weeks. The spring is the most picturesque season with huge swathes of wildflowers lining the roadways. The political climate leans to the right but the progressive community is making inroads. There are complaints about the political climate but most people work to diversify it rather than just move away. Most folks like living here. Overall, the quality of life here is good.

None of this is official, I'm just reflecting on the future. I get to write a letter that will go in a search packet.

I will be doing a bit more writing than usual in the next year and I won't be able to just walk away when people complain. Some folks expect me to do something.

I will have to call upon organizational skills that I have not used in about a decade.

The next 12 months should be a time of great personal growth and shrinking of available time. I hope I can sustain my enthusiasm for the full 12 months. On too many things I tend to sputter out before reaching the end and the quality of the final result suffers.

If the congregation agrees Walter will be serving on the board as an at-large member. Initially, I was hesitant about that but I think I will appreciate the support. There will be some things that will need to be communicated and agreed upon beforehand. We can deal with that at a board retreat.

I almost overwhelmed myself thinking about the things that need to get done before the June meeting. Calm down, take a deep breath, find the quiet.

-------------------------

My Spanish lessons are taking hold. If I need to count, about 75% of the time, I do so in Spanish. I can count up to 59. I haven't learned the word for 60, yet.

Loki's adoption did not work out. He is back in my home. Jam will be going to a different foster home. The fence jumping is a bit worrisome and we did not want to leave Jam in her kennel for 8 or more hours a day. Hopefully, Jam will go to a foster that can supervise her outside time a bit more closely.

I'm also temp fostering Bailey. You can find a picture of her in an earlier post.

Here's a good picture of Loki:

This postcard from www.postsecret.com really cheered me up. It gave me a bit of hope about the state of my world.

I voted no on the silly amendment.

As the movement to ban all forms of birth control and to define marriage as a union of one man and one woman for the purpose of producing children becomes more vocal I sometimes worry about my own marriage becoming illegal. All the sex in my marriage is nonreproductive.

Fortunately, there is a decent size segment of Fundamentalist Christianity that celebrates sexuality in the context of marriage and that the primary purpose of sex within marriage is not reproduction but rather the mutual pleasure of each partner. God created sex for fun. I heard that in an Evangelical church that I used to go to. I think it is just the Conservative Catholics that have a bug up their ass about nonreproductive sex within marriage.

Allowing homosexuals to marry won't lead to allowing people to marry anything or anyone. Women getting the right to vote did not lead to hamsters getting the vote. Bill Maher made that observation.

Consider all the Trekkies that fall in love and get married. If you go to a Star Trek convention or any science fiction convention you will quickly conclude that love works in mysterious ways and that we should not be putting stuff in the constitution - state or U.S. - about it.

My truthful resume.

Objective: To get as much money as possible in exchange for as little effort possible.

Education: I got a degree but not the one you want. It has been over 10 years since I received this degree. Does it still matter?

Work experience:
I have done just about everything. Cleaning, yard work, cooking (the jobs Americans refuse to do - I'm an American and I have done them - I was paid minimum wage), day care worker, food delivery, painting, design, desktop publishing, sign installation, scene building, stage hand, retail clerk, photo lab work, office work, drawing, telemarketing, outside sales.

Skills:
Too many to list. Varying degrees of use.

References:
Hell no. I don't trust anyone to tell the truth about me. I can barely tell the truth about me.

Here is Jam, the amazing fence leaping dog! Isn't she a pretty girl? She is available through http://www.woodstocktexas.org She jumps the fence but does not stray far from the house. She was found this afternoon laying under one of the trees in the front yard.

This week I ran 10.17 miles burned 1,268.6 calories and weigh 165 pounds.
Monday walked 1.31 miles in 35 minutes
Wednesday ran 5K in 42:02
Friday ran 4.77 miles in 65 minutes

I skipped my Saturday run to work on the presentation that I gave in church this morning. The presentation went okay. I should have manually forwarded slides rather than use auto timing. But it is done. Most everyone enjoyed the cartoons. Nobody has threatened to throw me out. I'm never quite satisfied with anything that I do.

I taught the children the meaning of procrastination and a funny response if they are asked what is procrastination and I read them a Grimm Fairy Tale - The King and his Three Lazy Sons.

I did think of some Unitarian - Univerasalist heresy: BOB DYLAN SUCKS!

Let's see if that gets me excommunicated.

Oh, yeah.

It is National Cartoonist Day.

Hug and more importantly give money to your local cartoonist.

I guess I should show a little more excitement:

Happy Cartoonist Day!

Buy me a beer. You can pretend it is for Cinco de Mayo.

I did not go to the gym after work. I was tired. Instead went to Taco Cabana with Walter. Drank a margarita. The margaritas at Taco Cabana are quite strong. I had a nice buzz going before I was half finished.

I skipped the gym and my irrational fear of instantly regaining all of the weight I lost did not happen.

I got a decent night's rest. That probably did more for my health than any time in the gym.

I've written most of my presentation for this Sunday. There is more to say but I cannot come up with the words. I might go into the dangerous world of speaking off the cuff. Hopefully the cartoons will fill in the gaps.

I still haven't decided on a story for all ages - the children's story. The last time I did the children's story, it was a huge hit. I'm trying to avoid the pressure of living up to that performance.

I'm thinking about doing a live drawing. The whole program is about religion and cartoons. So, why not create a cartoon live? Sort of a goofy creation story.

In the beginning was a blank sheet of paper. The creator divided the blank sheet into panel and off panel. I sort of stuck there. I want to draw a funny scene and then let the kids attempt to come up with a punchline.

I find myself in this situation because of my own procrastination. This date was set several months of ago and I could have invited a professional cartoonist to speak. There are two that live nearby. But I let other things distract me and it became too late to extend the invitation and here I am about to bore the hell out of several people this Sunday. Removing the hell out of people is one of the functions of church but this is an Unitarian Universalist church and we don't believe in Hell in the eternal damnation sense.

Fortunately, the congregation as a whole is a forgiving group. This will be the last time that I test the extent of that forgiveness in the pulpit. I will have plenty of time to test the forgiveness if I get voted as Board of Trustees President. I've been the President-Elect for a year.

I'm excited.

I remembered to update! That is an unusually muscular cartoon self-portrait. I've never done it but I think I can toss a Gap sales girl at least 10 feet. I've been working out. I don't have the strength to lift one up by her neck.

I'm getting some rest tonight.

Buenos Noches.

I don't feel like doing anything. It is that 4:45 malaise. Not enough time to start another project but still can't leave.

I'm learning Spanish using some Berlitz CDs I bought at a garage sale. I listen while driving. Yo escucho la CD. Yo escucho la CD de Espanol en mi coche. I'm working on thinking and talking not writing so I'm not sure it any of that is spelled correctly or even grammatically correct. I'm doing this not because I'm particularly interested in communicating with Spanish speaking people but to keep my mind from turning to mush.

Being able to say, "Control your damn children!, Shut the @#$% up and Why are you taking family planning advice from the Pope?" in Spanish would be a great side effect.

Sorry, that was mean. There are millions of Spanish speakers who ignore the Pope.

Hasta luego!

Son las Cinco!

I forgot to update the cartoon.

I sent my information to the church secretary for an upcoming service and marked that off my "to do" list. While doing that I marked off update website from the list as well. As far as I was concerned I updated the website. I placed the memory of doing the update in my mind but the external evidence proves otherwise.

The mind can play weird tricks. Maybe I can trick my reality into following my imagination. I become fairly adept at delusions. Unfortunately, it is not as a marketable skill as I think. At least, not the sort of delusions I conjure.

The point of this cartoon: Based upon the actions of anti-abortion activists they seem to care very little for the actually born. So much energy is expended to stop abortion but so little is used to improve the lives of those that are born.

In this cartoon, the activists prevented the abortion but failed to provide any help or support to the mother or the child.

I wonder if anti-abortion activists really want to end abortion.

The local Coalition for Life is running ads decrying the quality of the condoms that Planned Parenthood passes out and the lack of a doctor at the local clinic - "only an out of town abortionist". The Coalition for Life's solution - shut down Planned Parenthood.

The Coalition for Life does not pass out higher quality condoms, does not operate a clinic where low income women can get exams (Planned Parenthood also offer gynecological exams - for early detection of diseases, like cancer), does not operate an adoption agency, does not operate a day care so that single women can still go to work and school and keep the kid, does not offer any kind of support for someone wishing to keep the baby, does not offer parenting classes, does not offer sex education (other than sex outside of marriage is bad), does not offer disease prevention information, and does not offer any kind of family planning services. The Coalition for Life does not offer anything to prevent the need for an abortion.

What does the Coalition for Life do? Stand outside of the local Planned Parenthood Clinic and protest and pray; Write down the license plate numbers of vehicles coming into the Planned Parenthood and then from that getting the address registered to the license plate and sending a nasty letter to the address. They interfere with the operations of businesses that support Planned Parenthood. Not a simple boycott but activities that interfere with the business such as tying up fax lines with junk faxes. The Coalition for Life is so obnoxious that they have turned off other anti-abortion groups.

The Coalition for Life has not helped a single child or woman. It is this organization that I had in mind when I drew this cartoon.

If you are an anti-abortion activist that actually does the things that the Coalition for Life does not do - this cartoon is not about you. If your pro-life organization really cares about life (the born and unborn) then this cartoon is not about your organization. If your anti-abortion organization provides all kinds of resources and information (other than celibacy) to prevent unplanned pregnancies then this cartoon is not about you.

If you believe that the point of this cartoon is anything other than what I have stated, then you are wrong. Yes, you are wrong. You are wrong - try to cope. Nope, you are still wrong. It's cute but wrong. It's wrong, I tell you, wrong. No, seriously, you are wrong.

I drew the damn cartoon. I know my own thoughts.

I have a new foster dog. Her name is Jam and she is Loki's sister but she looks nothing like a Bull Mastiff.

Pictures will be posted soon.

This week I ran 15.15 miles, burned 1,892.7 calories and weigh 164.7 pounds.

So far this year I've ran 318.6 miles and burned 38,270.2 calories.

Monday walked 1.26 miles in 35 minutes
Wednesday ran 5K in 43:04
Friday ran 4.82 miles in 65 minutes
Saturday ran 5.75 miles in 65 minutes

Loki got adopted! He went to his new home today. His new parents are a nice young couple with a Golden Retriever. They went to a special adopt-a-thon at Central Park to just look around. They wanted to add a Bull Mastiff to the family when they moved into their new home but they saw Loki and fell in love and decided to adopt him. They will move into their new home in a month. Loki gets along great with the Golden Retriever.

I've washed the bowls, old t-shirts and put up the toys in preparation for the next dog. I think it is going to be Loki's sister.

Things that I don't know and grateful that I don't:

1. No toilet nor bowel related comment here
2. The Klingon language besides the word K'pla
3. Any of the plot line for Desperate Housewives
4. American Idol
5. A great deal about current popular culture
6. Extreme poverty - sleeping in the streets, subsisting on throw aways
7. The pain of childbirth. My tubes are tied.
8. What a broken bone feels like
9. How to use profanity in languages other than English
10. Intense loneliness
11. Suicidal depression
12. What it is like to face imminent death
13. Soul destroying hatred - the kind of hatred that overtakes every facet of life. For example, Fred Phelps and his "church's" hatred for homosexuals. Google him and puke.
14. A really good joke to end this list - I'm not grateful for that.
    

Things I know that I wish I didn't:

1. The effects of eating 3 bowls of BooBerry Cereal on the bowels
2. What it feels like to have a needle stuck into an open wound
3. What an earthworm tastes like
4. The keyboard short cut for undo
5. What is like to become drunk to the point of passing out
   
6. The name of the dog on the Brady Bunch
7. What hives feels like
8. How painful blistered skin is
9. What scalding hot water poured over my head feels like
10. How long it takes a toenail to grow once it has been completely removed
11. The shame of saying something stupid and hurtful. The kind of shame that haunts you even after years have gone by.
    
12. What is like to hurt my parents
13. "Correct" usage of certain racial epithets
14. The point of view of some ugly people and understanding how they could come to that conclusion
15. What the inside of the county jail looks like
16. Pea gravel passes through a dog unchanged
17. Mr. Spock's blood type
18. I really like the song "Come Sail Away" by Styx
19. How inadequately prepared I was for adulthood
20. Being called an asshole and realizing that the description was accurate at the time
21. People not laughing at my jokes
22. Just how few people whose company I genuinely enjoy
23. Not being able to round out this list with something light and amusing
    

Suggestions to promote harmony in the work place:

1. If you need to flush twice, then flush twice. Flush as many times as necessary. Also, consider a change in diet.
   
2. Learn the difference between reply to sender and reply to all.
3. Daily e-mail reminders are not necessary.
4. I assume everyone that works here is an adult. I have certain expectations of my fellow adults. If you have failed to master the basic skills of adulthood (for reasons other than disability), it is not my problem. It is your problem, fix it. There is a large pool of resources to help but first you must acknowledge that you are the one that is defective.
   
5. There rarely is a bad time to shut the @#$% up. One with a shut @#$% does not know the taste of leather, rubber, suede or vinyl. Shut @#$%s rarely irritate co-workers.
6. If I am on fire I'm likely the first person aware of it. Try informing of things I do not know. I am not a mind reader.
7. Yes, I like to grow as a person. That's my problem not yours. Some of this growth benefits the workplace other growth benefits myself only. Try to find meaning in your own life.
8. I like this job but you still have to pay me to be here. Please keep that in mind.
9. I am different than you. This is one of the basic skills that should be mastered before adulthood - understanding that people are different.
10. The nature of reality does not change simply because you say so or it is different in your mind. If it happened one way in front of witnesses, saying it happened differently will not change events. You are not powerful to repeat a lie several times until it becomes the truth. That is a skill of the government, media, religious leaders and people with a bit of charisma.
    

Here's Loki!

This week I ran 14.97 miles, burned 1873.1 calories and weigh 162.3 pounds.

Monday: 1.19 miles in 35:00
Wednesday: 5K in 44:01
Friday: 4.76 miles in 65:00
Saturday: 5.69 miles in 65:00

Addie went back to her regular foster. I cleaned up the stuff she tore up and Walter filled in the holes that she dug. Loki is now laying on top of one of the filled holes. Packing down the dirt. Loki likes to lay on top of the table that we have in the backyard. That is where we feed the birds. Hopefully, he will leave the birds alone when he is not laying on the table.

I must get into major sleep debt during the week because all I want to do on the weekend is sleep. I have to push myself in order to do the things that I have scheduled. I don't schedule a whole lot on the weekends anyway. I do plenty of work during the week. I'm entitled to rest. I'm entitled to rest even if I didn't do much during the week.

Time to make the donuts.

Loki has a playmate until Saturday. Her name is Addie and she is a brindle German Shepard mix. They managed to turn on the outside faucet and created quite a mudhole in the yard. Addie being the longer haired dog that is more difficult to clean will wallow in the mud. At least it will keep both dogs out of trouble.

If Loki is the one that opened the gate and turned on the faucet he should be adopted by one of those organizations that train dogs to assist the handicapped. A Bull Mastiff mix assistant dog - that would be interesting.

Loki is not ready to appear at adoptions. He still has to receive some shots and a microchip.

Addie is available and you can check her out at http://www.woodstocktexas.org. She has a really soft coat which will be quite dirty when I get home. She will need a bath Saturday morning.

Had a rough night last night. Loki got out of the yard. He opened the gate. We looked for him until 11:30 pm. I went to bed but dreamt of nothing but finding Loki.

He was found by a neighbor this morning. We have fixed the gate so he can't open it.

What kind of person names a dog after the Norse god of mischief?

Other than the escape Loki is well behaved. He just lays around the house and sticks his head in the toilet. Fortunately, we have an oval toilet; otherwise, his head would get stuck. He likes to play and his previous foster said he enjoyed laying in a plastic kiddie pool.

I'll have to get a kiddie pool. Hopefully, that will keep Loki occupied so that he will stay out of trouble.

I have a new foster dog. His name is Loki, he is a Bull Mastiff mix. He has the most interesting brindle markings - sort of like a Tasmanian Tiger. I will post pictures soon.

-----

I need to go see a doctor. Apparently, I've been blacking out. I notice it when someone states an opinion but I never remember asking for the opinion. Nobody I know is rude enough to share an opinion without some sort of signal that I was interested so therefore I must be blacking out when I give that signal.

-----

I've heard stories of Pit Bulls, Rotwiellers and other dog breeds attacking 3-year-olds out of the blue. The dogs in these stories are well-trained, well-behaved, sweet, affectionate animals. But one day for no reason the dog attacks a 3-year-old. The 3-year-olds are never killed but the dog is put to sleep and everyone is left scratching their heads wondering what made the dog behave like that.

My theory - these dogs can see into the future. Humans see an innocent 3-year-old but the dogs see a future brutal dictator or serial killer. Since dogs do not possess language skills that humans can comprehend they cannot simply yell, "Hey, that's the anti-Christ!" or the next Hitler, Pol Pot, or Jeffrey Dahmer.

Spay and neuter your pets and children and keep them contained at all times.

This week I ran 14.36 miles, burned 1,795.6 calories and weigh 164.8 pounds.

Monday walked 1.14 miles in 35 minutes.
Wednesday ran 5K in 45:05.
Friday walked/ran 4.50 miles in 65 minutes
Saturday ran 5.34 miles in 65 minutes.

Brodhi was not supposed to be at adoption because he has not received all his shots yet, so I had to take him back home but he was quite popular the brief time that he was at Petco. He should get his shots next week. I'm not sure if he is neutered or not. If not, then that will be taken care of as well.

He is such a big, goofy sweetie pie.

In a perfect world, people under the age of 18 would not be allowed to express their opinions outside the confines of home and school. In those places they can practice expressing opinions in a safe place and be gently guided to do some research and learn to reason.

Walter was going through some containers and he found this item. It is an "owner's manual" for one of the Chevron Toy Cars. We have the actual toy car along with the other little cars and Cary Carrier.

The bottom car is Zachary Zoomer. The innocent interpretation of this illustration is that Skyler Scamper, the orange car, is driving over Zachary in an automotive game of leap frog. Being of a somewhat twisted mindset that was not my first interpretation. I doubt that it would be any adult's first interpretation.

The toy has the same expression.

I'm temp fostering two dogs this weekend. Bailey, a female terrier mix and Brodhi, a huge Coonhound mix. Brodhi is 6 months old and weighs 50 pounds. After they are with their regular fosters I will start fostering again. I'm liking Brodhi so far. I'll see how it goes this weekend, maybe Brodhi can become my regular foster. Bailey is really smart. She knows several commands. Brodhi knows none but he loves to be petted and does great in his kennel. Brodhi is afraid of stairs and he refused to jump into my car last night. 50 pounds of noncooperative dog weighs much more. Once I got him in the car he was fine. He sat quietly in the back seat. Brodhi loves to give kisses.

I'm working a half day today. It's a "reading day" at the university. Since this is a state university the day cannot be associated with a specific religious holiday. I don't care, I'm grateful for the half day.

If you live within an hour's drive of Bryan/ College Station you can check out Brodhi, Bailey and other cats and dogs at Petco in College Station on Saturday from 11:00 - 5:00.

The sky is overcast. Overcast days really bring me down. I think that is a song lyric. To compound the blues, the University is hosting some kind of barbeque in the plaza which the building I work in borders. Somebody decided that this event needed live entertainment. It is a whiny kid with an acoustic guitar. An amplified whiny kid and acoustic guitar. Please, take that shit back to Austin.

That was harsh. I might not mind it so much if it wasn't being forced upon me. No, it still sucks.

I want to go outside - kick his ass - then slap his mother for not getting an abortion when she had the opportunity.

I deserve hazard pay for having this crap forced into my ears.

I just posted my 1,267th cartoon. Most web cartoonists celebrate even milestones such as 100, 500, 1000, and so forth cartoons. 1,267 is a perfectly nice number worthy of celebration. Yipee.

I have also produced 4,946 bits of clip art. I think that would make me the single largest producer of crap decorating blogs, websites and message boards in the world. The ugly background on some kid's MySpace - I'm probably responsible. The poorly drawn object being used as an avatar - I did that. The red x appearing on several Live Journals - the result of someone not downloading the clip art and then falling victim to image retirement.

No, I don't think it is all crap. Like everyone else I have my good days and my bad days. I just felt like taking a count of the amount of images I have produced.

I've been doing this since 1999, in my spare time. I am stunned.

Last week I ran 12.39 miles and burned 1,723.1 calories. I weigh 160.8 pounds.

Wednesday, I ran 5K in 46:13.

The people who live behind me have bought turkeys. One tom and 3 hens. I hear them gobble in the morning. If it starts to stink, I'm calling the city. The birds are not a nuisance at this point and I don't plan on doing anything unless they become one. Right now, they are cool. The tom has already had a talk with the dogs next door to him.

Our backyard is very natural and there are a lot of wild birds using it. The city may not appreciate the "urban wildscape". The cardinals, blue jays, mockingbirds, sparrows, doves, finches and one fat squirrel appreciate it.

Dogs have made a paths so that one can navigate through our wild land.

I will be temp fostering another puppy this weekend. His name is Bailey and he is very smart. He should enjoy frolicking in the backyard. He might even go talk to the turkeys.

Goofy spam names:
Ham J. Grizzliest
Beak D. Savviest
Uncontrollable L. Toady
Sarcstically B. Roughhousing
Logician K. Pollinated

Spam Questions: (feel free to play along in the comments)
Where will you be when you need it? In Vegas, baby!
Linda what does your future look like? The Jetsons without the rings
$60,000 Hidden in your house? My house is cluttered but not that cluttered
Combing The Shadows of My Space - that has got to be the worst job on the internet. I've visited a few of these MySpace pages. It is not pretty.
Looking for a Prada bag? No
Are your bills piling up? No, they are in a box
Do you qualify for a Dish Network system? But I don't want that, I want to sing
Hey, Wanna Chat? Not right now
Is it big enough? Yes, yes it is
Do you have any questions? What is the meaning of life?
Saddled with large student loan payments? Nope, all paid off. I own my education free and clear.
Want to Get Paid Well for Your Own Hard Work Without Any Office Politics? Yes, but without the hard work
How much is your Car worth? $1,000 maybe
Want to Have More Time With Your Family? Absence makes the heart grow fonder
How much money do you need? All I need is love and $10,000,000

Everything I needed to know I learned from Spam subject lines
I AM FOR REAL
Drop those love handles
College just got cheaper
Find your fortune in Real Estate
Go to the bathroom more often
play with other people online
April 15th does NOT have to be a bad day
Take an online class
Escape to paradise with a Bahamas getaway
Protect Your Family From A Financial Crisis (and a crisis of capitalization)
Improve your working skills
Get lower credit card payments
Take The Free Credit Score Challenge
Trade-In your car for a new one
Let the Govt fund it
learn how the stars stay in shape
Finish Your Bachelor's Degree
summer is on its way
Make Money From Home Typing
Get Your Diploma Today
Extend Your Car Warranty Instantly
Find out how easy it is to qualify for a grant
Volume has significantly increase
Work in a company with a world name
Take a break and let us worry about your mortgage
Play Bingo for Fun Today
Earn a degree that fits your life

I read the comic strip, Mary Worth, because it is funny. Funny for the wrong reasons. Today the comedy is the coloring.

Are they drinking ketchup, blood or fruit punch from a wine type bottle?

This dinner party has been going for a week now.

-----------------

I have achieved full "dorkness". I'm wearing sandals with socks. Nice whit and gray running socks with a padded bottom and high tech fiber that wicks away moisture and prevents chafing but still socks with sandals. "Uberdorkness" would be black dress socks. I have worn the sandals without socks around the house but I did not want to do this at work because it would lead to questions that I do not want to answer.

It is safer to be a dork than to reveal a minor neurosis to my co-workers. It's not the kind of thing that disrupts my life. It only affects the kind of footwear I wear in public but I would rather not deal with the scrutiny. Plus it is kind of gross.

I can overcome this like I did with nail biting and when that day comes my feet feel the wind and the sun upon them, in public. Better not forget the sunscreen.

Hooray! It looks like everything has been resolved with the web host. The site has been updated.

Something has gone wrong at Ipowerweb, my site host. That is why there has not been an update and an older version of my pages are appearing. It looks like the problem began Sunday after I updated. At least the site is up. As of this morning I could not gain access to update. Hopefully, the problem will be resolved by tonight.

It has been quite a morning. I woke up at 7:04 am. The alarm did not sound or I hit the shut off button instead of snooze. I don't remember doing this. I was surprised to wake up, energized and well-rested. I woke up when I was ready. Unfortunately, I have to be at work at 8:00 am. I made it in at 8:45 am. I did not hurry. Hurrying only make the situation worse. Better late than never.

My job will never suck as much as this guy's job:

This week I ran 7.01 miles, burned 1,040 calories and weigh 162.2 pounds.

So far this year I have run 261.29 miles and burned 30,985.7 calories.

Wednesday I ran 5K in 47:24

1,040 - that was my SAT score. Did that back in 1986 without studying for the test. It is an easy number to remember. It is the same number as my tax form. I stayed up late the night before the test. The SAT in no way is a predictor of real success. It just indicated that I can take a test well. An useless skill in the real world. I guess it also indicated my ability to retain information. I don't remember the breakdown between the Verbal and the Mathematical sections.

Slightly above average SAT score, slightly above average life. By U.S. standards anyway.

Spent the morning at Petco volunteering to work adoptions and then spent the afternoon at ForwardFest, a local progressive festival.

I think I'm becoming attached to Bo.

Spam Zen Koans:
wince skateboard
gesticulate catamaran
bib uterus
prepare pair
adeptly prayer
xfit kis melee
Does ur partner growling about ur conduct in the room
bsee cmy truss
news day
It's going to be chaos!
Linda, experience the power of plastic
Linda are you discomfited from high cost in Bryan
ok news
things are going well
Linda, is it time to finish what you started?
What are you waiting for?

I'm temp fostering for the weekend a 5 pound ball of energy named Bo. You can read about him at http://www.woodstocktexas.org

The dog's loyalty to humanity is quite amazing, even after the treatment some dogs receive.

Three random Blog Things:

You Are 50% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Are 25% Addicted to Blogthings

Okay, so you know how to take and post a Blogthing. But you're no addict. (Hey, this quiz *proves* it!) For you, Blogthings is more of a healthy habit. At least, that's what you tell yourself!

How Addicted To Blogthings Are You?

Yesterday, recurring references occurred. This was about the nuking of an American city.

I read this article: http://www.ken-welch.com/ sent to me via an e-mail newsletter. The author uses the dubious technique of "Reverse Speech" as the basis for his assertations. I don't believe that Houston will get nuked on Easter weekend. The writer admits that he was not predicting anything. In fact, since the story was published and thousands have read it, the dark forces in our government will go to "Plan B". Clever way of avoiding verification.

The other reference was from a different newsletter that simply describes what might happen to the US economy in case one city was hit by a small nuclear device.

This kind of recurring reference happens all the time with trivial stuff. Scott Adams theorized that the cause of it is a form of observer bias. The first reference causes the mind to focus on the thing being referenced therefore you become more aware when it is referenced again.

I would like to test that theory.

Linda Lavin, a singer and actress. Her claim to fame is playing the title role in the TV sitcom, "Alice." The show was cancelled in the late 1980's so there really is no reason for her name to come up. I will call this the first reference to Linda Lavin. There is a date on this post.

The audience (both of you) participation part of this: Count how many mentions of Linda Lavin occur from today (March 29) to April 5. The mentions can be media or personal conversations. List any Linda Lavin references in the comments.

-------------------------------------

I'm trying to read the Canterbury Tales for enjoyment rather than as a school assignment. I studied a part of them in high school. I was assigned The Pardoner's Tale. It was not at all memorable, mostly because the act of analysis sucked the joy out of reading. School in general had a way with sucking the joy out of a lot of things. I enjoy learning but hated school - except college - I liked that. I could have lived without the "socialization" that school is supposed to provide.

If you are in school and get to choose a part of the Canterbury Tales to read and study, pick the Miller's Tale. Assuming that your school is not uptight or dumbed down. Don't let the archaic language hold you back. It is a fun read.

Currently, I'm reading the Reeve's Tale.

I read "Dead Man Walking" over two years ago. That caused me to think about, off and on, what I would choose as a last meal. I could not come up with a definitive answer until recently.

Chili cheese tater tots, Cherry Limeade and a Cherry Chocolate Blizzard. My last meal would be fast food. Yes, I'm an American.

This whole last meal thing lead to other questions. Do the prison officials let the condemned go to the bathroom if necessary?

When I've eaten the food listed above the consequences have been quite explosive. When it hits me, I have to go pretty damn quickly. Drop everything get to the bathroom.

What if that happened to someone on the way to the death chamber? Would he/she be allowed to go?

One answer is that the person being executed committed a crime so heinous that the state decided that they no longer deserved to live and by extension do not deserve the dignity of wearing clean underpants nor be spared from the suffering of holding it in and the distraction.

On the other hand, someone else will have to cleanup the mess when the executed person loses muscle control. That is not justice.

Despite the crimes the person committed, they do deserve some ounce of dignity before being put to death. They did not grant that dignity to their victim(s) but we, the people represented by the state, should not sink as low as the perpetrator. We are supposed to be better. At least, that is what we like to tell ourselves as we avoid questioning the whole process in the first place.

This week I ran 12.42 miles, burned 1,726.9 calories and weigh 162.2 pounds. On Wednesday I ran 5K in 48:40.

My friend got married. It was a nice ceremony and he was smiling through it.

We bought the wedding present at 11:15 am - the wedding was at 2:00 pm. Walter and I got their gift registry from Target. We found a paper towel holder on the list. We went to the aisle which the holder was supposed to be located. We found one that was the same price and brand as the one on the list. It was big, heavy and stainless steel. It also looked like a sex toy.

This is what we bought:
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-3/qid=1143339047/ref=sr_1_3/601-9723885-7445713?%5Fencoding=UTF8&asin=B0000D8GV5



The stopper bar on the thing is spring loaded to adjust to the size of the paper towel roll.

We took it to the check out and found out that it was not the right one. Too late. So we had a gift reciept printed out and put that in the bag in case our friends want to take it back. We also put a roll of paper towels on the holder to kind of disguise the uh, dildoness?

I'm sure the happy couple will have a nice laugh when they run out of paper towels.

The thing must of have been on sale at the brick and mortar Target.

Google yielded some answers to the question of "How to Walk Like a Woman" 373 answers. Without the quotation marks yielded over 60 million answers.

Links to the more interesting:

http://www.tgtoday.com/makeupandfashion/walking.html - step by step instructions

http://thecodepro.com/yo/article/545/ - the pain of trying to conform

http://www.elandar.com/back/fall99/stories/story_femeninity.html - How drag queens are saving femininity

http://www.users.qwest.net/~wyoffice/sermons/2001/07Oct01.html - A sermon about accepting transgendered people

http://www.bu.edu/com/co201mag/coffeehouse/04/itshowiwalk.htm - An essay about acting

Masey led us to a different problem. It was not the wiring but the condenser motor went bad. That had to be replaced. $370.00.

The fence around the condenser is going back up.

Last night, ate dinner with some friends. It was sort of a bachelor party for the friend getting married this weekend. I enjoyed hanging out with the guys. No strippers unfortunately. This town does not have much a strip club anyway.

Speaking of strippers, check out these old school women: http://www.flickr.com/photos/12846488@N00/

I like this one:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/12846488@N00/105018377/
The owner's description:
This photo came from a collection of over 400 Polaroid photos of strippers trying out for dancing jobs at a So. Cal club. They were taken from the late 1960's thru the early 1970's. I bought the entire collection for $10.

I tried to upload the photo but Blogger's photo upload service is not functioning properly right now.

I love the dress and gloves. Not something I would wear in regular public - maybe a costume or fancy dress party. Or even to the cocktail party I want to host some day. I would have to adopt a different persona for that outfit.

And learn to walk like a woman. Seriously. I've been told by several people throughout my life that I walk like a man. None of the people who felt compelled to mention it offered instruction as to how to walk like a woman. From what I've been able to glean from television shows it involves stacking books on one's head. Hard cover books.

I move one foot and then move the other foot further ahead and repeat until I reach my destination. I do the same thing for running except faster. Found out that I underpronate my feet when running and based on the heel wear on my shoes I do the same thing while walking.

I would not qualify for a grant from the Ministry of Silly Walks.

The comments about my walking technique bothered me when I was a kid but I've outgrown that. A lot of stuff bothered me as a kid. Mostly other people. My encounters with people uncouth enough to mention my method of locomotion have become increasingly rare. I think it has been about 5 years since the last time the subject came up.

Walking like a woman would be a nice skill to possess in case I acquire a full length blue velvet dress or some similar garment. I'll have to see what Google brings me in terms of instruction.

The AC repair technician is scheduled to come tomorrow. I'm taking time off from work to be here for him.

I get to sleep in. Hooray.

I'm taking a brief break from fostering dogs.

Masey got a bit destructive. She chewed through some air conditioning wiring. Luckily, she did not get electrocuted. Anyway, she is in a different foster home. I've called a repair technician and they should be out this week. Fortunately, the weather is quite nice and the AC is not needed.

Except for the chewing, Masey is a great dog. She would be great in a home that could give her a lot of supervison and structured play time.

Mari was promised to a different foster home so I did not get to keep her.

We are going to take this opportunity to make repairs and fill holes in the back yard. Then I will discuss with the foster coordinator the type of dog that would be more suitable for us to foster.

I will volunteer at adoptions for a couple of weeks while I'm not fostering. Not this Saturday, a friend is getting married.

AggieCon 37 is this weekend and I don't care. Not even Peter Mayhew can make me care. I guess I've outgrown it.

This week I ran 13.12 miles, burned 1,699.5 calories and weigh 163.5 pounds.

Wednesday I ran 5K in 49:56

Mari is the cutest, calmest puppy ever.

Today, I experienced a bit of the lifestyle that I want.

Woke up when I was ready to wake up.
Made breakfast.
Read e-mail.
Did some chores.
Went to the gym.
Bought groceries.
Drew cartoon.
Worked on design course.
Made dinner.
Watched a bit of the Daily Show.
Chatted with Dell Customer Support
Installed more software on my computer.
Updated web site.
Going to play Halo with my husband.
Go to bed when I'm tired.

It seems very mundane but what I liked is living at my pace. I especially like waking up according to my own rhythms and not being interrrupted by the alarm clock. Without the clock I wake up around 7:30 am.

It was great this morning when both of us were awake.

I hope to make enough freelance income to quit my job.

This break has helped me focus on my goals. I know what I want, now it is taking the actions necessary to achieve my desires.

I'm temp fostering a 5-month old St. Benard mix. She is 40 pounds. She will be about 80 pounds when full grown. A real sweet calm puppy.

Masey is having a good time with her.

Two of the ads in rotation for Google are Art Clip Mormon (LDSPlanet.com, a site devoted to finding Mormon singles - keyword abuse maybe?) and Get Pregnant Easily (Become-Pregnant.com How to conceive naturally & quickly even if you've "tried everything")

I object to the first one because of the use of irrelevant keywords. A Mormon singles service has nothing to do with clip art. The Mormons that I have encountered would not do this kind of thing. I'm willing to give the benefit of a doubt and assume that a non-Mormon wrote the ad. Don't click on the ad unless you are looking to hook up with a single Mormon. They are generally nice people and very hard working. If you are looking for clip art - check out my links on the right. You will have to scroll. Scroll, baby, scroll!!

The second one is a bit ironic since it appears on the website which is owned by someone who has had her tubes tied. Voluntary sterilization. The sixth anniversary of my non-fertility is coming up soon.

I'm afraid to click on the ad. The whole thing could be a joke. There really is only one way to conceive naturally - ask a married Mormon - they are quite good at it. If you have "tried everything", including old-fashioned unprotected sex, and still don't become pregnant perhaps God, spirit, karma or biology is trying to tell you something. Listen and learn.

Since Google Ads works off of keywords, I will attempt to alter the ads that appear on my site.
Voluntary Sterilization, Tubal Ligation, Vasectomy, Birth Control, Abortion, Adoption, Population Control, Family Planning, Planned Parenthood, Sex Education, Permanent Sterilization, Smurfs, Unicorns, Unitarian-Universalist

I threw Smurfs and Unicorns in there for fun.

My new Dell computer has arrived! I'm typing this entry on it.

I will have a couple of days off, later this week (Spring Break. I get two days. I love working for a state university) to install my programs and figure out how to retrieve my address book.

Tonight, I'm trying to get the essentials installed so that I can update my website.

The picture on the monitor is sweet.

Right now I'm downloading the contents of my website to my hard drive. This will take a while.

The important thing is that my marriage survived sharing a single computer.

The talk in church went well. People got something out of it. The children's story was a hit. Walter added some props and sound effects.

I can move forward for over 5 hours but speaking for more than 15 minutes is difficult. The professionals make it look easy. That is why they are professionals.

This week I ran 11.92 miles, burned 1565.5 calories and weigh 162.2 pounds. Wednesday I ran 5K in 51:19.

Tomorrow, I speak in church. I hope it goes well.

I can learn from constructive criticism. Since the skulls have served their purpose as filler art, I removed them. Now, things are 2% less painful.

I wonder if the dead baby lady learned anything from her SomethingAwful.com experience?

I hope Extermantus Now creators enjoy the traffic. I read it and did not get it. I'm losing my nerdiness.

Damn annoying that they draw better than I do. If all the cartoons that are drawn better than mine were removed from the internet all that would be left would be my cartoon and those damn sprite based web comics.

No such thing as bad publicity, I guess. A Perfect World was Somethingawful.com's Awful Link of the Day for March 8. Tripled my usual amount of visitors. Ipower's servers can handle the traffic.

I spend an hour making some cartoons with clip art in order to buy some time for my drawing and then post the clip art cartoons for about a month while I catch up and then the traffic shows up. Should have been late. Damn, my self-discipline.

My drawings aren't the best and my gags can be lame but is it really awful enough to be on par with dressed up miscarriages, fat people pajama parties, sneezing fetish and church website ratings?

Thanks for the traffic and yes, my plan to destroy the world one cartoon at a time is working.

Bwa-ha.

Dude, I'm gettin' a Dell. It should arrive by the 15th.

My computer is really screwed up. It looks like I'm getting a Dell. For now, I'm sharing a machine with Walter. Our marriage has been through more difficult times. We can weather this storm.

I did not win the Funkimobiles contest.

The Sears Catalog site is being featured on Lonnie's 10-List at PostStar.com. 10 Websites to kill 10 evenings with. Mine is day 5.

Windows 2000 decided to go to hell on one of my drives. Walter took out my hard drive and set it up as a slave drive on his machine and I was able to update the website.

Tomorrow he will attempt to install the operating system on a secondary drive on my computer.

Pray for him please.

This week I ran 12.14 miles, burned 1,626 calories and weigh 161.7 pounds. So far this year I've ran 216.82 miles and burned 24,953.8 calories.

Wednesday: 5K in 52:48

The TV Guide cover for the week of Feb. 15 - Feb. 21, 1969:
To find a cover for the year and week you were born visit: http://online.tvguide.com/games/covergallery/

New results with corrected chip time.

ChipTime: 5:39:38
ClockTime: 5:46:53
Overall: 4324
SexPl: 38
class_pos: 27
total_pace: 12:58/M
10k_rank: 4598
10k_time: 1:18:19
10k_pace: 12:37/M
halfway_rank: 4450
halfway_time: 2:45:22
halfway_pace: 13:11/M
30k_rank: 4334
30k_time: 3:54:51
30k_pace: 13:01/M
35k_rank: 4180
35k_time: 4:37:02
35k_pace: 13:04/M
finish_rank: 4303
finish_time: 5:39:37
finish_pace: 13:14/M

This week I ran 26.2 miles, burned 2,770 calories and weigh 161.8 pounds. My calf finally stopped hurting. Next week, I'm back in the gym but I won't be training as hard. I'll ease back into the intense training.

It looks like my race results have been altered a bit. It is showing a faster pace through two of the splits. Eventually, my chip time will get corrected. The people attempting to qualify for the Boston Marathon are first priority. I would have qualified for the Boston Marathon if I was an 85 years old.

I hope that there is another Marathons of Texas challenge next season. I think I would like to attempt to complete Dallas White Rock, Chevron Houston and Freescale Austin in one season. I did not get a look at the jacket that people who completed the three marathons received this season. It better be a nice one.

Marathon Photos!

29 degrees Farenheit at the start, 35 degrees at the finish.

Walking through a water stop. The Texas State Capitol Building is in the background. It is the largest capitol building in the United States.

Sprinting through the finish line.

Running down Congress Avenue.

Smiling and running. I must be out of my mind.

I'm smiling because I just finished a 26.2 mile race.

Through the finish line! The crowd goes wild!

I don't know the lady that came in one second before me. My clock time is recorded in this photo.

Photos by Action Sports International

I found an approximate offset time!

I visited the Freescale Discussion forums. People with working chips were sharing where they started and their offset times. A woman who started in the general area that I was in had an offset of about 9 minutes. Based on that, my chip time would be 5:37:53. A personal record. My goal was 5:30:00. I came close.

The back of my right knee and upper calf is still sore.

There was a major screw-up with the chip timing system. Half the runners were missed at the start line. Based on my average pace from the last three checkpoints I estimated my time to be 5:42:53. That is a personal record. I wish I had more tangible proof.

The company that did the chip timing will change your chip time if you send your offset time (within reason - it has to be close to your pace during the second half of the race). Unfortunately, I do not know my offset time. I was not paying attention to the clock as I crossed the start line.

This marathon made news when a couple of confused deer decided to join the race.
http://www.news8austin.com/content/headlines/?ArID=155886&SecID=2
http://news.webindia123.com/news/showdetails.asp?id=257178&cat=World

Footage of the deer can be found at CNN.com and other news sites.

I'm 37 years old today.

Judging from the results posted on the Austin Freescale website there might have been a problem with the chips. Too many people have matching chip and clock times. I'm guessing that my chip time is 5 to 10 minutes less than my clock time. I did not pay attention to the clock when actually crossed the start line. I'll wait and see if the error can be fixed.

I came in 4,304th place in the Freescale Austin Marathon with a time of 5:46:53! I placed 37th in the Marathon Filly class (women weighing 140+ pounds) and placed 26th among women less than 39 years old in that same class.

Age: 36
Sex: F
Chip Time: 5:46:53
Clock Time: 5:46:53
Overal Place: 4304 (with 484 finishers behind me)
Sex Place: 37 (overall women 1610 with 312 behind me)
Age Place: 26 (with 6 behind me - this is Filly division)
Total Pace: 13:14/M
10K (6.2 miles) Rank: 4445
10K Time:1:25:34
10K Pace: 13:47/M
Halfway Rank (13.1 miles): 4450
Halfway Time: 2:52:37
Halfway Pace: 13:11/M (I finally found a Port-o-Potty without a long line at mile 12.5. I picked up a bit of speed after emptying my bladder.)
30K (18.6 miles) Rank: 4334
30K Time: 4:02:06
30K Pace: 13:01/M
35K (21.7 miles) Rank: 4180
35K Time: 4:44:17
35K Pace: 13:04/M
Finish Rank: 4304
Finish Time: 5:46:53
Finish Pace: 13:14/M (7.3 kph or 4.5 mph)

Ran 4.75 mph for 6.9 miles; 4.78 mph for 5.53 miles; 4.42 mph for 3.11 miles; 4.29 mph for 4.47 miles.

It was cold (29F at the start - 35F at finish). I was wearing some nice cold weather running gear (Under Armor) so I was not miserable as long as I kept moving, even broke a sweat. After I got off the bus that took me back to the finish line then I really felt the cold. Fortunately, Walter had the nice warm car waiting for me.

Thorlos makes some great socks. The race had to be delayed because of ice and to allow gravel to be laid on the route. When I took off my shoes, after I made it to the hotel, several tiny pieces of gravel were in my shoe but my feet were undamaged and I did not feel the gravel.

Congratulations to everyone who finished the race.

There will be a cartoon update tonight. No more skulls.

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

There will not be an update on Sunday. I'll be in Austin, running in the cold weather.

I've entered a competition:

In association with Funkimobiles we are giving you the chance to get your comic featured on one of the hottest mobile content sites around, Funkimobiles.com (and to make some money in the process!) Funkimobiles currently features content from some of the freshest sites on the web, including Weebls Stuff, Little Gamers and Diesel Sweeties.

Vote for your favorite (A Perfect World) at http://www.thewebcomiclist.com/competitions/funkimobiles/vote.php

Only one vote is allowed per IP address

Thank you.

My bib number for the Freescale Austin Marathon is 2109. Sunday, February 19, 2006! 26.2 miles! http://www.freescaleaustinmarathon.com

This week I ran 21.68 miles, burned 2,517.5 calories and weigh 161.5 pounds.

Times:
Monday - 5K, 33:17
Wednesday - 5 miles, 55:00
Friday - 5K, 31:23
Saturday - 10 miles, 1:55:00

Goofy spam names:
Kiger I. Hodo
Brun S. Tobeyo
Experience P. Tights
Posies B. Trouping

Austin Freescale Marathon in about a week!

The weather...

It is gray. It is raining. It is cold. It sucks.

It is temporary.

I should be in bed, sleeping through it. How did I become a responsible adult? My job does not make any real difference. So why can't I just walk out right now?

Maybe part of me believes that I am the one thread that when pulled causes the whole tapestry to fall apart. I leave right now and the 301 exams don't get copied. That starts a chain of events that leads to a devastating natural disaster in China. Sort of a "butterfly effect" - a butterfly in South America flaps its wings and that leads to a hurricane over 1,000 miles away.

I hate winter. Fortunately, I live in a region where winter only lasts a week. I would have to go on a killing spree if I had to endure weeks of gray and cold.

Bah!

I better go copy the damn exams. The answers to questions 4, 6 and 16 is C, C and B.

I could not remain silent any longer. This whole Mohammed cartoon thing has gotten way out of hand. Muslims have the right to protest peacefully and even boycott products but death threats, guns, harassing random Scandinavians and grenades is a bit over the top. Four people were killed in Afghanistan over these stupid cartoons.

Now an Iranian newspaper wants to have a holocaust cartoon contest to see what kind of outrage it would produce. Let me save some time, it will produce nothing because the whole world will see through the childish ploy or there will be protests - peaceful protests and boycotts. No embassies stormed by gunmen, no grenades thrown at embassies, no Iranian workers or vacationers threatened and nobody getting killed in riots. Peaceful protest.

There are Muslim voices speaking out against the stupid violence but more need to be added. Surely, 1 billion Muslims can drown out the voices and acts of stupidity, hatred and violence that has infected their faith.

I've read about boycotts (which is an acceptable form of peaceful protest) but I have not read of any Muslim country returning any of the foreign aid that Denmark generously gives (2,037 million US dollars/ 0.85% of GNP in 2004 - http://www.globalissues.org/TradeRelated/Debt/USAid.asp) to developing countries (Iraq, Indonesia, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Egypt are among the top 10 recipients of foreign aid) around the world.

This week I ran 22.65 miles, burned 2,645 calories and weigh 161.3 pounds.

Times:
Tuesday - 5K, 29:10
Wednesday - 5 miles, 54:18
Thursday - 5K, 32:05
Saturday - 10.6 miles, 2:19:00

On Saturday I ran among crazy people. Members of my marathon training group decided to head to Huntsville State Park and run on the trails. The Rocky Raccoon 50 and 100 mile race was going on at the same time. The race director let us run on part of the trails with the racers. I did not get to talk to that many runners but I did see a deer. A doe ran across the trail about 20 feet in front of me. The trails were a nice change of pace and it was a gorgeous day. Required more focus because of all the tree roots and other rough patches of terrain. I even thought about entering an ultra- marathon trail race. This only proves that insanity is contagious.

The run was kind of a zen experience because I did not know how far I've been running and it was just the sounds of nature and my footfalls for most of the run. I was just enjoying the movement. On one part of the trail I felt like I was flying.

I have mixed emotions about Thomas Kinkade. I don't care for his art but apparently thousands enjoy the works of "the painter of light". I don't want to throw the words "sell out" around because I would not turn down money voluntarily given in exchange for my art. His painting skills are far superior to mine. I don't have the skills to make it as a "highlighter" with his studio/ factory.

I don't think of myself as some kind of elitist. People have the right to spend their money however they choose. I would question their taste but not out loud.

Viewing Kinkade's art makes my stomach a bit queasy but the above advertisement made me especially ill. I think it is the quote.

I don't begrudge Kinkade merchandising the heck out of his art. I would do the same thing but I would have to spend a lot of the fortune drowning out nagging feelings of doubt and some remorse at taking other people's money in exchange for treacle like Kinkade's art.

If I painted like Thomas Kinkade I would be afraid of people suddenly waking up and realizing that I was producing syrupy, sentimental crap and demand their money back. I could cope with returning the money but the anger would be too much to handle.

I don't paint like Thomas Kinkade so I should not worry about that.

I have weird anxieties.

Look what was in my e-mail bag!

Subject line: do the world a favor

please...no more comics, their terrible. You've wasted too much time!

The amount of time that I have simply wasted is my biggest regret but I cannot undo the past. No Ctrl-Z in real life.

English is a difficult language and I applaud you for getting it almost right. Homonyms are tough. The word you are looking for is they're, a contraction of they are.

Thank you for taking a moment of your time to compose and send your electronic missive.

Do something good for humanity - sterilization.

In early January I took a small leap. Unfit's (http://dilbert.com/comics/unfit/) creator is looking for a new artist. Mike Belkin and Scott Adams went with an open audition approach. Redraw an Unfit strip in your own style. Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, posted the audition rules on his blog. I took some time away from A Perfect World and submitted a comic strip. That is my excuse for the clip art skull cartoons that have been appearing lately. I also fell behind for other reasons. The skulls were a quick way for me to regain some lead time.

You can see all the submissions here: http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2006/02/comic_artist_fo.html or here: www.looking4cartoonist.com. I'm artist #34. The site includes links to the artists' websites so you have an opportunity to see many comics and perhaps expand your comic horizons.

If you visit the site you can find out my real name (as if it is not published in several other venues all over the internet). I married into the last name so it is unlikely that I am related to you or anyone else you know. My husband is not related to Richard Causey (Enron accountant). Corrupt accountant is better than pedophile serial killer (a serial killer who is a pedophile not a serial killer that targets pedophiles) for adding notoriety to an uncommon last name but certainly not first prize. I share my maiden name with a mattress company, rock star, actress and a hyperactive exercise guru.

Belkin has a lot of talent to choose from. My art has not stood out enough to merit comment on the dilbertblog, so far. Judging my own work against others, I think I fall in the upper downward slope of the bell curve - the part just before the free fall (roller coaster metaphor). I feel okay about that. I have accepted the fact that there will always be better artists and writers but I know that I can at least run with them. I'm grateful for the opportunity to audition. Even if I don't get chosen, the comments and seeing art side by side will provide some pointers in improving my art.

This week I ran 40.69 miles, burned 4,607.7 calories and weigh 163.7 pounds. So far this year I have run 124.28 miles and burned 14,221.8 calories.

Times:
Monday - 5 miles, 50:36
Wednesday - 10 miles, 1:56:00
Thursday - 5 miles, 49:20
Sunday - 20 miles, 4:24:30 I don't know why I was so slow today. Normally, I would have finished this in 4 hours. It was a lovely day. Perhaps I was enjoying it a bit.

Walked 11,435 steps.

I ran 5 miles in under 50 minutes.

I went to the College of Engineering's premier of their new recruiting materials. Very impressive. Amazing what can be accomplished with a decent budget, a dedicated staff and a committed dean.

I read an article about family and personal mission statements. What a ridiculous thing to adopt from corporate culture.

What next? Family slogans? The Causey family - Quality is our middle name. Causey: we are better than you, deal with it. BeCausey we can!

Perhaps I can work up a logo.

I had to review a fair number of resumes recently. Most of them did not include an objective but those that did provided for some unintentional comedy. How to say nothing in 15 words or less.

I'm tempted to add this objective statement to my resume:
To earn as much money as possible in exchange for as little work as possible.

Walked 9,619 steps.

Spam subject lines:
Free Pass eyes
Set of employees (Oh Lord, a story problem!)
Regenerate your intimate existence? (Is that anything like an imaginary friend?)
We assure you that we can get you laid
Does it Behoove You to own This Stock? (Nice use of the word, behoove)
Eighteen World antilacrosser unique site with russian chored girls
leave chord

When I have nothing to write, spam comes to the rescue.

Walked 11,053 steps.

I had a very busy day at work with a dental appointment and a 5 mile run splitting the day in half.

I needed to shake up the routine.

The 99 cent double cheeseburger at Wendy's does not come with tomatoes. I asked for tomatoes because the sign at the cash register said that because of Hurricane Katrina tomatoes are only available upon request. I was not charged extra for the two slices of tomatoes. The precious, rare tomato slices.

This week I ran 21.72 miles and burned 2,573.5 calories.

Times:
Monday - 5K, 30:45
Wednesday - 5 miles, 52:22
Thursday - 5K, 30:29
Saturday - 9.5 miles, 1:53:00

Fun spam subject lines:

• Increase Cum Volume by 500% (Outside of the adult film industry why would anyone want to increase cum volume?)
• Diachronic Waterproof
• take a fax (no)
• Win a few Favorite Things (Why would I want to win raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings, cream colored ponies, crisp apple streudels, doorbells and sleigh bells, schnitzel with noodles, wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings, girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes, and silver white winters that melt into springs?)
• Hello, I'm Daisy, Your account specialist (Nice to see Donald Duck's girlfriend - life partner(?) has a career. I wish her much success)
• Sweeter tasting sperm - Studies show it improves the flavor (Who participated in those studies and how much compensation did they receive?)

Here are the full lyrics of the song that is now stuck in my head:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Lyrics courtesy of Lyricsondemand.com

Walked 10,144 steps.

I'm going to bed.

Good night.